


Tsukipro Oneshots

by IWishIWasAwesome



Category: TsukiPro the Animation
Genre: Crying, Domestic Fluff, Everyone's gay, Family Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm sorry for this, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Rikka is an angel, Self-Harm, There isn't enough tsukipro fanfic, lots of comfort, we need more fanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 06:39:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 45,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18330638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWishIWasAwesome/pseuds/IWishIWasAwesome
Summary: Crossposted on Wattpad- IWishIWasAwesomeOneshots on all the Tsukipro boys, Quell, SolidS, Growth and Soara! Sad moments, happy moments. These will show the hardships of being and idol and that these people, real or not, are still human.-I do not write X reader-





	1. Chapter 1

"Ichiru? What are you doing here?”

Tsubasa had opened the door to the younger Kuga twin, with a confused expression at why the younger was here. The Solids member opens the door wider to let Ichiru in when he notices that the boy is crying, gentle streams trailing down his face. Tsubasa doesn’t say anything, but opens his arms for the younger to collapse into them. Dai looked over the back of the sofa, and found himself standing the moment a sob echoed through the room. It makes Tsubasa flinch as he tightens his hold. Rikka also finds himself standing, and both Rikka and Dai lunge forward as Ichiru’s knees go out with the simple force of his sobs, and Tsubasa manages to get both down to the floor without hitting any knees.

 Ichiru feels his chest burst as he sobs, tears soaking into Tsubasa’s shoulder. Rikka shuffles around so he can rub Ichiru’s back. The younger twin clutches at Tsubasa’s shirt like he was about to fade out, and the boy can’t stop crying.

 “Hey, is everything okay?”

 Dai looks up to find Shiki standing in the hallway, already making his way over.

 “Ichiru’s upset.” Dai simple says, and Shiki kneels with them. Tsubasa holds Ichiru tighter with each and every sob that wracked through his body. They’ve never seen him like this, not even when they found out that the person who looked after them at the Orphanage had passed away. Rikka feels his own heart break, there was no explained as to why Ichiru was crying, especially like this.

 “Ichi? Are you alright?” Tsubasa finally whispers after reassuring the younger into a slower stream of sobs, and Ichiru just shakes his head, burying himself further into the olders shoulder. Rikka gently petted his hair, and finally, Ichiru gave in.

 “I shouted at him! I made him cry and now he won’t go near me!” Ichiru sobs, and his whole body just slumps against Tsubasa, and Shiki holds Tsubasa’s lower back to hold them both upright. Looking over, Dai has concern written all over his face.

 “Who did you shout at?” Rikka asks.

 “Issei… and now he won’t look at me. I didn’t mean to…” Ichiru sobs weakly,most of his energy completely gone. Tsubasa reaches around and hauls Ichiru into a better position in his lap, still relying on Shiki to hold them, and he really doesn’t mind either. Dai frowns at the sight of the damp patch on Tsubasa’s shoulder, just showing how much the boy had cried.

 It hurts all of them to hear that, as the twins are incredibly close and such things like this hurt them more than anyone would know. Ichiru leans his head on Tsubasa’s shoulder, eyes fluttering shut as he rests.

 Rikka gently nudges Ichiru, and the boy moves away. He keeps his eyes downcast, not looking at any of them, ashamed in himself.

 “Let’s go and lie down, yeah?” Rikka whispers as he and Tsubasa help Ichiru up. He holds onto Rikka and almost hides behind him as they walk to the sofas.

 Ten minutes later sees Ichiru fast asleep on the sofa, Dai’s duvet tucked around his body. Rikka sat on the floor, leaning against the sofa carefully as to not wake Ichiru. Dai and Tsubasa are also sat on the floor, with Shiki sat on the coffee table with his phone in his hands, texting Shu and Eichi to alert them of where Ichiru is, and that he’s okay. Sort of Okay. He also asks how Issei is.

 “Apparently Issei is worried sick about Ichiru and has been sick since the argument.” Shiki whispers and Rikka frowns.

 “He threw up?” He asks, and Shiki nods.

 “Whatever this argument was about, it must have hurt them both seriously.”  Dai replies, and Tsubasa nods, then, he get’s a text from Kouki. He types in his password to open his phone and opens his messages.

 “Kouki just text me? He’s asking if Ichiru and Issei are okay? Perhaps he saw the argument.” Tsubasa mumbles as he texts the leader of Growth back, thanking him for the concern and just letting him know how Ichiru was doing.

 “Okay, so it turns out that all Kouki saw is… Issei hitting Ichiru?”

 “That explains the bruise.” Rikka says.

 “What bruise?” They all say, and Rikka slowly pulls back the duvet to show the now black bruise on Ichiru’s jaw. Tsubasa gasps and Shiki winces.  It looks like Issei manages to clip his ear a little and most of his jaw.

 “That’s going to kill him when he wakes up.” Tsubasa sighs, and tucks the duvet back around him. Rikka smiles and gently tucks a fallen section of hair behind his ear with a feather light touch that wouldn’t wake him up. There was a knock on the door, but when Shiki reaches it, no one is there. He looks down the hall, and no one is on either side of the door. When Shiki goes to close the door, he notices a piece of paper on the floor. He crouches down to pick it up, and reads it as he approaches the living room.

  _Tell Ichiru I’m sorry. Please look after my little brother._

“What’s that Shiki?” Rikka asks from the kitchen.

 “Rikka, I need you to ring Issei and make sure he’s not leaving their dorm.” He says as he shows the group, showing that it almost didn’t make sense.

 "He’s either left or he’s run back to the dorm.” Dai says, and takes the note, “It could be taken either way.”

 Rikka holds out his hand, silencing them as he puts his phone on loudspeaker.

 " _Hello?”_

It’s Eichi who answers the phone.

“Hey Eichi, it’s Rikka. We just got a note from Issei, is he with you?”

  _“Yep, he just got back from yours. Shu and me aren’t letting him leave. He won’t tell us what happened, but been crying for two hours.”_

“Well, Ichiru’s got a pretty bad bruise on his jaw, and he was crying his heart out over here.”

  _“Oh… Please look after him, Rikka-San.”_

“No worries, he’s sleeping now, but he’s in our care.”

  _“Thank you Rikka, please thank the others for us.”_

“Ichiru? Are you awake?”

 Ichiru groans quietly as he opens his eyes, finding Rikka sitting in front of him. Rikka smiles and tucks back some more hair that had fallen in front of Ichiru’s eyes.

 “We made some dinner, if you’d like to join us?” Rikka whispers, and Ichiru smiles weakly. He knew that Rikka and Shiki were really good cooks, and was sure Tsubasa had mentioned he could cook once before. Ichiru nods in reply to Rikka. When he goes to speak, a whine is all the comes out, the pain in his jaw almost excruciating.

 “Okay, maybe we’ll have to wait for a little whilst we ice it.” Rikka says, and Ichiru nods, as Shiki and Dai get the dinner back into the oven to keep it warm. Suddenly, Rikka’s phone goes off and he grabs it, only to smile at the realisation that Ichiru had texted him instead of spoken aloud, now that ice was pressed against his jaw.

 “Issei’s okay. Eichi said he was upset, and Kouki messages to see if you were alright too.”

 

 

 

 Issei had burst into the dorm, not knowing that both Shu and Eichi were in the living room, and ran past them, down the hall and into his bedroom. Ichiru had shouted at him, and in return Issei had punched him. Ichiru continued to shout at him and he was still crying now from that. Issei’s hands are shaking fiercly and panic rears in his chest so bad that it kicks out his breathing and in the end, he screams.

 Screams for his brother that he’d just punched straight across the face and left standing there in the middle of the hallway, crying and holding his face. Screams for someone to notice him and stop him from doing something he’d regret.

 “Was that Ichi or Issei?” Shu asks jokingly, and Eichi shrugs.

 “Why did he run past like that? Has something happ—“

 Both Eichi and Shu flinch heavily when a scream echoes through the dorm, and they find themselves running down the hallway and getting into the twins room. They find Issei clutching at his chest as sobs wrack his body. His face is a mess as his resolve shatters. Eichi and Shu fall beside him, and take him into his arms, and he simply sobs. He begins to turn hysteric as Shu moves him into his lap. Issei doesn’t know what to do with himself, but tries to focus on his breathing, which fails completely.

 Eichi moves round to hold Issei from the other side, and starts to calm him down, taking his hand and pressing it against his own chest for the boy to feel his breathing. After a few minutes, the white noise in his ears stops, and he’s able to his hear his loud sobs.

 “Shh, you’re okay. Calm down, Issei, you’re going to be sick.” Shu whispers into his ear, and Issei wills himself to calm down just like Shu had said. Eventually, his sobs cease to soft whimpers and he relishes in the hold of his two parental figures. It doesn’t take long for Issei to work himself back up again, and apologizes profusely. Thankfully, Eichi being Eichi notices the signs of being sick, and lunges to grab the bin right before he throws up. Shu helps him stay sat upright, and holds his black hair back, other hand rubbing his stomach slowly to help ease it.

 Once his stomach’s been empty, Issei leans back against Shu, and quietly apologizes to him. It’s been a whole two hours since he came in, two hours since he’s hurt Ichiru like he did.

 “Issei, why don’t we get you into bed?” Shu whispers, and Issei shakes his head.

 “Not here…” He mumbles, and Eichi understands.

 “What about the sofa? Then we can both be with you.”

 And finally Issei nods.

 

 Eichi is glad when he gets a text from Shiki saying that Ichiru is with Solids, and was safe. Unlike Shiki, Eichi doesn’t get the text from Kouki. Issei had been asleep for a little while now, and the two singers were getting worried about the younger twin. They knew he was at Solids, but what had they done to one another to cause such a occurrence that the twins weren’t together.

 Eventually, Issei wakes up, and he asks if they know where he is.

 “He’s at Solids. He’s okay.” Shu replies, and Issei shakily sighs.

 “Can I take a note down?” He asks quietly, and Shu agrees to that, and hands him a piece of paper and a blue pen. Issei writes slowly, and folds it up.

 “I’ll be back in a minute.” He says, and runs to the lift.

 All the anxiety hits him at once when he reaches their dorm, and so he knocks, and leaves the paper right there, and runs back home.

 “You’re back quick.” Eichi says, only to catch Issei as he hugs him again.

 "I hit him! I punched him in the jaw and then he cried and shouted at me. We made each other cry but at least he didn’t hit me!” Issei cries, and Eichi holds him equally as tight.

 “Why did you hit him?” Eichi whispers, and Issei finally, finally tells them.

 “He was annoyed at Shu, for not wanting to come with us to the beach. And I heard the other day that Shu was getting ready for a new film, so I counteracted saying that Shu was busy. He didn’t understand and then shouted that Quell didn’t feel like family anymore. And you’re the only family we’ve ever had.”

”As he got more angry, he shouted at me for being too attached to you two, so I hit him. We shouted some more and he ran off.”

 “All because he didn’t think we were family…”

 

 

 

 It’s midnight when Ichiru finally goes home, he thanks all of Solids for looking after him, and apolgizing for causing such a scene. Rikka walks him up to Quell’s dorm, and leaves with a kiss on the forehead. Taking a deep breath, Ichiru knocks on the door. At first he thinks no one is awake, but then the door opens to reveal Shu.

 “Oh thank god, you’re okay.” Shu says as he wraps his arms around Ichiru,

 “I’m so sorry,” Ichiru whispers, and Shu sighs.

 “Issei and Eichi are still awake.” Shu says, and Ichiru falls into step behind him, hiding behind Shu as he steps into the living room.

 “Ichiru?” Eichi says, and Issei is jumping up to sprint across the room, grabbing his brother and holding him in his arms. Ichiru takes a second to get over the shock, but chokes on a sob as he holds his brother back. The twins sob into one anothers shoulders, having been scared all hell for the welfare of the other. When Issei pushes away,  Ichiru thinks he’s going to punch him again. Instead, he’s cupping his younger brothers face and staring into his eyes.

 “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you! Please don’t hate me!” Issei cries, and Ichiru smiles weakly in return.

 “I don’t hate you Issei. I’m sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean it. We’re all a massive family and I’m sorry.” 

 The boys stay like that for a while, until they feel two other pair of arms curing around their bodies. As they hug, Shu and Eichi can’t help but smile as they hear Ichiru saying how much he loves them, over and over again until he grows tired.

 “Well, I believe tonight calls for a snuggle.” Eichi mumbles, and the three of them agree.

 And that’s how Shu finds them after he’s used the bathroom. Ichiru and Issei lay there, cuddled together, closer than they usually are, chest to chest, with Eichi behind Ichiru, protective arm mostly over the both of them. Shu pulls out his phone and takes a photo, sending it to Rikka before climbing in himself.

 

 

 “Your phone just went off Rikka.” Tsubasa said, chucking the phone to Rikka who caught it with presicion. He opens it to find the picture of the twins and Eichi with the caption ‘all is well in the Quell household’. Rikka smiles, before sending it to the rest of them. Tsubasa sighs in relief, and texts Shu back, saying he was glad to see the twins alright again. Rikka feels he can sleep peacefully knowing that tomorrow, everything would be alright.


	2. Ice Skating

Kouki sat on the balcony all alone, staring out at the city below the building. Cars are like small ants from here, and the people are barely dots in his vision. He feels closer to the clouds than anything else.

To be honest, the blond was completely bored. He’d already cleaned the kitchen, so there was no point doing that for a second time. All the laundry was done too. He’d played on his phone for a little while before ducking out onto the balcony to sit down.

 Mamoru and Kensuke were at an interview with a modelling company, something to do with Rikka and his recommendation of them. Ryota was out with a few friends, Kouki thinking that he went Ice skating with them. Ryota would make such a good figure skater, if he weren’t a singer. And of course, Kouki was glad that half of the small group were free today, but at the moment, he’d rather be at an interview with some company then be sat here, all alon.

 It starts to get dark before Kouki thought I would, the rain that had started a little while ago getting heavy, but luckily for Kouki, the balcony was sheltered from the rain. Goose-bumps ran along his skin and his hair flinches in the wind. The sun disappears behind the hills in the distance, and the sky was slowly turning from an orange to a deep grey as the clouds began to thicken, the rain getting worse and hiding all the stars that should have replaced the suns place. Kouki leans back in his chair, eyes slipping shut as his mind reel in deep thoughts, mainly taking place about the sunset he’d just witnessed without realising.

 Mamoru and Kensuke get back before Ryota, who’d text them saying not to bother making dinner for him, as they were going out unexpectedly. They don’t hear the usual hello or ‘how was your interview’ from their leader, and the whole of their dorm seems silent apart from the constant pattering of the rain. Mamoru goes to poke his head through the bathroom door to see it that’s where Kouki is, when he hears Kensuke breath out a sigh.

 “What?” Mamoru says as he jogs to Kensuke’s side by the slightly open balcony door.

 Kouki’s head is resting on his hand, relying heavily on his elbow that was on the table to keep him upright. Kensuke doesn’t want to bother the elder, until he notices the little shivers that the leaders body was giving off. The rain wasn’t hitting him thankfully.

”Mamoru, can you grab the blanket?” He whispers, and Mamoru returns quickly with the blanket that belonged on the sofa. He holds his breath as Kensuke tucks it around Kouki, somehow not waking him up. They both tiptoe off of the balcony , and slide the door just shut. Kouki hums lightly in his sleep at the warmth and shuffles about, bringing his knees up to his chest, and curling up with the blanket tight about his body. The clouds were the only witness to his sigh of warmth.

 

As time went on, Kouki didn’t awaken, and Ryota never turned up either. Kensuke guesses that was because the ice rink they went to was halfway across Tokyo, and knowing the people Ryota was friends with, they probably walked. Mamoru returns from the kitchen, with a simple dinner in hand, and handing it to Kensuke who smiles.

 “Not useless after all ay?” He smiles, and Mamoru fake pouts, punching the other in the arm harshly. They both laugh quietly as they start to eat. Both of them await for Ryota to come home, but he never does, and in the end, they see Kouki before Ryota.

 Kensuke’s half asleep when he hears the balcony door open, Mamoru snoring lightly by his side, and Kouki slips in, dragging the blanket on his shoulders behind him. After locking the glass door, Kouki slips the blanket off, and gently lays it over the two on the sofa, before grabbing the second one, and curling up beside Kensuke. Mamoru groans and flicks one eye open, only to fall back asleep now knowing their leader was indoors and warm.

 

 

Unfortunately for Ryota, the heavens decided to open and Tokyo was suddenly under the full force of a storm. Rain pelted down and what was the one thing Ryota didn’t have? An umbrella. He had ice-skates in his bag for goodness sakes, but not an umbrella. There was only one good thing about the rain, and that was because the large droplets of water made his tears blend into his face with much more ease than before.

 The ice rink was a two hour walk away from their dorm, and Ryota had been left behind. He was an hour into the walk now, and half an hour since the rain had started. His phone had died and he had no clue where or when the next bus or train departed from, and just continued to walk down the back alley behind the mall. His friends had left him behind before he got out of the ice rink. He’s waited about two hours just like that, wondering if something had happened and they would let him know.

 No, he didn’t even get a text.

 And he spent the entire time playing on his phone until it died.

 The rain was cold too, slipping underneath Ryota’s coat and sliding down his back, raising goose-bumps all over his body. His jeans and especially his socks were soaked, and his coat didn’t exactly do much either, and so he was drenched all the way over, through and through. His phone and wallet were safe inside his mostly waterproof bag, as his pockets would’ve been useless. Even if the bag wasn’t waterproof, he’d shoved his phone into his right ice-skate, so it would be okay anyways.

 When the building finally came into view, Ryota sighed in relief and started to jog. Glancing up, a whimper bubbles in his throat at the sight of the lights of their living being on, showing that they were either waiting for him or asleep in there.

 He prayed they were awake.

 When he finally reaches the dorm, his legs are aching and shaking, and so are his feet that were already sore from the ice skating. He was freezing, shivering as he manages to unlock the door.

 “Ryota? Is that you?” He hears Kouki call out, and all the three hear is silence.

 “Can someone get a towel?” He says quietly. And then Mamoru appears, and Ryota really wanted the floor to swallow him up, as Mamoru could instantly tell he was crying.

 "And about three blankets? You’re drenched!” Mamoru says, stepping forward to take the elders bag and coat. Kouki also appears and swears under his breath.

 “Jesus Christ Ryota! How long were you out there for?” He cries as he catches the towel crying being thrown across the room by Kensuke, and wrapping the large, fluffy towel around Ryota’s shivering frame, another one getting thrown over his head. Mamoru throws his coat into the washing machine and starts to empty his bag, putting the elders phone on charge and putting ice-skates in the cupboard, putting the wallet and the few other wet things on the counter.

 “Almost two hours.” He mumbles, and Kouki sighs, feeling his forehead for any signs of a temperature and Kouki instantly knew he was going to be ill tomorrow.

 “What were you doing?” Kouki asks, a tad harsher than he’d expected to come out, especially when Ryota sniffles and wipes away his tears.

 “They left me. I waited for two hours and then had to walk back. My phone died.” He whispers, tears running down his face as the warmth finally started to get to him. He was still standing in the doorway as Kouki uses his thumb to wipe away a few stray tears.

 “And you didn’t think to catch a bus?”

 “I don’t know how… Or where from.”

 Kouki does understand as buses and trains across Tokyo almost needed a while school subject to understand if you didn’t do it every day. Ryota reaches up to start drying his hair, and Kouki sighs some more, taking in the sight of a soaked Ryota.

 “Come on, let’s get changed.”

 Ryota wasn’t expecting to be picked up by Kensuke, but he doesn’t exactly fight it. He’s freezing and Kensuke’s not. In fact, Kensuke is amazingly warm. Ryota closes his eyes, and whimpers when Kensuke slightly adjust him in his arms. Once he’s placed on the toilet seat, Mamoru returns with some warm clothing and half of each of their wardrobes, or what it looks like.

 “Are you gonna torment me now?” He asks Mamoru, who’s face falls.

 “Not when your lips are blue, no.” He replies as he hands Kouki some more clothing.

 “What exactly happened Ryota?” Kouki asks as he lifts the silver haired mans shirt over his head, chucking it into the bath, and quickly wrapped a towel around his torso.

 “We went to the ice rink, but they didn’t really skate, so I left them a couple times just going round. They said they’d meet me outside for dinner and then when I went outside, they were gone. I stayed for two hours thinking they’d text me saying something had happened, but my phone died, so I walked home. Then I started to rain and I got caught in it.” He mumbles, and Mamoru snorts.

 “And you call them your friends?” He asks, and Ryota looks up at the burgundy haired boy.

 “They’re my only friends outside of Tsuki.” Ryota replies as he shuffles into Kensuke’s large jumper.

 “Then get better friends in Tsuki. They were not your friends, not leaving you like that.” Mamrou whispers as he dries Ryota’s hair, and the other leans forward, slightly startling Mamoru as he wraps his arms around his waist from where he sits on the toilet lid, and where Mamoru stands between his legs. Mamrou hugs him back, holding Ryota tight.

 Kouki and Kensuke smile from where they perch on the side of the bathtub, and watch as Mamoru crouches down.

 “We’re your friends Ryota. We wouldn’t leave you behind. And we won’t when we go ice skating next week. Okay?” He glances over at Kouki and Kensuke, who agree and both smile brightly as Ryota thanks them over and over again.

 

 They sat Ryota on the sofa with his duvet, and they watched him eat as they talked quietly, the television on just as background noise. Kouki doesn’t mind Ryota cuddling up to him. All of a sudden, Ryota sneezes, and whines. He snuggles further into his duvet and Kouki’s side. The leader knew this would happen.

 “Kensuke, would you mind grabbing some medicine?” He asks, “It’s better if we fight it before it gets worse.”

 Ryota is barely awake by the time Kensuke returns with the cold medicine and a spoon. Mamoru hands over his water bottle, and Kensuke spoons the liquid into his mouth, skilfully not spilling any. Ryota sticks out his tongue, and downs the water, handing it back to Mamoru as he cuddles back against Kouki. The blond moves Ryota into his lap, and slides down the sofa a little so he can hold Ryota more comfortably against his chest.

 The boy falls asleep within seconds.

 

 

 

“Good morning Kensuke.” Kouki greets the younger male with a cup of coffee that was steaming, and he thanks him, sipping at it as he sits down at the bar.

 “Have you heard from Ryota this morning?” Kensuke asks, and Kouki shakes his head.

 “I think the medicine helped, he seemed to be sleeping and breathing alright when I checked a while ago.” He replies, and Kensuke smiles weakly.

 “I checked my schedule for next week, I only have Thursday off. I couldn’t check the groups or anyone elses, as it was midnight when I looked.” Kensuke says, and stretches his arms up, making something click. Mamoru enters the kitchen whilst yawning, and sits next to Kensuke with a small smile on his face.

 “What days do you have Mamoru?” Kouki asks after greeting him good morning. Mamoru pulls out his phone and logs in, he checks his schedule.

 “I have Wednesday and Thursday off.” He says, and puts his phone on silent as his alarm goes off. Kensuke leans up to write on the calendar that was pinned to the wall above the bar. He writes Ice skating in nice bold letters, and underneath, writes all day, and agrees that they wouldn’t accept anything for that day.

 When Ryota walks through, he’s looking fine, and when asked, he says he just feels a bit sluggish, but not ill like he did last night. Kouki just makes him take one more spoonful of medicine before letting him get changed and ready for their dance lesson.

 

 

Thursday comes round pretty quickly, and Ryota doesn’t actually know what’s happening until Kensuke hands him his ice skates just before they leave. Ryota just stands there holding them until Mamoru starts to drag him.

 “Did you think I was lying?” Mamoru asks, and Ryota just smiles happily as he jogs after Kouki as they make their way to the train station. Thankfully, Kensuke had an idea of what times everything was leaving, and his idea was correct as they hop onto the train, and find somewhere to sit. Ryota sits there, holding his bag in his lap with a smile on his face the entire journey.

 “Just to let you know, I’ve never been ice skating.” Kouki says, and Kensuke has to put down his coffee to not spew it everywhere with laughter.

 “This is going to be great then.” He giggles and Kouki slaps him on the shoulder.

 “I can teach you.” Ryota offers, but Kouki refuses.

 “I’m going to try, but I’d like to see your moves.” Kouki says, and Ryota laughs.

 “At least one of you has to try a triple toe loop.” He says, and they all look at him dumbstruck, as they had no idea what the hell that was, or how the hell to do it.

 

 Ryota was incredibly graceful, and at the moment he was just tying up his laces. Mamoru was sat by his side, strapping on his rented ice skates whilst Ryota leaned down and clipped the right bit in the right place so Mamoru wouldn’t fall over. Ryota’s skates were white with a blue skate. What they didn’t tell him, was that they’d asked the company to rent the entire ice rink out so they would be alone for the day.

 Ryota helped Kensuke onto the ice first, getting him to hold onto the side and Kouki had already fallen over just walking to the ice. Mamoru was still laughing from that. Once everyone was on the ice, Mamoru challenged him to a race, being the only one confident enough that he might be able to win.

 “How come you think that?” Ryota jokes and Mamoru smirks.

 “Because I used to speed skate when I was little.” Mamoru giggles.

 Ryota then agreed on the challenge, Kouki being the referee.

 “Three! Two! One…. GO!” He shouts.

 Both of the boys stay neck and neck for a second or two, before Ryota starts moving his feet again, and he leaves Mamoru behind. They both were really quick and Kensuke could only stare in amazement that Mamoru was actually keeping pretty close to Ryota. They were just about to finish when Mamoru accidently dipped his toe forward, and his ice skate dug into the ice, stopping his movement altogether. He falls to the ice and slides straight into the barrier. Ryota stops too, sliding in a circle and makes his way over.  He’s thankful to find that Mamoru was laughing his head off and not in any pain.

 “The only move I know is called a triple axel I think.” Kensuke says, and Ryota clicks his fingers, and skates off.

 From their places at the barrier, they watch as Ryota jumps off the ice, and spins. He lands perfectly and still continues to skate. Mamoru claps and whoops, making Ryota blush and bow shyly.  He skates back, and grabs Kouki’s hands, and drags him out. Ryota kept a held of Kouki’s hands as he skates backwards. There’s obvious fear written all over his face as he grips onto Ryota with incredibly strength.  Kouki is mostly confused as to how Ryota can skate backwards.

 It’s the happiest they’ve seen Ryota in a while as he lets go of Kouki, the elder screeching and grabbing him before he can skate away again. Ryota laughs his head off, and starts to go faster, and Kouki looks terrified.

 As Ryota gets faster, Mamoru gets up to speed with them, and links arms with Kouki, letting Ryota go and free skate. Kensuke finds himself videoing the elder doing all sorts of moves on the ice. The very little times he falls, they all flinch, but watch in awe as he gets back up with grace and continues to skate as if nothing happened.

 “Can you do a backflip?” Mamoru shouts, and Ryota shouts no back, having tried when he was little and almost killed himself.

 “So, how come you like ice skating?” Kouki asks now that Ryota is holding onto him once more.

 “There’s a figure skater called Yuzuru Hanyu. I really like him and I still have a crush on him now.” Ryota says, blushing heavily, “He’s amazing! He was the youngest male to ever win an Olympic medal, I forget which one.”

 “So you were smitten with him?” Kouki asks, and Ryota nods.

 “Maybe one day I’ll compete. But for now, I’d like to sing, forever!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like Yuzuru Hanyu...
> 
> I really don't know much about Growth or SOARA, and so the characters may be a little off, and I apologize for that!


	3. Swimming Soara

“Hey, Sora, what do you think about going swimming tomorrow?” Ren asks from where he perches on the back of the sofa, earphones in but with paused music. Sora puts his phone down, and looks at the others in the group, who shrug and agree. Morihito grabbing his own phone from the table, half dropping it into his lap once he sits back.

 “Sure, what time?” Sora says, picking up his phone again and letting Ren slump down beside him, pressing into his side, and resting his head on the leaders shoulder. The younger boy goes through his phone, not looking at anything to do with the subject as it seemed that everyone else seemed to be doing it anyways.

 “Whatever time.” He says, stretching his legs to rest on the coffee table, completely unlike Ren to do so.

 “About 11 looks good on the website. How about our schedules?” Morhito pipes up, showing his phone screen for the rest of them to look at and giving a smile.

 “Our schedules are free.” Soushi mumbles, and sits back, picking up the controller again to beat the shit of out Nozomu in Mortal Kombat.

 “We might as well go.” Sora agrees, throwing the blanket over his legs and Ren’s body as the fair haired boy starts to get sleepier. Soushi would probably end up carrying him to his bedroom like most nights they stayed up. Soushi doesn’t beat Nozomu, and chucks the controller to Morihito,

 “Alright then!” Nozomu shouts.

 

 

 He’s drowning. Azure, Aegean, Artic water is filling up his lungs with every single unintentional breath. It’s crashing against his body, bruising the skin with indigo patches. Maybe this will be the last time he swam? The beach isn’t even that far away from him, but it’s too far for him to get to. Salt has layered his mouth in thick slabs, burning like fire down his throat and spread across his chest. He tries to scream out for someone, anyone, but no one can hear him.

 Not even the wind.

 His chest is becoming heavy with his lung that are full of ocean water, and it’s rising in his throat. He’s becoming one with the water around him.

 The ocean waters are getting worse, stronger, bruising his body wore than ever before. With vision hazy, and breathing barely there, he’s closing his eyes. But they shoot back open. He can’t fall asleep, not now, it’s not time for sleep. It’s time to swim. But there’s no effort behind his kicks or his arm movements, there’s no happiness behind his smile as he lets his body drop beneath the water’s surface.

 His vision finally goes dark, and he can feel something slowing in his chest. That’s when the real struggle begins. He’s fighting, pushing the water away from him with weak and injured arms, but nothing working. The desperation isn’t enough, he needs saving from this. But when desperation runs out, he’s gone.

 

 

  Sora’s gasping for air the second he’s upright, the sheets of his bed having been flung to the floor, half of them still wrapped around his legs where he’d kicked them incessantly. His chest is heaving with gasps, body wracking breaths that hurt like hell. It’s hyperventilation at it’s finest, and he knows it, and knows how Ren feels. But there’s no way to stop it. He closes his eyes, it comes back, and his hearts dropping, stomach churning.

 Tears stream down his skin and are wiped away with the rough matieral of bed shees. A coughing fit breaks through it all, and eventually, he’s back to where he started, breathing normally and running shaky hands through is hair. Sora’s glad for their sound proofed bedroom walls.

 Sora lays there for what must be four hours until his arm at nine goes off, and he turns it off with bleary eyes. He knows he’s up first, and the second he steps into the bathroom, it all comes flooding back. Dropping to the floor, his hands find themselves tangled in red-ish hair, and he simply has to breath to calm down. He couldn’t feel more sick and useless. He’s disgusted by the water…

 More so disgusted by the way the previous version of him would love to shove his head underneath.

 The dorm is quiet as he steps into the kitchen, and is caught by Mori before anyone else as he slowly sips on his cold glass of milk, sitting cross-legged on the balcony. Mori finds it odd that he’s not the first one up, and steps through the doorway to sit beside his leader, who acknowledges him with a quiet hello that barely passes his lips. Mori doesn’t feel like the same age as Sora, both of them being 19… He felt old around Sora, especially when he was like this.

 “Are you still alright to go today?” Mori whispers, and absently, Sora can feel himself nod, but Mori asks again.

 “Are you sure?”

 “Yeah, I want to go.” Sora replies, carefully picking his words out from the jumped up dictionary in his head. Mori rubs the back of his neck, and slowly, Sora calms down, and his head clear out. He leans into the touch like a cat.

 “Yeah, I do want to go.”

 

 

Unexpectedly, the whole of the swimming pool in empty, just leaving them there on their own. Soushi asks Ren why he had asked to go, and it just turned out that he was supposed to be on the swimming team for the Idol Olympics with Dai and Kensuke of Growth. It was happening in about two or three weeks, Soushi couldn’t remember. He was proud of Ren getting in. The group go and get changed, and Sora sits on the side for a bit, until Nozomu shotus him over to the deep end.

 “You have to jump in!” He shouts, and Sora shakes his head, really unable to think of anything worse at that point in his life.

 “You swim this way, I’ll swim over there.” Sora shouts back, and dunking under and using the wall behind him to push off, and into the deep end of the pool. They pass in the middle, but Sora doesn’t take any notice, only focuseing on not opening his mouth underwater. It’s struggle to swim when you’re afraid of drowning. The water is cold as their noses almost stung from the smell of Chlorine that was filtering the pool.

 “I didn’t know Sora-Kun could swim so well.” Ren smiles, and Mori smiles back, taking off his glasses and leaving them by his bag on the bench that marked the middle of the pool, jumping in and spraying Soushi with water. Soushi then jumps the guitarist, and dunks him under with a cut off scream.

 “Well, we don’t really come here often.” Mori replies once he’s back on the surface.

 Soushi and Mori are talking when it happens.

 Sora gets into the deep end, and shoots up, clinging to the wall when he shouts all the way over again.

 “Someone throw that ring over here!” He shouts, the loudest he’s spoken all day. He only wanted the ring so he could mess with it out of the water, perhaps play fetch with his members from outside of the water. Soushi chucks it as far as he could, but it still misses Sora, and sinks straight to the bottom, exactly like Sora’s heart at that moment.

 “Sorry!”

 Sora dives down without a seconds thought, the deepest pointing the pool, and grabs the ring. But then, he opens his mouth. Water flood his entire mouth, his throat immediately burning from the amount of chlorine in his body. His body his paralysed as his mind twists reality with his nightmare, and suddenly, he’s in the middle of the ocean, drowning. He’s desperately trying to get to the surface again, but he can’t do it. He’s inhaling more water than air, and he can feel his chest burning.

 “Sora?” Soushi turns round to see if his friend got the ring, but all he sees is Sora underwater. He pulls his goggles down, and looks at it from underwater. Sora is clawing at his own throat, and it clicks in his mind.

 “Sora’s drowning!” He screams, and suddenly, for the first time in his life, Mori is thankful to his mother who forced him to do swimming lessons when he was a boy. Both him and Soushi dive forward, and swim with all their mite. Mori gets to him first, and dives back under, coming back up with Sora slumped over his shoulder. Nozomu has run off to get a towel, and was ready for Mori to get Sora out of the water.

 Morihito shoves Sora over the edge of the pool where Ren was already waiting, and Soushi gets out, helping Mori out too. By then, Nozomu had returned, and he and Ren had somehow gotten Sora into the safety position, which doesn’t last long, as Sora flips himself over and vomits. It’s purely water, tumbling out of his mouth as he retches, the last few drawing blood. Now that his lungs are free of water, they can hear him hyperventilating, his hands coming up to claw at his throat again, tearing the skin apart with his nails.

 Soushi hauls Sora into his lap, and presses his bare chest to Sora’s back, so he can feel his chest. Nozomu had done this once before with Ren, and Ren almost knew what to do as he took Morihito’s place as the elder moves around, not sure what actually to do now that he’d watched his leader throw up water. Ren and Nozomu watch on with fear struck inside. Morhito does the same as Soushi almost, but takes Sora’s hand and presses it against his chest.

 Soushi starts to count, and by then, Mori had started to breath heavy, and so they sync themselves so Soushi’s counts link up with Mori’s breaths. And Sora seems to listen, regulating his breath until he can just talk.

 “I can’t breathe.” He coughs, tears shedding his eyes, and Mori leans forward to wiep away his tears.

 “You’re doing really well. Do you want to move away from the water?” He asks, and Sora nods feverently, and practically begs them to move. Soushi moves from underneath Sora to pick him up, Sora’s head falling against his shoulder, and his eyes slip shut.

 “Sora, don’t fall asleep now, come on. We should have a drink.” Ren mumbles, and Sora whines sadly in response, but still opens his eyes. Nozomu searches through his bag as he follows them, handing Mori his glasses and chucking a chocolate bar to Ren.

 “I died.” Sora whispers, and the boys are immediately startled.

 “I was dying, drowning, and there was nothing I could do.” Sora sobs, and was shaking by the end of it, and Soushi realises it’s a nightmare he’s talking about. Soushi sets him down, and Ren crouches in front of him, holding out the chocolate bar. When Sora doesn’t take it, Ren snaps it into its segments, and lays them gently on his hand.

 “You’re really pale, eat this and then you can close your eyes.” Ren whispers and helps Sora eat the chocolate bar whilst Mori ever so gently dries Sora’s hair with a towel.

 “Should I call someone to pick us up?” Nozomu whispers, and Mori looks over.

 “Who’s number do you have?”

 “I have Eichi’s?” He suggests, and Mori nods, and Nozomu walks off with his phone pressed to his ear.

 By the time Sora’s finished eating the chocolate bar, his eyes are drooping and he feels incredibly tires. Also by the time he’s finished, most of them had gotten changed, even Ren who’s managed to shove on a shirt. Nozomu returns as says that Eichi was on his way, and that he could get all of us in the car if someone sat on someone elses lap.

 “I’ll hold onto Sora.” Soushi says, and they all agree with that. Sora is light in Soushi’s hold as he carries their leader out to wear Eichi was, and the older singing frowns, and puts a slim fingered hand on his forehead.

 “I think he had a nightmare, and it almost came back as he went under.” Soushi explains, and Eichi frowns some more. Eichi drives very carefully, and Mori can’t thank him enough.

 “I don’t mind, just keep him hydrated, no matter how little he wants to drink. And make something soft for him for dinner, perhaps soup or something.” Their elder replies, and the group thank him quietly. Eichi helps them carry Sora up to their dorm room, bumping into Shu on the way. He grabs the door and keeps the elevator open, and runs ahead to unlock their dorms front door with Ren, who’s hands were shaking too much to get his key in the door.

 “Your dorm is very colourful, I quite like it.” Eichi says, and Nozomu blushes, mumbling that it was his idea. But he was far more open to explaining how all the black items in the house belonged to Soushi, who reached over the from the sofa and whacked him on whatever he could reach.

 They lay Sora on the sofa, and Ren tucks the blanket around him that was previously folded there. Eichi and Shu watch as Ren ever so gently tucks the hair out of Sora’s eyes, and sits on the floor, exactly like what Eichi would do with the twins.

 “I can’t thank you enough.” Morihito whispers to the two singers, who smile.

 “It’s not a worry. Please, take care of him and let me know later on how he’s doing.” Eichi says.

“And if he’s worried about sleeping, perhaps play some music or stay with him. It helps the Twins.” Shu suggests and Mori takes that into account, showing the singers out and thanking them once more.

 

 Sora wakes up with a painful chest and a parched mouth. A whine breaks through his lips and he swears he hears movement around him, but he can’t seem to open his eyes. There’s suddenly a hand on the side of his cheek, and his whines again, forcing his eyes open. In his bleary vision, he can see Mori and Soushi sat there, smiling at him as he wakes up.

 “Hey, you feeling alright?” Mori whispers and Sora goes to speak, but he just coughs deep in his chest, that takes the pain right up to a hundred. Soushi winces at the sound, and jumps up to grab two glasses, one of milk and one of water. He would probably get Sora to try and drink both.

 “Here, drink this.” Soushi says, and Mori helps Sora sit up so he can drink the water. Soushi holds it up to his lips, and tells him to tap him on the wrists that Sora’s holding onto once he’s had enough to drink. Sora doesn’t hesitate to fill his body with the liquid, and doesn’t tell Soushi to stop until there’s a tiny sip left in the glass. Morihito couldn’t be more glad that his leader was drinking.

 “I’m sorry.” Sora whispers as he’s carried into his bedroom, Soushi holding him tight in his arms.

 “Why? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Soushi whispers. Mori steps ahead and opens the bedroom door, jumping ahead to throw back the sheets for Soushi to lay Sora down. Sora panics when he’s set down, and grabs Mori’s shirt and tugs.

 “It’s okay, I’m staying right here.” Mori whispers

 “I ruined our day…” Sora mumbles tiredly, and Mori climbs into the bed beside him as Soushi brings some more water in.

 “You didn’t ruin anything, if anything, it’s my fault for not realising this morning that you weren’t up for it.” Mori whispers.

 “It was just a nightmare.” Sora whispers, but he misses everything else that is said to him, as sleep catches up with him.

 But he knows…. He knows that no nightmares can get to him.


	4. Poor, Poor Ichiru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for Self-Harm, mentioned depression and implied rape/attempt of rape

It was a normal day in the Quell household. Shu was sat at the kitchen bar, headphone on and tapping on his laptop keys to change something to do with the song they had recently recorded. Every now and then he'd unplug them to get Eichi to listen to what changes he'd made. They would probably have to re-record some parts after the song had been edited, not that any of the Quell members minded. Eichi is on the other side of the counter to him, halfway through cooking dinner when he realises that Ichiru isn't in the room, and that if he didn't get out of the bath soon, he wouldn't be in time for dinner. 

"Issei? Would you mind going to get Ichi? Dinner is almost ready." Eichi calls and the older twin gets up from the sofa to head down the hall withoug even whining. Eichi smiles and his eyes follow the twin as he disappears. There was no noise coming from the bathroom, no humming or anything as Issei gets to the door. 

"Ichiru? Can I come in, I forgot my wash bag." Issei says, gently tapping on the bathroom door with his knuckles. Ichiru was in the bath, and the older one got no reply from his brother. 

"Ichiru?" He singsongs. 

Guessing by the silence, that his brother was asleep, Issei pulls the handle down and slips into the bathroom, thankful the door wasn't locked. 

Just as he thought, Ichiru was fast asleep in the tinted red water. His chest was just above the water as were the tips of his feet. His head was tilted to one side, resting against the tiles of the wall. Also, his hair wasn't even wet. Issei picks up his wash bag, setting it just outside of the bathroom on the floor to being waking his brother. 

Wait. 

Tinted red? 

Ichiru was sensitive to any type of bath bomb, unlike Issei who surprisingly wasn't. And it's not like they owned any anyways. And they didn't own any red bubble bath either. Issei steps forward, and gently shakes his brother, expecting him to wake up instantly like he usually did. He doesn't. Issei crouches down beside the bath. 

"Come on Ichiru, wake up! Dinner's ready." 

Issei goes to grab his brother arm, and ends up holding his hand tightly. Open, fresh red wounds littered Ichiru's arm, and on a second glance, his other hand was holding a razor in numb fingers. There's no old wounds that Issei can see when he focuses on them. What the hell was he doing in here? Panic kicks in Issei's chest, knocking his breathing out as he stares at his brothers arm. Ichiru wasn't asleep, he was unconscious. 

"EICHI! SHU!" Issei screams, desperately trying to wake his brother. The water was sloshing about his body now, and soaked Issei's legs. 

"What's wrong!" Issei hears Eichi shout from the kitchen. Upon seeing Eichi shouts back, Shu takes off his headphones to hear the conversation. It wasn't like Eichi to shout, especially not to the twins. Shu frees himself from the wires as a thick silence followed. 

"Eichi!" Issei sobs back, tears streaming down his face as he grows more hysteric by the second. Both Shu and Eichi jolt upwards, and are soon appearing in the doorway, both darting to action upon seeing Ichiru laying unconscious in the bath, with wounds all over his arm. Both of the older males had seen this once before, on someone else. 

Eichi turns to Issei and calmly tells him to go and get some loose clothing, as Shu begins to drain the bath and pick Ichiru up. Both his arms and legs drop limp and Eichi had to push back tears to help. 

"Did you turn everything off in the kitchen?" Shu whispers, and Eichi nods yes, letting his own tears fall as his brave and composed resolve breaks. Shu gently pats Ichiru down with a towel. 

When Issei returns, he helps his unconscious brother into some clothing as Eichi runs down to get the car started, running into Rikka along the way. Upon hearing Eichi cry out what happened, Rikka finds himself running back to his own dorm. 

"Rikka, you look like you've seen a ghost." Shiki says, thankfully having come out of his room to get a drink. 

"Ichiru's unconscious, they're taking him to the hospital." Rikka says, and the other members are suddenly alert. 

"Why?" Tsubasa asks, already getting his shoes on and throwing Dai his. 

"He's self harmed"

Shiki stays behind to make sure that Shu can carry the younger Kuga twin, and ends up holding Issei's hand as he cries for his brother. After getting Ichiru into the car, Tsubasa rides with Quell, because Issei was not able to hold himself together, and Dai was helping him stand practically. Rikka drives SolidS and Issei down to the hospital Shiki holding Issei in his arms. 

When they get to the hospital, Ichiru is taken off of them immediately and rushed away, leaving Shu in damp clothing that was stained red a little bit. Rikka gladly sits with Issei cuddled next to him, the boy sobbing as Shu kneels in front of him, trying to reassure that his twin would be just fine. Shiki takes his place when the leader of Quell stands to hold Eichi, who was softly crying and staring at the door Ichiru had just been taken through .

"He'll be okay.." Shu whispers, and gently kisses Eichi's cheek where the tears fell. 

Tsubasa was stood leaning against the wall when he hears Dai whisper to him. 

"What made him do that?" The younger blue haired man asks, and Tsubasa sighs, running hand through his hair as he can't get the sight of the poor Kuga twin out of his mind. 

"I don't know." 

 

 

"He's on anti-depressants and will be for the next three months. He's lost a bit of blood but not enough that he needs an infusion. He will be awake soon." The doctor had said, and they were finally allowed into the room. 

Tsubasa agrees to go first, ducking his head as he walks through the door. Ichiru is still resting, this time asleep rather than unconscious. At the sight of his injured arm, Tsubasa feels hi own arm tingle, old scars returning to light almost. He sits on the edge of the bed, ,and runs his fingers through Ichiru's now sweat drenched hair. He can't bear to see him like this. 

"It's okay, you're okay." He whispers, and Dai finally comes in with Shu, Eichi and Shiki, and honestly, it's a relief when they do, because the talking distracts him. 

"Issei?"

"I'm not going in." issei says, and curls up on his seat. Rikka kneels in front of him and takes his hands. 

"Why not? He needs you more than anyone." 

"He needs someone who won't cry hysterically because they though he'd lost him. He needs someone who he can tell when they're depressed." Issei cries, and Rikka holds him tight. 

"If I told you, that our dear Tsubasa gets depressed easily, would you believe me?

 

_Tsubasa didn't know what to do with this newfound emotion. He'd just eaten and drunk some water, but he still felt empty inside, like his organ and everything else in there had just left his body. He felt exhausted, despite having woken up late and having slept right through the night. Cold, yet he had three layers on and the heating was up quite high._

_He knew something was wrong when he started to genuinely want to die. When he started to believe that not even music could make his life worth something. His mind felt blank looking at each and every word on the page, when beforehand Shiki's lyrics came to life. Looking the mirror, his eyes were lighter in colour, and so was his entire face._

_And so, he became reluctant to sing, his vocals getting worse and he was sent home more often, only to spend more time alone in his dark bedroom._

_He began cutting, each and every time he entered the bathroom, he left with a new scar on his forearm. Soon it spread to both. On bad days, he'd leave with two. On horrendous, he'd leave with five. Eventually, all the days were bad. The days he'd spend alone he'd sobs and scream so no one could hear him, and fake smile as soon as the others got home._

_Tsubasa didn't look forward to every day like he did before. He fakes more of his smiles than ever before, and even gave up looking for Dai's attention. He turned to blood and wounds for help, and sleeping. Eating when he was hungry, which was barely ever._

_"Tsubasa, you look tired, are you okay?" Rikka asks him one photo0-shoot, thankfully outside and in winter, so long sleeves all day. Rikka's voice is gentle, motherly and Tsubasa almost crumbles over just his voice._

_"I'm fine Rikka." Another fake smile, "I'm just tired, that's all."_

_"You can sleep in the car Sweetie."_

_And he does. He falls fast asleep before the other had fully gotten in. Rikka places himself next to him, and wonder why Tsubasa curls away from him. Shiki ends up carrying him in and so Tsubasa wakes up alone and in the dark._

_It wasn't until it came out in an argument, did Tsubasa break down in front of them._

_"Yeah, and you don't seem to care either!" Shiki shouted, causing the rest of them to flinch, "Every single photo-shoot you don't look like you want to be there. And you never even look like you want to be in the group!"  
_

_"I DON'T!" Tsubasa finally shouted in reply, and the group turn to him as tears trail down his face in large amounts._

_"I don't want to do this anymore, it's not worth it! I'm not excited for the Tokyo dome, or the Budokan." He shouts back._

_"Tsubasa?"_

_"I just want to die!" He sobs, and his knees give out. Rikka lunges to grap him before he falls, but isn't there in time. Rikka holds him in his lap as Tsubasa sobs hysterically, loosing himself in Rikka's gentle reminders that he's okay, and that they've got him._

_They've got him?_

_They always have done. Always have been there to catch him. But he wasn't there for himself._

_Distantly, he's aware that Dai was holding him as well as Shiki, who was now tearing up too. Tsubasa pushes Rikka away reluctantly to pull up his sleeves and ashamedly shows them his scars._

_Rikka only pulls him back to his chest, and a sob breaks through is own lips._

_"I'm sorry," Rikka sobs, "I'm so sorry Tsubasa!"_

 

"Since then, we don't really leave him alone for too long, and the weeks we are free, he takes tablets and we do activities with him." Rikka tells Issei, who's shaking a little. 

"The scars don't go away." 

Both Rikka and Issei flinch out of their skin and turn to face Tsubasa, who's stood there. Guilt makes Rikka feel sick to the stomach. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Don't worry. If it helps, then tell him. I want to tell Ichiru anyways." Tsubasa says earnestly. He kneels next to Rikka to look up at Issei with sadness in his eyes as he gently rolls up his sleeves. Issei runs his fingers over the scars, and a sob bubbles through is lips. He thought of all those time Tsubasa had laughed with a fake smile and now he regretted everything mean he's ever said about anyone. 

"Your bother needs you more than anyone else. He loves you." 

And finally, Issei goes in, leaving Tsubasa and Rikka to sit outside. Shu moves away so Issei can sit next to his brother on the bed, and he sobs into his brothers shoulder lightly. Shiki runs a hand over the twins back, and silently reassures him. Eichi looks away and presses his chin into Shu's shoulder. 

"You're brave." Rikka whispers to Tsubasa, who leans against him. 

"Thanks. They're going to scar, his wounds. I don't think that was his intention. Ichiru... ahh, I don't know what to say anymore." Tsubasa mumbles, pulling down his sleeves to hide his own. 

"I'm wondering whether someone at the company said something." Rikka sighs, and prays that's not the reason. 

"If they have, I'm going to throttle them." Tsubasa swears, before heaving a sigh of his own, bubbling with anxiety. Rikka takes his hands into his, and presses a kiss into his hair. 

"Take some tablets when we get back." Rikka suggest, and Tsubasa nods, only to pull them out his back pocket. 

"I grabbed them on the way out. I knew I'd end up taking them before you'd mentioned what Ichiru had done. "

"Is it feeling bad?" Rikka asks, as Tsubasa downs the tablet, hissing at the awful taste it leaves in his mouth. 

“Pretty bad. Just anxiety I think.” He whispers, and looks up to find Shiki leaving the room. He’s crying, carefully almost, and Tsubasa soon finds himself trapped in Shiki’s tight hold as he glances almost frightened at Rikka, who knows what's about to be said.

 “Don’t you ever, ever do something like that, hear me? I don’t know what to do with Ichiru, let along if it were you.” Shiki says, and Tsubasa finally relaxes into his embrace, and his inner demons seems to go away, whether that being the medication or Shiki’s words, but he feels calm. He doesn’t get to say another word before Dai pops out.

 “Ichiru is awake.”

 

 “I wanted to feel something,” Ichiru says, “I didn’t think I would end up here. I… I really didn’t mean to do this!”

 “But what made you want to feel something.” Eichi asks.

 “Our new dance teacher.”

 “I’m gonna fucking kill him.” Tsubasa says, but Rikka catches his arm.

 “Calm down, nothing helps if you’re angry.”

 “Sorry… Sorry Ichi.”

 “It’s fine.” Ichiru replies with a sheepish smile, but Issei shakes his head.

 “It’s not fine! What the hell did he say or do to make you hospitalise yourself?” Issei asks, frightened of his twins answer.

 “He… He said I shouldn’t bother. With anything. And he tried to…” Ichiru trails off, trying to find the right words by moving his hands in a circular motion.

 “Rape you?” Shiki and Eichi slaps him on the shoulder.

 “No, he’s right, Eichi.”

 “What?” The group cry, and Ichiru flinches.

 “He tried to rape last Friday. He didn’t manage to though, because the fire alarm went off, and we had to go outside. Then we all left anyways…”

 “I did this, because he told me I wasn’t worth my singing career and the fame I have. I don’t know what made me believe him. But he kept using… my… our… lack of parents as a tool to get to me.” Ichiru whispers, fingers clenching around the sheets. And then, he catches a glimpse of his own arm, the first time he’d seen it. He stares at it in horror, but then Tsubasa’s hand it covering them.

 “No one knows, truly, why the do, what they do. Especially this.” He says, trying to rid the shakiness from his voice. He then looks up to the other, but Shiki gets to it first.

 "You can tell him Tsu, but only if you’re sure.”

 “Did you… do this?” Ichiru asks, and Tsubasa nods.

 “I did many more. On both my arms. Thankfully, I wasn’t hospitalised. It’s the worst feeling in the world, feeling like you can’t tell a single soul about what’s going on up there in that head. But once you do, it’s like a pressure off your chest.” Tsubasa says, and shows Ichiru the scars, he does the same as his brother had done, running his fingers over them.

 “But why? Why were you… sad?” Ichiru asks innocently, and the group feel Tsubasa’s soul bleed from his mouth.

 “Ahh shit. I haven’t told any of you this, have I?” He says, and the group just shake their heads.

 “I guess it started with that interview back in December, when she asked me about my over the top personality. Then it grew from there, being alone as Dai and Rikka were away and Shiki working a lot of the time. Even when we were together, it made me realise that I was the loudest, and my personally was too much. Anyways, enough about me.”

 “No!” Ichiru cries, “That’s not true! You’re personality is amazing, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself ever again.”

 They are both tearing up, but not breaking eye contact.

”Only if you promise to me, you won’t do the same.” Tsubasa say seriously.

 Ichiru holds up his pinky finger.

 “I promise.”

 

 

 The moment they turn the corner into the large dance studio, and spot _him_ , they all freeze. It was Monday now, and Ichiru was much better, having been happier than he had been in his entire life around his friends and family. Family. Shiki stops where he stands a little way off, and closes his eyes, having tried to make sure he got there early to warn Quell that the small fat dance teacher was there.

 Ichiru unconsciously grabs Shu’s arm, and the leader can feel how much the twin is shaking. As the teacher turns to face them, Issei stands in front of Ichiru, ready to kill anyone for who touched his brother.

 Now, Issei wasn’t as intimidating as Ichiru, having a frail body and literally being terrified of people he didn’t know or large crowds. It wasn’t every day that Issei was the one doing the protecting.

 “Ah, it’s good to see you back Ichiru, I hope you’re ready for today’s lesson.” The man says, and Ichiru takes a step back, and finds himself hiding from view behind Shu, trembling now as he hides. Eichi’s heart pounds at the sight, and the teacher begins to walk towards them.

 He doesn’t get far as Rikka comes out of nowhere, punching the living lights out of the teacher and surely breaking his nose. And by the sound, Rikka’s knuckles. The staff around them gasp, and go to hold Rikka back, but Shiki is already doing that. They can literally see the fire in his eyes.

 “Don’t you dare go near him! You’re the reason behind this, you freak!” He shouts, anger fuelling him beyond belief, so bad that he’s almost slipping into French, the Japanese seemingly not enough to get his point across. Shiki holds him tight, and Rikka doesn’t try and fight out of his grip.

 “What do you mean?” The teacher asks, and Issei goes mental at the fake confusion.

 “You tried to sexually abuse him! And that’s why he was hospitalised, because you told him stupid shit about himself that wasn’t true!” Issei shouts, fear being his fuel for anger. The staff around them are muttering, and Growth and Soara freeze with frightened expressions. Eichi notices how Ren is mostly hidden behind Sora, and Kouki is gripping onto Ryota, who looks furious.

 Ichiru just wants to go home. He wants to hold Issei and be held by Shu or Eichi or both. He doesn’t want to be near anyone else. Shu reaches back with his free hand, and holds Ichiru as best he can. When the teacher takes a third step forward, Ichiru feels his heart stop as he reaches out to grab Eichi, who turns to face him.

 “Can we go? Please, I want to go…” He mouths and Eichi nods.

 “I didn’t do such a thing to him.”

 “Then how come he told is whilst in a hospital bed?” Tsubasa finally speaks up, “I trust him more than you.”

 Shu feels hair tickle the back of his neck, and realises that Ichiru is burying his face into the back of his neck, still trying to hide.

 “And so what if I did? He’s the one who cut himself open!”

 “Because you told me to!” Ichiru shouts, forcing himself out of his comfort zone and showing himself finally, Shu keeping a hold of his arms.

”You told me I would do so much better with cuts covering my body! You told me that no one cared, and that no one would ever like me as much as my brother! You told me that it was my fault that we were orphaned!” He cries, catching himself before he swore. Issei flinches badly, ands steps back into Eichi, who laces his hands through the twins and steps in front of him like Shu had done. Fear is radiating from the both of them like fire.

 “You could never be Issei.”

 “That’s because they’re different you twat!” Tsubasa shouts, and Ichiru finally sobs.

”I listened to you, because you were so much stronger than me! I couldn’t fight you, so I listened. You tried to rape me, and told me that I should cut myself, and … and-“

 “That’s enough.”

 The groups all turn to face Procellarum’s manager, Kurosuki Dai, and Shun. Ichiru ducks behind Shu once more, and Shu does his best to hide the younger boy. Shun doesn’t say a word, just stands by the side of his manger, glaring daggers at the dance teacher, which was enough to turn anyone to stone.

 “You’re fired. Come into the office to talk about this situation. If you do anything else or say anything else, I will have you arrested.” Dai says, and SolidS’ Dai can’t help his relieved sigh at a final intervention. He glances over to Shu and Eichi, who are both turned to the twins, Shu having to practically hold Ichiru up. Dai makes his way over with a jog, and offers a helping hand to the boys.

 “Get on my back,” he whispers to Ichiru, “I’ll get you safe.”

 Eichi carried Issei as they follow Dai to their dressing room, Shiki coming in a while later as Ichiru sat on Shu’s lap, cuddled up with him and Issei who’s close too.

 “Where’s Tsu and Rikka?” Eichi asks, and Shiki visibly winces.

”Tsubasa is patching up Rikka’s hand. He’s busted his knuckles. You should get them home, I wouldn’t wait for them two.”

 Eichi and Shu takes that advice, and ring their manager who was happy to drive them home without asking a single question. The twins cling to one another, even when Shu and Eichi carry them into their dorm and put them on the sofa, where Eichi covers them with a duvet and lets them hug it out.

 “It’s not your fault,” Shu whispers sadly, “that you don’t have parents. Ichiru, whoever gave birth to you loved you a lot, and that’s why they gave to the people who looked after you.”

 “If it weren’t like this, you wouldn’t have met us, and become such wonderful boys you are now.”

 Eichi comes back through carrying a tray of hot chocolate, something Eichi very rarely made on either their birthdays or Christmas.

 “They’re a lot more in the kitchen, you can have as much as you like.” Eichi whispers.

 “I won’t do it again. I won’t hurt myself.”

 “Good, because we don’t want to loose you.”

 

 


	5. Beach Beach Part 1/2

“I wanna go to the beach.” Rikka mumbles one evening, half asleep against Tsubasa who’s reading through the script of their new question show, glancing over a few questions they’d be asked. Shiki and Dai are sat on the opposite sofa, legs intertwined as Dai read and Shiki watches their most recent MV now that it was released. They all hear Rikka’s tired mumble, and each of them smile, as it’s not often Rikka expresses a want to go somewhere. Dai glances over the top of his book, and wonders whether either of them will do anything. Tsubasa puts down his script, slowly leaning away from Rikka to get his phone, and checks his schedule, then signing into the groups schedule to look through it all. He screenshots both his and the groups, and sends them to Shiki and Dai, who checks their phones simultaneously.

Dai smiles and looks over to Shiki, who shrugs and whispers a ‘why not’ as Saturday was entirely free. Dai leans back into Shiki’s chest, and they both rearrange themselves into a more comfortable cuddling position.

“We can tell him now though.” He whispers a bit louder so Tsubasa can hear, and the blond looks down to find Rikka fast asleep, resting heavily on Tsubasa now. Shiki goes to tell him off when he nudges him, but falls into a smile watching as Tsubasa nudges Rikka awake, and slowly helps him lay down, putting Rikka’s head on his lap, and draping the blanket that was previously folded over the back of the sofa over Rikka’s body, who’s soft fingers curl around the edge of the material.

Tsubasa glances back up just in time to catch Dai completely drop his phone into his lap and smile sheepishly, Shiki’s chuckle vibrating against his back.

“Did you just take a picture?” Tsubasa mouths, and Dai shakes his head cheekily, knowing that at least the four pictures he’d just taken were going to be his phone’s lock-screen for the next four months, or at least until a new picture was taken. Shiki replaces his earphones in his ears, taking the right one and handing it to Dai, who inserts it and lets Shiki rest the phone on his chest as they both continue to watch more videos until the clock chimed eleven.

Tsubasa was glad there was no awkwardness between the four of them, especially on nights like this.

“It’s Friday tomorrow, and Rikka has a pretty big shoot. After your interview Tsubasa, we’ll go shopping and get some bits for a picnic. Just don’t let Rikka into the kitchen after that. We can go on Saturday to the beach, I’ll drive.” He whispers, and they all agree and smile in sync, except of course, for Rikka, who continues to sleep in Tsubasa’s lap.

“I’m excited now.” Dai whispers back, and Tsubasa giggles a little.

“I can’t wait to tell Rikka. No… We should surprise him! He’s been at what, four modelling shoots just this week? Tomorrow is his fifth?” Tsubasa says, and Shiki nods sadly, Dai sighing.

Rikka is beautiful like this, sleeping and peaceful. His hair was loose, and played all over Tsubasa’s lap. As Tsubasa runs a gently hands down the side of his face, tucking stray hair away, he just wishes he hadn’t overheard his phone call earlier on in the week, as it made him worry. He had told both Dai and Shiki what he’d heard. Shiki had told Tsubasa not to worry too much, unless Rikka told them or expressed a form of sadness over it.

 

_Tsubasa goes to duck into Rikka’s bedroom, about to shout out how dinner was ready and scare the lights out of him, but freezes just before he opens the door to listen to what Rikka was saying._

_“I’m sorry father, I can’t do that. I can’t leave SolidS or Tsuki just because you want me to. I am no longer ten, father.” Rikka says, sniffling a little as Tsubasa catches a glimpse of him in the mirror, with tear streaks down his face. After another couple of seconds, Rikka’s shoulder slump as he leans forward on his desk._

_“Father, I do not want to leave. I don’t want to become your perfect image, as that is not my perfect image. I’m sorry father.” Rikka says, and places his phone down, riskily putting it on loudspeaker. Thankfully, Tsubasa understood a little bit of French to hear his father replying. He wondered whether Rikka was just speaking Japanese to him to make a point or just to spite him._

_“Rikka, restu au Japon n’est pas une bonne decision. Je vuex tu revinnes ici et modele pour la France. Mon fils-“_

_“I’m not your son,” Rikka hisses, “I don’t model because you want me to, not anymore. I model to show the world who I really am. I model because I enjoy it, not because I am forced by you anymore. Father, I will not return to France.”_

_And with that, Rikka’s ending the phone call. Tsubasa quickly darts down the hall, and restarts what he was about to do before catching Rikka._

_“Rikka – darling!” He singsongs, and pokes his head round the door once more._

_“Dinner is ready!”_

 

Shiki ends up carrying Rikka to bed, gently depositing the younger into his bed, and tucking him in. Thankfully, all of them were in pyjamas anyways. Rikka sighs deeply and curls around his duvet.

The next morning, Rikka and Shiki are the first ones up like usual, and surprisingly, Tsubasa doesn’t take an age to wake up. Rikka’s just about to leave, before he remembers something, swears about it in French and makes some sort of, what Tsubasa would call, a velociraptor noise. He runs back to his room. Just as he passes the living room, Tsubasa starts crying with laughter as a pair of shoes are thrown down the hall by Rikka who was previously wearing them. From his room, they can hear him laughing too, and shouting incoherent words.

“What the hell are you doing?” Dai shouts back in amusement as he puts the shoes back into the cabinet by the front door.

“I forgot I was supposed to wear these certain shoes and I’m gonna be late.” Rikka shouts back, before appearing in some shoes that not many people would ever see him in. Or at least not many people before this photo-shoot. They’re knee high boots that are laced up the front, three inch heels that Rikka doesn’t stumble on as he jogs back through. Shiki just stares in amazement whilst Dai giggles still. Tsubasa folds himself over as he coughs with laughter.

“How the hell did you just run in those things?” Tsubasa laughs, and Rikka’s smile almost explodes his heart as he flings his bag over his shoulder. Tsubasa’s breath is slightly taken away by the smile, and just by the look on Dai’s face, his breath was gone too.

“I was taught!” He replies before running out the front door.

Shiki sighs the moment the door shuts, as Tsubasa calms himself down enough to sit near Shiki, picking up one of his pens to flick it between his fingers.

“He’s rushed off his feet.” Shiki says, and Dai agrees with a hum as he passes a cup of coffee over the counter to the leader. Tsubasa moves to perch himself on the counter, and sips his drink. When Tsubasa next checks his phone, he finds himself jumping off the counter to jump all over the place whilst Dai and Shiki just watch.

“I don’t have an interview.” He singsongs, showing them his new schedule and draping himself over Shiki’s back, who smiles a little up at him.

“Plus, you’re free tomorrow.” Dai notes, and Tsubasa smiles very brightly.

“That mean, we can cook stuff for the picnic too!”

“Only if you study!” Dai yells as he walks to the bathroom.

“Don’t remind me!”

 

Tsubasa gives himself the job of pushing the trolley around the supermarket so he doesn’t get in the way as Shiki and Dai discuss what they were going to make. The plan was that they would get take-out for dinner, so that Rikka wouldn’t get the chance to go into the kitchen.

“I fell like if we cook, Rikka will be able to smell it or sense it.” Dai says, and Shiki genuinely laughs deep in his chest. Tsubasa grins like a naughty child and he reaches up fir the packet of crisps that were at his side, that he soon realises were Dai’s favourite.

“Hey, what’s Rikka’s favourite crisp?” He asks, chucking the packet into the trolley. Dai answers by reaching up even further and handing Tsubasa the chilli flavoured crisps. Tsubasa chucks them in too. They follow Shiki through the shop, picking up some nice bread and some chicken. Dai picks up the ingredients for Sushi that he can make, and the Twins send a text saying to make octopus sausages after Shiki sent a message asking what they could take. Tsubasa cocks his head and ends up ringing them to ask what the hell it was.

_“It’s a boiled sausage with the ends cut up , so when they shrivel up, they look like Octopus. We took them on our picnic!”_

Tsubasa follows their instructions on which sausage to buy, and chucks that in too. Shiki appears with some more savoury things and more chocolate than was needed. Dai takes out his bits, the ingredients and agrees to pay for him himself, whilst Shiki pays for the savoury things. Whatever was left, Tsubasa was fine to pay for. They leave the shop with enough things to last them for a week, but tomorrow will be a good say, and even Shiki was excited.

“We can put all the crisps and the things that don’t need refrigerating in my room.” Dai says, and they both agree to that because they know that Dai won’t eat them in the middle of the night. Shiki drives back, and sets up the satnav to the beach that would require a decent drive through the scenery. Thankfully, Shiki was finally getting better at taking the right exit.

Finally.

The kitchen ends up being full of different smells. Dai is at the side with Tsubasa, the younger one cutting up all the various vegetables to put in the rice that Dai was currently rolling with salmon and cucumber inside. Tsubasa follows Dai’s instructions very carefully. Shiki is following Eichi’s text instructions on how to make the octopus, and the mother of QUELL seems impressed when he sends a photo back.

Tsubasa seems impressed too when he grabs one with a pair of chopsticks, and burns his tongue immediately. Dai was glad he had his phone on him to catch Tsubasa’s expression as hi mouth was burned on camera. Shiki scalds him quickly as they begin to pot up the various foods and start hiding them in the fridge.

Three hours later and Rikka ends up walking from the elevator to the dorm with his boots in his hands, unlocking the door quite skilfully. He’s glad to find all the members in the living room, and awake. Shiki’s got his earphone in, Dai leaning over his shoulder every now and then. Tsubasa’s sat on the floor, his earphones in too as he leans over various pieces of paper, mumbling things under his breath as he writes them down. Only Dai notices Rikka’s presence in the doorway. Rikka waves, chucking his shoes in the cupboard and hanging up his coat.

”How was your day Rikka?” Dai asks, and Shiki stands up, welcoming Rikka home as Dai twists round to start making some coffee.

“It was fun, actually. I don’t know how the pictures turned out, but I guess I’ll find out when the magazine is published.” He says, slightly down hearted, and Shiki finds himself frowning a little, placing a hand on Rikka’s shoulder as turns his frown into a smile for Rikka to see.

“I’m sure you looked wonderful.”

Shiki will never forget how Rikka’s blush spreads from his cheeks down his neck, probably over his shoulder too. He bows his head a little and giggles, his scarf slipping off his shoulder. It’s nice, how their group worked, slightly in love with one another all the time.

“What’s Tsubasa doing?” He asks as he takes the warm drink from Dai.

“He’s getting progressively more annoyed at his upcoming exam.” Dai replies, and at that exact moment, Tsubasa throws his pencil at the opposite sofa.

“And that doesn’t even make sense!” He shouts into the table. Tsubasa runs his fingers through his hair, pushing all the blond streaks back only for them to fall in front of his eyes again. He still doesn’t notice Rikka as he gets up, changing the song in his earphones and jumping up to retrieve his pencil. He sits back down, and starts to write something down, opening his book to quotes something that takes him longer to find then write.

“I think it’s his Japanese exam.” Shiki says, and Rikka walks over to sit beside Tsubasa, who it still oblivious to him being there. Until Rikka pulls out his earphone.

“What is the meaning of being Japanese?” Rikka reads out, and Tsubasa flinches out of his skin, a startled half scream escaping, making him drop his pencil again and choke on his own breath. Rikka giggles from next to him.

“Oh my god… How are you? How’d the shoot go?” Tsubasa asks now that he’s regained his posture, turned off his music and his focus is now on Rikka.

“It went alright, I haven’t seen the photo’s. Plus, my feet ache.” Tsubasa snorts as his reply.

“Did you see the size of the heels you were wearing?”

 

Tsubasa continues to study for his exam whilst the others sit around on the sofas, chatting quietly and watching some TV. Every now and then he’d lean back into Shiki’s legs, closing his eyes as he thinks about the answer he had to write down. Shiki would reach forward and run his fingers over Tsubasa's scalp, the boy almost purring in return.

“Can anyone answer this question? I’m still stuck on it.” Tsubasa asks, holding back the paper for Shiki to read. Shiki sighs and leans forward.

“I don’t think this is for us to answer. It’s a personal question. What make you proud to be Japanese?” Shiki replies, Tsubasa shaking his head.

“I don’t know my answer.”

“I’m sure you’ll find out tomorrow.” Shiki whispers to Tsubasa, who nods his head and smiles happily. Rikka stretches his arms up and yawns, his spine clicking.

“What are we having for dinner? Should I make something?” Rikka asks, starting to get up. He pauses when the three panic and all say no at the same time, causing Rikka to stare at them all, concerned that they either weren’t hungry or didn’t want him to cook.

“Shiki suggested we should have take-out… As a celebration that you’ve gone five or so photo-shoots non-stop this week.” Tsubasa says, and Rikka blushes some more, making Tsubasa slightly proud of himself. Rikka sits himself back down next to Shiki, who pulls up his phone to order through in an app.

“What would you like then Rikka?” He asks, and Rikka flinches a little, as he had been watching Tsubasa pack up all his school stuff, sliding loose pieces of paper into plastic folders. Dai hands his bag over the table.

“Me? No, you choose, I really don’t mind!” He says, shaking his head when Shiki insists.

”You’re a saint if you order chicken.” Tsubasa shouts as he makes his way to his bedroom to deposit his school stuff on his bed. Shiki looks up to Dai, who agrees that he wouldn’t mind chicken either.

Whilst Tsubasa’s in his bedroom, he finds some pyjamas and changes quickly, dragging his blanket behind him tiredly. His head was hurting from all the words he’d just read. Shiki had already finished ordering by the time Tsubasa gets back. Rikka silently opens his arms, and gets a lapful as the younger curls into him.

“You’ve been working so hard, Tsu, I’m proud.” It’s finally Tsubasa’s turn to blush, and he shakes his head.

“Says you, I bet you looked beautiful in all those photos.” He whispers, and feels his side vibrate with Rikka’s quiet chortle as he pulls the blanket over him. Shiki and Dai make themselves useful in the kitchen, getting plates ready and all that.

“Rikka, I heard your phone call the other day.” Tsubasa whispers, and closes his eyes to avoid looking at Rikka’s expression. The pink haired man is somewhat glad someonehad done though, because he’d been wanting to talk about it for a little while.

“To my father?” Rikka asks, and Tsubasa nods, apologizing quietly.

“It’s okay, I’m not mad. I guess if you heard, then you know what I said. My father wanted a girl, and so he raised me as one, hence why my name is Rikka and I can walk in heels. Eventually, I grew to enjoy modelling and having a strong feminine side, but didn’t enjoy how my father pushed me to do so. He wants me to go back to France as he believe Japan isn’t where I belong. Rikka replies to the man in his lap.

Tsubasa doesn’t understand at all, because Rikka was happy here in Japan. Happy because he was surrounded by people he loved. Tsubasa didn’t get the chance to say how he wanted Rikka to stay, because Dai got their before him.

“Don’t leave, Rikka. Just ignore him.” Dai says, bringing over a tray of drinks and some chopsticks, “You’re 27, and he is halfway across the world from you. Just ignore whatever shit he has to say.”

Rikka doesn’t know whether to smile or not.

“Plus, without you, we wouldn’t be SolidS.” Then Rikka, does smile. SolidS meant the literal world to him, it’s his life, work and his home. The members are much more than just friends, they’re his family. He stands on stage with them, and he rests in their arms. Tsubasa shuffles a bit so he can properly hug Rikka, who relaxes into the hugs, and thanks them all just for being there. Shiki grabs the door when the doorbell rings, and takes the food with a bow, and hands it to Dai. Tsubasa and Rikka are still pretty curled, Tsubasa talking lowly, and Rikka giggling sometimes.

“Wahhh, you got chicken!” Tsubasa yells, taking the plate from Dai with a smile on his face, passing it over to Rikka who kneels down next to the coffee table, where Dai perches next to him and Tsubasa opposite, Shiki being the last one to sit down.

“I saw Ryota and Mamoru today, they were having a shoot done too. Turns out, Ryota is really damn flexible. He had to put his leg on Mamoru’s shoulder, it was brilliant.” Rikka says through mouthfuls, and Shiki snorts.

“He is, he likes ice skating.”

“What else did you have to do?” Tsubasa asks, and Rikka hums in through, picking at a drumstick before dipping it in sauce.

“I had to wear these earring that were like, three inches long and hitting my neck and they would not stay still.” He says, and Dai laughs, leaning forward to glance at his ears.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French Translation -   
> Rikka, staying in Japan is not a good decision. I want you to come back here and model for France. My Son-


	6. Beach Beach Part 2/2

Shiki wakes up moments before his alarm goes off, giving him the perfect opportunity to turn it off before it blew up his ears. He turns it off, and starts to quietly get dressed, slipping on a pair of black jeans and a jumper that slightly hung off his body. Checking the hallway first, no one else's lights are on, and so Shiki heads to Tsubasa first, as that one didn't really wake up easily. Shiki gently shakes his shoulders, and Tsubasa wakes up almost instantly, groaning and rubbing at his eyes. 

"Is it that time already?" He whispers, and Shiki nods. He's happy to notice that Tsubasa had already set out some clothing for the day in advance. 

"Are you okay to wake Rikka?" Shiki whispers, and Tsubasa nods, moving himself to sit up and wake up properly. Tsubasa gets changes quite quickly, wearing the same jeans as Shiki with a normal white shirt and a check shirt wrapped and tied round his waist. He quickly darts into the bathroom behind Shiki and Dai, and brushes his tiptoes into Rikka's room. The pink haired boy is led on his side, facing the window, a little bit of low moonlight glimmering across his face. Tsubasa feels horrible as he sits on the edge of the bed, preparing to wake the singer up. He can hear Dai and Shiki leaving the front door, hopefully with all the food so that Rikka doesn't see it. 

Rikka whines sadly as he wakes, and looks up at Tsubasa with tired eyes. 

"We just need to go to the car, get changes and you can sleep in the car. I can take you blanket down." Tsubasa whispers, apologizing to the elder with a kiss to the forehead. Rikka takes his hand to stand up, and Tsubasa hands him some clothing. He almost forgets his scarf, but Tsubasa was there to put it around his neck loosely, and helped him into his coat. Rikka looks absolutely exhausted, and Shiki feels awful about it, but Dai whispers that he'll sleep in the car and miss all the scenery. 

Thankfully, the two had put all the food in the cooler bags and they were now in the car, alongside utensils for eating. Tsubasa carries the large blanket down to the car, and all three of them are glad that Rikka is too tired to ask where they were going. Tsubasa sits in the back with Rikka, and pretty much as soon as they hit the highway, they're both fast asleep again, Rikka resting mostly on Tsubasa. Dai leans into his seat and pulls out his book, thankful reading in the car didn't make him feel sick. 

 

Tsubasa wakes up when Dai leans over and taps his knee gently. There's soft music playing from the radio. 

"Do you need a drink?" Dai whispers, and Tsubasa nods his head, yawning a little. Dai leans forward and grabs a bottle of water, handing it back to Tsubasa who thanks him quietly. He sips on that until a good third of the bottle was gone. Looking over, Rikka is curled up against the door, blanket tucked around his body as he sleeps on. 

"We've got about an hour left." Shiki whispers, and Tsubasa nods and checks his phone. It's half eight now, and they'd get there at half nine. This was going to be a good day. 

 

"Rikka, wake up, we're almost there." Tsubasa says, reaching over to gently shakes Rikka awake. The older one yawns a little and finds himself looking out of the window at all the cars passing them. At first he's confused, then he realised they were on the way somewhere. 

"I thought we were free today?" He asks, and the group feel so bad instantly. Rikka doesn't move his gaze from outside the window. He must admit, despite all the cars, the scenery was beautiful.

"We can't really tell you Rikka." Shiki says, and Rikka looks at him, even more confused. 

"Why not?"

"Because it's a secret surprise!" Tsubasa says, and Rikka smiles. 

"I'm excited."

 

"You're not allowed to look, close your eyes!" Tsubasa yells and clamps his hands over Rikka's eyes. Rikka giggles and waits for Tsubasa to say he can walk forward. Shiki and Dai are laughing too, and Rikka can just about tell where they are in relation to him. He lets Tsubasa guide him down a set stairs that he almost falls down with a shriek that Shiki laughs at too. Rikka walks the rest of the way clinging to Tsubasa like he was going to fall again even though the floor was completely flat. But he couldn't tell that being blindfolded. 

"Okay! This is your present for being a hard-working model, and just an overall great person who deserves the world!" Tsubasa says, and takes his eyes away from Rikka's eyes, running towards the ocean himself. 

Rikka finds himself staring out at the morning sun that was just above the water, creating little sparkles across the water. The sand is a soft tan colour, and Rikka feels welling in his eyes. he turns to face Shiki and Dai, who are carrying cooler bags and a picnic blanket. 

"Rikka? Don't cry." Dai says, and puts the bag down to hug the older one, who tries to stop himself from crying, Tsubasa now running back. 

"I didn't know you'd heard me!" He laughs through his tears, and Shiki smiles. 

"We didn't want to tell you until we go here." He says, and Tsubasa slaps him on the shoulder. 

"Our leader here wanted to give you a good day out! Plus, he drove here!"

Rikka giggles and wipes away his tears, and thanks them again. The group walk down to a section of beach that wasn't too far from the waters edge, but far enough that they wouldn't get wet. None of them really ate breakfast, so the first thing they did, as per Tsubasa's request, was actually build a sandcastle. Dai goes on a little quest of his own to find some shells to put on it, and Shiki just moves the sand closer for Tsubasa and Rikka to mould into a rough castle shape that looked more like a sand mound than anything else. 

Rikka and Tsubasa's hands are completely covered with sand by the time their masterpiece is finished, and Rikka ends up getting it in his hair when he lays down for Dai to take a picture. 

The sun got really hot as the morning went on, and they all ended up sitting on their coats instead of wearing them, Rikka's scarf in the safety of the car. 

"So, what did you bring?" Rikka asks as he draws absentmindedly in the sand, watching as Dai flicks water all over Tsubasa, who returns that by almost pushing him over. Shiki's led back leaning on his elbows. 

"Dai made sushi, and I followed the twin' and Eichi's instructions on octopus sausages. There's bread and chocolate. Normal picnic stuff." Shiki replies, and smiles when Rikka lays down next to him, his hair going nowhere near the sand this time as it resting on his coat. Shiki looks peaceful, and Rikka can already tell there's going to be a song about it. 

"That sounds amazing. But why?" Rikka whispers, rolling onto this side to look at Shiki directly. 

"Because you've done five photo-shoots this weeks, and you've still been cooking for us each night, worrying about our days, and being the mother of out group when you didn't need to. Rikka, you're a wonderful person." Shiki whispers in reply, and Rikka blushes. 

"Thank you so much. I can't wait to eat!" He replies, and suddenly they both get jumped by Dai and Tsubasa. 

"Can we do a photo-shoot of our own? Dai wants to." Tsubasa says, leaning over Shiki with a mischievous look in his eye that is completely wiped off when Shiki darts up and pins the other to the sand, digging his fingers into the blonds sides and wiggling. Tsubasa gives a screeching laugh and tries to fight Shiki, in which he gets nowhere.

"I can't breathe!" He gasps out between laughs, and Shiki finally gives up his attack, letting Tsubasa go for the mean time.

"Did you bring you camera?" He asks Dai, Tsubasa panting as he regains his breath, and the other boy nods.

"I left it in the car. But I understand if you're done with shoots Rikka."

"As long as you let me see the pictures."

 

Rikka looks beautiful in every single picture that Dai took of him, even the ones that he wasn't expecting Dai to take. Eventually, Dai and him go off on a small walk whilst Tsubasa and Shiki set up the picnic now that the sun was roughly in the middle of the sky. Rikka gently slipped his hand into Dai's and whispers a thanks to him.  

"You should take you hair down." Dai says without thinking, and apologizing quickly afterward, but Rikka does so anyway, and Dai can't hide his shocked expression. Rikka smiles up at him, and Dai was to scared to get his camera on him. But a way off behind him, Shiki's there's with his phone. There's a warmth in Rikka's chest that he didn't feel with anyone else apart from SolidS.

"Dai! Rikka!" Tsubasa shouts, and waves his chopsticks in the air, signalling the picnic was ready to be eaten. Rikka races Dai back, the two of them finishing at the same time, still barrelling into the sand as they try and catch each other out. 

"Woah... Is this why I couldn't cook last night?" Rikka asks, whilst being handing some Sushi, and they all freeze, causing Rikka to giggle.

"Really?!" He asks, and Tsubasa nods. 

"I mean... it was a surprise." He replies. 

The sushi was amazing, and Dai blushed furiously when each of them complimented him on his masterpieces. Rikka was more than happy to cut the cheese's and pass them over to whoever wanted one, and Shiki didn't mind passing cutlery to them and passing over food. 

"Why do you work so hard?" Tsubasa asks, startling himself as he didn't expect to say that aloud himself, and quickly shoved the baguette into his mouth to avoid talking anymore. Shiki doesn't scald the younger, as a part of him really does want to know the reason behind. Rikka hums a little and taps his chopsticks against his cheek. 

"I suppose it's my fathers fault. He wanted a girl so badly, and so made me what he could. He practically moulded by future for me, constantly working for modelling agencies and weighing that with school." Rikka says, stabbing a piece of sushi. 

"Apart from that, I guess it's because I enjoy working, and I'm scared of failure." 

"Is that because of your father?" Shiki asks. 

"I think so. Unless I got top marks or good rating, I wasn't doing my best. What my best is, I don't know."

"Sounds like my parents." Tsubasa adds absentmindedly, and Dai passes him his drink. 

"Is this why you've been studying so hard?" he asks, and Tsubasa shrugs. He clearly doesn't want to answer, so they leave it at that, just quietly talking about random nonsense, and random news stories they'd witnessed during the week. Tsubasa makes Dai jump with the freezing water bottle, pressing into his shirt and causing Dai to swear aloud and arch away from the cold. 

At this moment in time, there's nowhere else Rikka would rather be


	7. Sick Mamoru

Mamoru feels sick beyond belief, but there was nothing we could do. He woke up at six ready to throw his guts up or die from the headache pounding behind his eyes and throwing out his vision. Once he’d mentally prepared himself, and sat up for about ten minutes, he quietly got up and rifles through every cupboard in the bathroom and kitchen to see if any paracetamol lay anywhere, but none seemed to appear however hard he looked. So after drinking some water, he sits on the sofa and waits for the others, watching the morning news but not paying a single ounce of attention as his focus was staying on trying not to be sick.

 The drive to their dance practise was awful, as each bump in the road rose bile in the back of his throat that he willed down. He didn’t engage in any conversation, feigning tiredness. No one seemed to notices anything was wrong, just that Mamoru was progressively getting worse at dancing. Kouki was the one noticing how Mamoru’s face would drop and he’s crunch up his eyes each and every time he did it wrong, even before someone yelled at him.

 “For Gods sake, Mamoru! It’s the right foot _then_ the left, not the other way around.” Ryouta shouts, and Mamoru barely hears it over the sound of white noise in his ears. He wants to apologise, but nothing come out, and just nods, and makes sure he does it right the next time, but doesn’t get any conformation that he’d done it right, so whether he had or not, was just going by the silence.

 “Let’s take a break.” Kouki calls out, and they spread out to various sides of the room to get a drink.

 Mamoru sits back against he mirror, feeling the cold of it seep through and into his skin, and tipping his head back to regain his breath, keeping his eyes open to make sure he didn’t pass out. His entire head felt like it was splitting open, and his body was exhausted. And having no medicine with him didn’t exactly help. He drops his head onto his knees, and will the bile in his throat to go down. Kouki crouches down in front of him.

 “Are you feeling alright?” Kouki asks.

Lie. Lie is all Mamoru’s mind is telling him.

 “I feel fine, let’s start up!” He says, and smiles.

 This time, he gets even more wrong, and feels closer to death than ever before.

 “I’m going to kill you Mamoru, you step forward then spin , why can’t you get this right?” Kensuke asks, and Mamoru just shrugs, a faint feeling of wanting to cry in the very back of his throat.

 The spinning really wasn’t helping as it just added onto his dizziness. They keep going, and Mamoru is really pushing it to the limits. If he did anymore, he was going too…

 “Mamoru! Come on!” Kouki yells this time, getting annoyed at their eldest member. It was almost like he wasn’t the eldest anyways. Kouki had watched Mamoru do the same mistake twice in the same three minutes, and was getting really pissed off.

 “If you can’t do this, then we have to change it entirely, and it’ll be your fault.” Ryouta says, and that’s the last straw.

 “I’m gonna faint.” Is all Mamoru can spit out.

 It doesn’t register in any of their minds until there and then, Mamoru’s body gives up, and his legs give out, and he just crumbles to the ground, completely unconscious as he faints. Kouki being the nearest person cries out, and darts to his side, and rolls Mamoru over. Kensuke kneels down and places a hand on his forehead, flinching away.

 “Fuck me, he’s burning hot!” He cries, and Ryouta’s running to his bag to grab his water bottle and towel, carefully drenching the towel in the water, and placing it on his forehead in a desperate attempt to cool him down. Kensuke slowly rearranged his legs, setting him down in a proper position. Ryouta gently pushes back Mampru’s hair, and also feels the heat radiating, cringing at the sweat that his hair was dampened by.

 “That’s why he’s been making mistakes.” Ryouta whispers, swearing at himself for being so stupid. Kouki gently takes of Mamoru’s jacket, and throws it somewhere behind him.

 “I had that last paracetamol. I forgot to mention it.” Kensuke mumbles and Kouki jumps up, running to grab his own bag and rifle through it. Thankfully, he pulls out the small box and practically screeches when he does.

 Another painful ten minutes later, Mamoru wakes up with a heartbreaking whine that’s barely even heard. Ryouta is the first person he sees, and he goes to open his mouth. Ryouta shakes his head, and reaches down to take Mamoru’s hand.

 “No, I’m sorry.” Ryouta whispers, helping Mamoru sit up and rest against Ryouta’s body as Kouki and Kensuke sit down too.

 Mamoru clenches his eyes shut as the bright lights burn his head, and he buries his face into Ryouta’s shoulder, blocking out what he could of the lights.

 “Can someone turn off the lights?” Ryouta asks, and then they are plunged into darkness. There’s a sob and Mamoru’s gently crying. Ryouta finds himself doing something he never imagined doing, gently rocking Mamoru who sobs with exhaustion, body slumping against Ryouta. Kouki slowly slips the paracetamol into Mamoru’s mouth and helps him swallow.

 “Do you want to go home?” Kouki whispers, and Mamoru nods.

 “Please…” He whines, and Kensuke moves his arms around Mamoru’s body, and takes him into his arms, picking him up. Mamoru feels something covering his eyes, and Kensuke whispers that it’s a towel as the lights were on outside. Kensuke carries Mamoru through the company, passing the café where Quell were sat, but Growth don’t notice them as Ryouta is running to grab the doors, and Kouki is carrying each of the bags.

 “Do you feel sick?” Kensuke whispers, and Mamoru clenches his fingers as tight as he can, which was very weak, around Kensuke’s shirt.

 “I wanna sleep, but it hurts.” He mumbles.

 “What hurts?” Kouki replies.

 “My head, and my body aches…”

 Then, Mamoru is gone again, legs and arms falling down, and Kouki starts to freak out. Kensuke shifts him a little so his head was properly resting on the youngers shoulder.

 “We need to get him back home quickly.”

 “You guys, take him back. I’ll go to the shop and get some tablets.” Ryouta says, helping them get Mamoru into the car, leaving his bag with them, before running the opposite direction towards the nearest shop that he can find.

 

 Kensuke follows Kouki upstairs, and lets him run ahead to set up the sofa, dragging a duvet through as Kensuke lays the boy down. They both draw the curtains and turn off all the lights in the room to make sure that when Mamoru woke up, he wouldn’t have to have his face covered with a bunch of towels.

 That peace doesn’t last long as Mamoru wakes up, and feels worse than ever before. Luckily, Kensuke had prepared in advance for the elder to be sick, and so was there ready with a large bowl when Mamoru was finally vomiting. Kouki appears from his bedroom and sprints over to help, pushing back Mamoru’s still sweat drecnedh hair, as if it was going to get in the way.

 Mamoru whines desperately, and leans back against Kouki with tears of pain and exhaustion rolling down his cheeks, but he still lurches forward for his stomach to empty itself a second time. It’s a searing pain in his throat and lower stomach, but finally his stomach was empty and all that was left where dry gags that drew blood in the end. Kouki helps him sit back, and lays him back down after getting him to drink some water.

 

 “I’m home.” Ryouta half whispers into the dorm, not wanting to wake anybody up but not wanting to scare anybody either if he just appeared. Kensuke’s head appears from the top of the sofa, and he smiles, slowly getting up. Ryouta guesses that both Mamoru and Kouki are asleep by his side. Ryouta places all the things he bought away, before turning to face Kensuke.

 “He’s been sick, but now he’s asleep.” Kensuke explains.

 “Asleep or unconscious?”

 “No, he fell asleep. He’s exhausted. We should’ve noticed when he started to make mistakes. Kouki’s really upset with himself.”

 “Of course he is, he’s the leader.” Ryouta mumbles.

 “And that’s why I’m angry.” Kouki says as he steps into the kitchen with them, ever so slowly opening cupboards to get a pot out. Kouki sighs heavily.

 “I’m a leader, I should be able to spot these things before they happen.”

 “I didn’t tell you.”

 They all whip round to see Mamoru standing there, heavily leaning on the edge of the sofa as his body adjusts to standing on its own. None of them can move, silently terrified that Mamoru was just going to drop.

”I didn’t tell you, and I was hiding it, so it’s my fault.” Mamoru whispers, and he pitches forward, and all three of them lunge for him, only Ryouta close enough to catch him. He’s still conscious, thankfully, as Ryouta guides him to sit the hell back down. Mamoru holds onto Ryouta’s shoulders as they sit down, Ryouta crouching in front of him.

 “Tell us next time, yeah?  God, you look awful.” Ryouta whispers, and Mamoru breathily laughs.

”I feel awful.”

 “Are you hungry?” Kouki asks, rubbing Mamoru’s back from behind the sofa. Mamoru nods, but shrugs at the same time.

 “I’ll only be sick again.” He replies, but Kouki runs his fingers through the elders hair.

 “I can make soup, it’ll settle in your stomach.” He whispers, and Mamoru nods okay, and Kouki returns to the kitchen.

 “We should get you changed,” Kensuke says, “you were too hot earlier on.”

 “He should take some tablets too, it’s been four hours already.” Ryouta replies, and catches the small box that is suddenly being thrown through the air.

 “Please don’t throw water at me.” Ryouta mumbles under his breath, as he passes the small pill to Mamoru, who manages to swallow without water, much to Kouki’s dismay, who couldn’t imagine taking a tablet without.

 

 

 The next day, Mamoru wakes up feeling exactly the same, even more exhausted then he’d ever felt his entire life, and stumbles his way to Kouki’s room, where he lets himself in, and climbs into the free side of Kouki’s bed, praying the younger doesn’t wake up, and keeps his distance, aware that he ought not to get Kouki of all people sick.

 Kouki wakes up about an hour later, and rolls over, and reaches out to feel for his phone, and ends up landing on a body. He forced his eyes open, and finds that Mamoru is led by his side, breathing heavily as he sleeps on. Kouki feels guilty immediately, and gently wakes the boy. Mamoru barely opens his eyes, but Kouki slowly brings him closer.

 “I’ll get you sick…” Mamoru whines tiredly.

 “I don’t mind.” Kouki replies, and lets Mamoru relax into his body warmth, and falls asleep once more, cuddled under the duvet. Thankfully, any feeling of nausea had gone, and Mamoru slept in peace for a little while, until Kouki had to wake up for his schedule that he was unable to cancel, but Kensuke would be home too.

 “You should go a hug with him.” Kouki whispers, but Mamoru shakes his head.

 “I’ve probably already passed this to you, I don’t want to pass it to him as well. And I daren’t to Ryouta before you suggest.”

 When Mamoru wakes for the fourth time, Ryouta is in Kouki’s bed with him, reading his book as he keeps an eye on the elder. Mamoru make some sort of noise, and rolls over as best he can, pressing his face into Ryouta’s thigh, and running his hand up his own shirt to keep them warm. Ryouta doesn’t say a word, just moves his hand to rest in Mamoru’s burgundy curls. Kensuke comes in at some point too, carrying a small bowl of reheated soup and some water for Mamoru, who they both help sit up and they both help him eat.

 And that’s how Kouki finds them when he comes home, wrapped around Mamoru from either side, and their arms keeping a blanket tucked around Mamoru, keeping him warm as they sleep on.


	8. Panicking

The first time Ren had a panic attack with Soara, it was terrifying. 

It's before their first concert rehearsal with Growth, Quell and SolidS. He'd have to play piano in front of all of them, and sing. In front... Of all of them... Each of them were preparing backstage, and soon enough, they were setting up their instruments on stage. It wasn't a matter of being quick, but just rehearsing the songs. Ren's hands 

were shaking the entire time, and he almost dropped the keyboard as he carried it onto stage, knowing for a fact that someone was watching him. Nozomu was setting up the microphones and Soushi was setting up his drums. Morihito had carried his and Sora’s guitars onto stage and placed them on their stands.

 It terrified Ren to the ends of the earth that he had to perform, and just the idea churned his stomach. But he wanted this so badly too. He grabs Soushi’s shirt and leans up on tiptoes to whisper in Souhsi’s ear.

 “I’m gonna use the bathroom.” He whispers and jogs off stage, leaving the rest of them behind as the panic kicked in. Mori watches out of the corner of his eye.

 It was a well known fact that Ren had anxiety, but how badly, no one would know.

 He stumbled to the staff bathroom and closed the door, collapsing next to the opposite wall. His heart was racing; beating so fast it hurt his chest. His chest heaved as his breaths got sparse. God the pain was so bad, fingers clenching at the material between skins. Those fingers were numb anyway, and his body felt like it was endlessly falling.

 

And eventually, his mind focuses on the fact that he was going to die. His breath hitches as that thought exploded in his head and that was all that was going round in there. He was going to die in this bathroom, before he’d reached his dream.

Die.

 

“Hey, does anyone know where Ren is?” Nozomu shouts across the stage, starting to clip his hair back, and the only one that answers him is Soushi, who shouts bathroom back.

"How long has he been?” Mori asks, and Soushi checks his watch with a slight frown.

“About ten minutes.” Soushi answers.

Give him five more, and then someone goes to get him.”

 

 Ren was going to die. His chest was in so much pain and he was going to faint or die. His eyesight was shot, completely wayward as he feels his chest become wet with tears that he can’t register are coming from his body. He’s distantly aware that he’s drooling into his hands. God, someone will come and get him and he’ll be forced to perform whilst panicking. He’d embarrass his entire group in front of Quell and SolidS and then he’d be forced to leave the group.

 

“Guys, we need to get Ren!” Sora yells, and the group turn to face each other.

“How long has it been?” Morihito asks, and Soushi checks his watch once more.

“Twenty.”

“I’ll go.” Says Nozomu, but Soushi stops him.

“We should all go, it’s not like we begin on stage anyways."

 

Ren is going to die, he’d just going to die like this, leave his entire band behind and die…

 

 A scream echoes around, and all of the groups flinch, the twins, respectively clinging to Shu. Rikka jumps up just as Kouki does too. They all turn to look at one another. It was blood curdling, and suddenly, Soushi shouts out.

 “REN!”

 Soushi sprints off of the stage, and darts between staff members to the bathroom, where he bursts in, thankful the door wasn’t locked or he would’ve gone crashing into it. Ren’s collapsed on the floor, chest heaving and his whole face and most of his skin was whiter than paper. His chest and chin were covered with drool and his tears are non-stop. Soushi sits in front of him, and gently takes his hands into him. Ren looks up like a startled animal, and suddenly starts to beg Soushi to hep him. It breaks Soushi’s heart, and then Mori’s next to him.

 “Calm down Ren, you’re going to pass out if you’re not careful, just breath. Like this.” Mori whispers, taking Ren’s hand and placing it on his chest, and breathing deeply to make a point. Ren can feel this, and forces his body to focus. Soushi slowly moves Ren towards him, and sits him on his lap, carefully wrapping Ren’s legs around his waist. Ren coughs against Soushi’s damp shoulder, and eventually his body goes limp.

 “Ren? Ren can you hear me?” Soushi asks, and gets a whimper in response. When the boy looks down, Ren is still awake, breathing deeply as he grips onto Mori’s shirt. Mori reaches up and takes his hand into his, smiling gently when they meet eyes.

 “I thought I was gonna die.” Ren whispers, his heart pounding still, and he finally started to regain his movement in his fingers, the colour starting to rise up his cheeks again.

 “You’re not going to die Ren, we’re here.” Mori whispers in return, and pets the boy’s hair as he calms down.

 “Mori, can you go and tell the others that we won’t perform.” Soushi asks, and Mori nods, getting up and leaving the pair to hug it out, going in search of the two other members and the rest of the group to let them know everything was okay, and that nobody was injured whatsoever.

 “I’m sorry.” Ren sobs and Soushi shushes him quietly, and begins to rock their bodies.

 “Why didn’t you tell us you had panic attacks?” He asks, and Ren shivers.

 “I thought everyone would I leave… And I don’t want to leave…”

 “You don’t have to leave.”

 Both boys look up to find Shu beginning to crouch down. His blue eyes are comforting, and Ren tries to crack a smile.

 “Are you feeling alright? The leader of Quell asks, and Ren just about nods. Shu smiles and he passes over a towel that he’d bought.

"Rikka’s worried about you, he jumped up as soon as we heard you.”

 “Oh… I didn’t mean to worry anyone, I’m sorry.” Ren apologises, but Shu shakes his head.

 "You don’t need to apologise.”

 

 That evening, Ren sits in his bedroom alone, playing music through his earphones, whilst writing down some calming techniques. Nozomu is sat by the windows, leaning against them as he stares out, not paying attention to a single person that walked by him as Mori and Soushi got more worried about him. Sora sits on the sofa, watching Mori as he slowly sets up the table, Soushi passing him plates when he wasn’t stirring something.

 Quietly, Nozomu gets up, and heads down the hallway, sorting his hairclip out before he knocks on Ren’s door. He waits for conformation that he can step inside, before slipping through a small gap. Ren’s sat on his bed, and he takes off his headphones when he realises that it’s Nozomu, who rarely stepped into his room.

 “Are you… Are you feeling better?” Nozomu asks, not taking his eyes off the floor with a hint of fear in his voice that he was pushing at the limits of questioning.

 “A lot better, thank you Nozomu.” Ren replies.

 “I.... Uh.. Breathing. Breathe in for five, hold for five, breath out for five. It’s what I was taught… by my brother.” Nozomu mutters, aware that this could possibly be a touchy subject.

 Ren is taken aback, watching as Nozomu’s hand fumble with the very bottom of his jumper. He’s never heard Nozomu give advice like that before.

 “Thank you Nozomu. I’ll keep that in mind.”

 “And there’s an app… I’ll text you the name later on. It’s like a small glass of water filling up… I’m sorry Ren, I’ll go.”

 And before Ren can thank him again, Nozomu has turned out of the room, and left running down the hall. Ren sits there for a moment or two, astonished at how Nozomu knew all this. Like he said, his brother had taught him.

 “Ren! Nozomu! Dinner’s ready!”

 Ren darts out of him room at the mention of food, and immediately collides with Sora, sending them both onto the floor with a thud. Ren shakes off his pain quite quickly, absolutely terrified that he’d hurt Sora. Instead, Sora’s on the other side of the hallway, laughing his head off. That sets Ren off, and the both sit there laughing until they can’t breathe.

 Mori sits himself next to Ren as they begin to thank Soushi for the fantastic looking food. Halfway through, Ren speaks up.

 “I’m so sorry, about earlier. I didn’t mean to make everybody worry so much. I just worked myself up worrying about performing. I hope I didn’t ruin it.” Ren speaks quietly, even worried just apologising.

 “You don’t need to apologise Ren. I just wish you’d told us you had… attacks like that.” Sora replies and Nozomu nods.

 "My brother used to have them… But he would tear his body apart. He kept his nails long, and so he would dig them into every body part he could reach, and drag, splitting his skin apart. When Mori carried you out, I couldn’t look at you, because I was terrified you’d ripped yourself apart.” Nozomu whispers, and Ren looks up, horrified.

 “I’m too scared to hurt myself like that. Pain scares me.”

 “Good.” Nozomu breathily speaks, shovelling food into his mouth to account for his silence.

 “Next time, don’t suffer alone. Tell anyone, including Growth, Quell or SolidS. Rikka seemed to know what to do, and so did Tsubasa.” Morihito says, and Ren feels his heart warm.

 “I’ll tell you, I promise.”

 

 

 The next rehearsal goes great. It’s the first time Quell and SolidS have heard them sing, Mitazuki Fantasy. Ren sings confidently, and can see that all the other members are smiling proudly up at them. Sora messes up on the lyrics, and from Ren is standing, can see that he was going to forget his next verse. Quicker than ever, Ren takes his left hand off his keyboard, grabbing his notebook, and flinging it across the stage, were Nozomu catches it, and chucks it to Sora, who stops guitaring for a second to open the book, landing on the bookmarked page where the lyrics sat.

 Ren smiles when he hears Sora sing it, having thankfully remembered the lyrics now he had a quick prompt. Shu steps up onto stage, and Sora prepares himself for a right bashing.

 “When you’re on stage, through the earpieces, your song will play. You won’t manage to forget lyrics, but Ren.”

 Ren freezes, panic filling his body faster than ever before.

 “Ren, that was amazing and professional too.”

 

 


	9. Tsubasa's Exam

Tsubasa had studied non-stop for three weeks whenever he had the time, and half of that time, one or three of the others found him passed out over his work at his desk or the coffee table in the living room. Even when they were playing games, he'd be studying, reading through the various different papers and writing down enough notes to make a novel, whilst trying to pay attention to how was winning, and who he'd have to pay his share of the bet to later. It broke SolidS' heart to see him like this, constantly working, barely eating or sleeping. He didn't let it affect his work life though, and continues to go to all the interviews and shoot without problems, just fell asleep practically straight afterwards. 

He usually found himself waking up covered by a blanket from the sofa behind him, and always had someone's hand in his hair just after he awoke. 

Tonight was the night right before his exam, and he was pacing through the living room, for once not annoying his members as he frets. He's already bitten off most of the skin off of his lips and four fingers of his left hand. Dai was worried about him, watching as he read over his notes once more. 

"What if I get this wrong? And I fail the exam?" He says, and Rikka turns to him, taking his hands out of the oven to do so, flinging the oven mitts somewhere on the counter. 

"You won't, Tsubasa. You've been studying like the world was going to end." Rikka replies, as he passes a drink to Tsubasa and gets him to finally to sit down. Shiki moves his hand away from his book to rub the very back of Tsubasa's neck, and the younger closes his eyes. 

"Just calm down. Call us afterwards if you want." Dai says, and Tsubasa forces a smile, just as Rikka began to hand out the plates. Dai and Rikka move the two stools closer, and they eat around the island counter. Rikka flushes up at the compliments of his food, and passes the sat in Shiki's direction, who was currently throwing his book to the sofa, and it misses. 

And Tsubasa did exactly that. 

The exam was two hours long, and once he'd taken it and left the building, his hands were shaking and chest hurting so badly that he ended up calling Shiki in tears and desperation, begging him to come and get him. Shiki told him to calm down, and sit near the trees that were near the gate, and that they'd be there in just ten minutes. Tsubasa stayed exactly where he was told to until he spotted Rikka's pink hair and long brown coat in the wind as the elder looked around for him. Tsubasa sprinted towards Rikka, slowing down enough as to not knock the elder over as he embraces him, crying heavily into his scarf that smelt like chocolate. Rikka had gotten out before Shiki had even parked properly, and so the leader and Dai were just catching up. 

It had been a long time since the last panic attack. 

He couldn't breath, it was too painful, and Rikka could feel that, and so Dai and Shiki, who both had their hands on Tsubasa's chest as he could barely stand up. He sobbed harshly as he was so damn sure he'd screwed up and now he could literally visualise all the wrong answers he'd given. 

"Tsubasa, calm down love. You're okay, you're okay. It's over now." 

It takes a while, but once he was calm, the group remained at his side, walking him to the car, deciding what to do after that. Dai sat in the back with him, letting Tsubasa rest against him as he wiped away any stray tears. He was glad he hadn't seen any of his friends, and that they hadn't seen him in that emotional wreck. 

"Let's go and get ice cream." Dai says, and Tsubasa looks up at the younger member, smiling weakly. 

"Can we?" He asks, and Shiki and Rikka agree to that, and promise to take the right exit this time. And they found Tsubasa's favourite ice cream, white chocolate along the river together, where a good half of Dai's ice cream fell in the water and he whined until they got him another one. 

 

 

"Hey, Tsubasa, I think this is your results." Dai says a week later, chucking the envelope to Tsubasa, who catches it in his arms over his chest. Unfortunately, Shiki and Rikka weren't watching him, and hadn't heard Dai either. He rips it open, reading through it all and...

 

 

He'd failed. 

The whole of Tsubasa's body went numb, his ears full of white noise as he looks at the words. He'd managed 45%. How bad is that? God, his parents would kill him. They'd enrolled him in that graduate school and he'd promised he'd worked hard. They hated him failing. And now, he'd failed one of the biggest exams of the year. Plus, he'd promised Shiki that he would be able to do it, and that he would balance work and studying. 

Tsubasa drops the papers and sprints, turning on his heel and darting down the hall, running into his bedroom. He doesn't hear Dai shouting after him, or the fact that he'd slammed his bedroom door shut. All he hears is the fact that he'd failing. He climbs into bed, pulling the duvet high over his head, and curls up, and finally, the tears fall. His hands grip at his hair, and he begs himself not scream. He doesn't sob either, and eventually cries himself to sleep. 

"Tsubasa? Tsubasa?!" Dai shouts, and just watches as Tsubasa disappears into his bedroom. By then, Rikka and Shiki had jumped up, dropping what they were doing. Shiki kneels down to gather the paper that Tsubasa had dropped and quickly glances through them. 

"Shit..." He says, and hands the paper to Rikka, who gasps and covers his mouth. Dai continues to stare down the hallway, slowly turning to face the other two who look almost devastated. 

"He failed?" Rikka whispers. 

Dai flinches, and reads the words upside down. He gasps too, and now understands why Tsubasa left in such a state. He turns to face the hallway once more, and can only imagine what was going through the boys mind. Rikka hands the papers back to Shiki, and sits down on the counter. 

"He worked so hard... What do we do?" He asks, feeling truly lost for the first time in his life. 

Tsubasa had broken down after he came out of the hall, before he even knew how he'd done in the exam, and now, he'd failed. And he wasn't even crying, or at least, they couldn't hear him crying. After ten minutes of silence, Rikka gets off the counter, and slowly makes his way down the hallway, gently tapping on Tsubasa's door, and letting himself in. 

His room is in darkness, and just by the shape on the bed, Rikka can tell he’s hidden all the way underneath. Rikka doesn’t really want to disturb him, but he would be better off with someone else, and not alone. Rikka ever so gently takes the duvet away from Tsubasa’s body and finds the broken boy. His closes eyes are rimmed red, dried tear streaks down his face, and the sheets by his face were still drying out. His hands were curled in his hair, and Rikka winces at the sight.

Rikka holds his breath as he moves his hands through Tsubasa’s hair, and feels tears well in his own eyes. Tsubasa was broken, and didn’t deserve this…. The older boy lays himself behind Tsubasa, and feels the singe move a little.

 “Rikka?”

 Tsubasa’s voice is just as broken, hoarse and strained. Rikka waits until he rolls over, and Rikka feels his own tears falling as Tsubasa buries his face into Rikka’s chest.

 “Tsubasa, I love you so much. And so does Dai and Shiki. We love you so much and no one cares if you’ve failed. We still love you, no matter what.” Rikka whispers, his tears soaking into Tsubasa’s hair.

 “I love you so much baby boy.” Rikka whispers, and Tsubasa whines, and cuddles impossibly closer. That marks the second time Rikka had ever called Tsubasa that. The first time was when he first came to Rikka after a certainly draining day, and he asked Rikka just to hold his wrists to stop him from cutting. Shiki had come in soon after that, and Tsubasa was asleep, Rikka still holding his wrists when the leader found them.

 Dai and Shiki don’t hear another sound from Tsubasa’s bedroom, and eventually go to investigate themselves. Rikka is curled up with Tsubasa, the blond holding Rikka tight. Their legs are tangled together, and their bodies are incredibly close. Dai and Shiki both shrug, and climb into Tsubasa’s bed too. Shiki helps Dai climb over him, and the blue haired man finds himself settled on the leaders chest, something that wasn’t often, but still something Dai quite enjoyed. Shiki’s face turned to the left to bury his face into Tsubasa’s back. They sleep together, all of them relaxed into one another.

 Tsubasa unfortunately wakes first, and feels a weird warmth around him. He looks over his shoulder to find Dai and Shiki against one another, and Rikka is in front of him. He sighs, and finds himself talking despite how he suspects no one else is awake.

 “My parents raised me to never fail. I got top marks but no friends. My only real friends were imaginary. When I came here, I felt I could finally be myself and show that childish side of myself. My parents are going to kill me when they find out I failed, I don’t think I can even retake it.” He whispers.

 “Tsubasa, you are your own person remember.” Dai whispers, and apologises when Tsubasa flinches, but relishes in the feeling of Dai’s hand on his lower back.

 “You don’t have to follow like a sheep.” Rikka whispers, and suddenly Tsubasa feels more at home than he ever had done before.

 “Let’s go and get ice cream tomorrow.” Dai announces, and Shiki giggles against his chest.

 “Can we go to the park too?” Tsubasa whispers, and Rikka chuckles.

 “Of course.”


	10. Rikka's Crushes

Rikka's life was getting harder and harder, and it gets worse as time goes by, and Rikka finds himself physically unable to stay in a room with all three of his members at the same time. He feigns having something to do for his parents. Evenings became a sparse affair, and most of the time Rikka's hidden in the room reading or trying to sleep. He struggled with all of their schedules, and hopes to Christ one of them is out for the night when dinner comes around. He still cooks, as it takes his mind off all of it, and is thankful when on one joins him in the kitchen. 

It's hard enough having a crush on Shiki

Let alone Shiki and Tsubasa. 

And Dai. 

Only Rikka would fall in love with three separate people.

_And Dai and Tsubasa were already dating!_

He'd written down reasons for each of them one night, when he was feeling alone and all. 

Shiki because of his words. He has such a fantastic way with words and whatever thing you want in a song he could put it in. His lyrics made sense and made them feel like they were his own words. Shiki had the best hugs too, being tall and all. He always smelt nice and was always there for him. 

Tsubasa was just funny. He was so hard-working, and yet to laid back too. He didn't acre about personal space, and just wanted to be with everyone and sleep. 

Dai's quiet, giving Rikka all the time in the be by his side and just sit, listening as he spoke nonsense as Rikka fell asleep. 

It was the days out. That day at the beach, Rikka fell in love with Dai, watching as the unleashed photographer in Dai finally showed itself as he let Rikka model for him. And Shiki's phone lockscreen was now the three of them, Tsubasa and Dai with Rikka in the middle, smiling like nothing was wrong with the world. 

It gets worse after their most recent commercial. It was supposed to have a homely feel to it, and they were supposed to look like they didn't have a camera pointed at them. Throughout it, Rikka felt sick, half preparing to run out of the studio to lock himself in a bathroom and wait it out. It was worse than any evening ever. It was just the fact that he had to face them, and fake everything. Shiki must've noticed, because he goes to ask if Rikka was alright. Rikka flinches, apologises immediately, and sprints out of the studio, his coat billowing behind him and the door slamming shut.

Tsubasa goes to run after him, but Dai stops him, holding his arms as they just watch Shiki turn around and shrug. They were all worried, because Rikka wasn't a distant person whatsoever, apart from the last month where they hadn't seen him for longer than ten minutes. 

Rikka ends up walking home, and he finds himself locked in his bedroom once more like every other day of the week. He holds his head in his hands as tears fall down his cheeks. His chest hurts like hell. When he hears the others get home, having cancelling the shoot, he clamps a hand over his mouth to hide the soft sobs falling from his lips, and curls up further into his duvet. His heart hurt, plus his stomach was churning with the fear that someone would realise his situation and grill him about it, ask him questions, call him weird. 

Come on, he was already weird! A boy named Rikka, with long pink hair and modelled for a living. Yep, he doubted it would get weirder than that. 

Rikka suddenly understands Tsubasa now, when the younger had his bad days. He wanted to disappear, and... and-

"Rikka? Are you in there?" 

It's Shiki, bless him. And Rikka goes to answer, but all that comes out is a sob. And Shiki god-damn hears it. His own heart breaks and he tries to go in, but the door is locked. That worried Shiki even more than it probably should. 

"Rikka, can you let me in, please?" He asks, leaning his forehead on the door. 

Rikka really wants Shiki with him, but then he'd have to explain. With the fear in his stomach growing, there's bile rising in his throat, and he's glad to have his bin somewhat close to his bed. Shiki flinches when he hears Rikka being sick, and turns to Tsubasa, who must've heard it as well, as he barrels down the hallway, and skids to a halt beside Shiki. 

"Please, Rikka!" Tsubasa begs, and it's about a minute until they hear the door unlocking, and footsteps leading away from the door. Shiki slips in, and sits by Rikka's side, taking a hair band off the beside and ever so gently putting Rikka's hair up, sweeping it back as Rikka's stomach empties itself for the second time. 

Rikka gasp, and falls into sobs as he leans over the bin. Tears collect at the bottom of his chin, and drip off, landing on his knees. Shiki leans around to and puts the bin on the floor, and slowly moves Rikka around, but gets pushed away. Shiki doesn't know what's wrong, but eventually, Rikka collapses again his chest, gripping his shirt in trembling fingers. It's the worst state he'd ever seen Rikka in. 

"Rikka, it's alright." 

"It's not!" Rikka shouts through his tears, and Shiki flinches slightly, forgetting that a shouting Rikka was a lot worse, "It's not..."

Shiki holds Rikka tight, letting him sob and try and hit him away. Shiki knows that Rikka has put a couple of bruises on him, but he doesn't care, as Rikka was still sobbing and was going to hurt himself more than anyone else. 

"Rikka, you're going to hurt yourself, please calm down." 

It's a new voice, and Rikka finds Dai's hand on his chest, rubbing the skin from over his shirt, and Tsubasa is there too, having emptied and cleaned out the bin. Eventually, Rikka's body goes limp, scaring the life out of Tsubasa and Dai. Shiki, however, was prepared for that, and has to lay back to accompany Rikka's body against his. Tsubasa is on one side with Dai on the other, and Rikka in the middle led on Shiki's chest. 

I'm sorry, is all that Rikka wants to say, but the words won't leave his mouth. He wants to beg them to stay forever, and tell them how much he loved him, but it's weird. Weird and no one would accept him. Rikka feels a hand gently taking out his ponytail, and running fingers through the strands to prevent him from working himself back up, and it seems to work. It's Tsubasa. 

"Whatever is going on in there, I promise we'll fix it." Tsubasa whispers, and Rikka sniffles, gently shaking his head. 

"You can't..." Rikka whispers and it breaks Dai's heart to hear him being actually negative. 

"We can't fix it?"

"Because you and Tsubasa are already together, and no one dates three people at once, do they?" Rikka sobs, pulling his hands up to his chest like a small cat. 

"Rikka, do you like us? All three of us?" Tsubasa asks, and Rikka nods, burying himself as far as he can into Shiki's body without hurting him, and cries. Cries for all that he can't say through fear. Cries for the fact he just told them and wanted to take it back, call it a joke or something. Dai leans over, and kisses the back of Rikka's neck, and Tsubasa does the same, placing most of his kiss into Rikka's necklace. Shiki just presses multiple kisses into what he can reach of Rikka's hair, and the boy keeps sobbing until he falls asleep .

"I'm perfectly fine with dating all of you." Tsubasa whispers, breaking the silence as Dai agrees with him, having already had this conversation with Tsubasa once before. 

"So am I. I always have been since I met you." Shiki whispers back, and the three of them hold Rikka close. 

 

When Rikka wakes, he's alone again. Or so he thinks until he goes to roll over and can't. Behind him lays Tsubasa who cuddled right up to him. Rikka ever so slowly rolls over, and hugs Tsubasa from the front, holding the younger just like he did when his exam results came through. Rikka holds Tsubasa tight, and swears to god if anything were to happen to him he would-

His phone cuts through the silence with a loud ring tone, startling both of them as Rikka grabbed blindly to answer it. Tsubasa watches as Rikka talks into the phone, half aware of what he was saying. 

"Where are you going?" Tsubasa asks as Rikka gets changed, slipping into something comfy yet functional to go out in. 

"I have an unforeseen photo-shoot, I'll be back later." Rikka promises, but Tsubasa grabs his hand before he can leave, rubbing a thumb over his knuckles. 

"Go and tell Shiki and Dai, they'd be worried if you didn't." 

Rikka enters the kitchen, and Shiki and Dai are sitting there, and he smiles weakly up at them, opening his mouth before they can ask questions. 

"I've got to go. A photo-shoot." He says, waving his phone up. He doesn't see their expressions as he gets his shoes on, but he hears Shiki get up, and stands up straight to face him, trying to hide his uncertainty. 

"If you feel sick, come home." Is all he says before retreating, and Rikka nods, raising his voice to shout a goodbye, listening out for Tsubasa who yells back. 

 

The photoshoot leads way into midnight, and Rikka texts the members to tell them to go to bed before he got home, and not to wait up for him, sending a picture of the staff setting up some more lights. Tsubasa sends a picture of Dai half falling off the sofa, and Shiki covering his mouth as he tries not to laugh. Rikka's heart warms. 

When he does get home through, there's no lights on, and only one person remains in the living room. 

Shiki. 

Rikka slips out of his coat and toes off his shoes, leaving them in the doorway for now. Shiki holds out his hands for Rikka to take, and Rikka does, but Shiki doesn't take them anywhere. No words were spoken between them, but Shiki pulls out a box from his jacket pocket, and slowly opens it, and without a single word, he slips the simple silver and titanium ring onto Rikka's forefinger of his left hand. 

"I wanted to give this to you guys as a significance for our band, but now it's got another reason. You're my boyfriend, and Dai's and Tsubasa's. I'll give them their rings tomorrow." Shiki whispers, and Rikka leans into his embrace feeling at home once again. 

"And where's yours?" Rikka whispers, hands shaking as he cups Shiki's face, Shiki closing his eyes slowly. 

"Here," Shiki mumbles, "I always carried it in my bag."

Rikka takes the box from his fingers, and flicks it open with one hand, and takes Shiki's. He slips the identically ring onto the same finger as Rikka, then bravely looks up. 

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Rikka whispers hesitantly, aware that both his hands are shaking alongside his voice. 

"Of course." 

And the two boys, now lovers, stand in the middle of the kitchen, arms around one another, and chests together. 

 

The next day, Tsubasa and Dai are silently surprised to find Shiki and Rikka sitting on the counter and talking quietly. Rikka's hands are curled around a coffee mug, and he smiles when he noticed the two entering. Dai gives a smile back. 

"Are you feeling better?" He asks, and Rikka nods, before he turns to Shiki in an excited fashion. 

"Where are the things?" He asks, and Shiki points to the table, where two small boxes are sat. 

"You give one to Tsubasa, I'll give the other so Dai." Shiki says, and the two in question freeze. 

Rikka chucks one box to Shiki who barely catches it in his arms, causing Dai to snigger and put down his drink as he'd confronted by his leader. 

"You go first." Shiki says to Rikka, who nods, and grabs Tsubasa's hand, and flicks open the box. 

"Uh... I don't really know what to say so, will you be boyfriend? And Shiki's and Dai's." Rikka asks, voice slightly wavering as the whole speech he'd though about all morning leaves his head like the wind had taken it. It then dawns on Dai that Shiki was about to say the same, and he starts to shake himself, causing Shiki to glance up at him worriedly. 

Tsubasa was crying however. Nothing comes to mind to say yes, so he nods quickly, and watches with bleary eyes as Rikka slowly slips the ring onto his fingers, and Tsubasa finds that he's wearing an identical. Rikka giggles and Tsubasa wipes his eyes with his palms, giving a very watery laugh as he hugs Rikka gently, and then they both turn to face Shiki and Dai. 

"Oh shit... I forgot what I was going to say." Shiki whispers, unlike Shiki to say, too busy worrying as to why Dai was shaking. 

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Shiki manages. 

"As long as I can be Rikka's and Tsubasa's." Dai whispers, and Shiki laughs. 

"Of course," Shiki replies, putting the ring on Dai's still shaking hands, "I wouldn't have it any other way." 

Then the two of them get jumped on by Rikka and Tsubasa, who both encase the two of them in a strained hug, whilst Shiki reaches through the circle to wipe Tsubasa's tears with his thumb. Dai makes the first move, and reached over to take the back of Shiki's head, and drags him forward. Before Shiki can protest, he's being Kissed by Dai. 

Rikka and Tsubasa both smile with their whole hearts exposed. When Shiki pulls away, he doesn't even take a breather before doing the same to Rikka, who falls forward due to surprise. 

It was Rikka who had started this whole thing. Rikka who had changed their worlds forever, just by hiding himself away. 

Rikka, who was more in love than you could ever believe. 

 


	11. Kouki's Birthday

“Kouki, what are you doing tomorrow?” Kensuke asks, tapping through his phone looking for something requested by Mamoru, whilst Ryouta lets his guard down and begins to nod off with his head in Kensuke’s lap, which was rare. It’s been a long time coming, but Ryouta was just getting used to being around them, and feeling comfortable around them. Mamoru wasn’t in the room, but down the hall with his headphones on and pen in hand. Kouki was spread out on the opposite sofa, amused at how Ryouta’s eyes were closing for longer and longer.

“I’ve got a full day. Two photo-shoots and a solo recording. I won’t be home until late.” Kouki replies, hauling himself up before dragging the blanket from the side of the sofa, and gently tucking it around the finally sleeping Ryouta, Kensuke moving his arms to help Kouki do so, before watching as the leader flops back around on the sofa, blond hair bouncing in front of his eyes.

“Well, we’ll be here when you get back.” Kensuke says, mentally celebrating that the leader wouldn’t be in, as the day after tomorrow, was the leaders birthday. This gave them the whole day to bake a fantastic cake. It had been Mamoru’s idea, to make some sort of marble cake, and get SOARA to hide it until the next day. Of course, Morihito agreed to that, and told them just to come over, and they would keep the cake there.

 

In the morning, Mamoru is already awake with Ryouta before they see Kouki and Kensuke. Both of them are sat on the balcony, two steaming cups in hand as they watch the sun rise. Ryouta had his feet across the gap and resting in Mamoru’s lap. Ryouta leans back into his chair, and Mamoru secretly takes a picture of him, making Kouki smiles and shake his head. Ryouta had been slowly getting a lot closer to Mamoru, beginning to dislike him even less everyday. He didn’t really dislike him from the start, he was just confused as to why Mamoru was always so happy. Unfortunately, Kouki can’t join them, but says goodbye anyways, waving as he steps out of the front door, and makes his way to his first photo-shoot. After counting a good minute after their leading leaving, Mamoru and Ryouta dart into the hallway and go to wake Kensuke, who was already awake and brushing his teeth.

”We don’t have cocoa powder.” Mamoru announces as he checks the recipe and filling the island counter with all the necessary ingredients before they begin to cook. Ryouta and Kensuke both groan, Mamoru shaking his head.

“I guess we can’t make a marble one.” Mamoru whispers, but Ryouta jumps up, idea coming to his head.

“Will hot chocolate powder work the same?” He asks Kensuke, who thinks for a moment before shrugging.

“It’ll taste a little different, but it will work.”

“We don’t have that either.” Mamoru says, opening the cupboard where they kept all the tea and drinks that didn’t need refrigerating.

“We do!” Ryouta shouts as he runs towards his bedroom. They head a few things falling to the floor from his room, before Ryouta reappears in the kitchen doorway holding a tub of hot chocolate he’d bought that time they visited Germany.

“And how come you have that?” Mamoru asks, turning to read the recipe and start sieving out the flower into the glass bowl, getting reminded to half it so they can make two layers without having to cut the cake in half later and absolutely destroy it.

“I keep it hidden so no one drinks it.” He answer, passing it to Kensuke.

“Shit, Ryouta we can’t use it.” Kensuke announces.

“Why not?”

“We’d end up using it all, and it’s a special one.” Kensuke says, having measured how much was inside the tub, and it was just enough to make the two cakes. Ryouta takes it from him, and puts it with the rest of the ingredients.

“Just do it, it’s for Kouki.”

 

“I got sugar in my eye!” Mamoru shouts as he drops the wooden spoon, splattering his front with cake batter as he rushes to the sing, as the sugar is properly in his eye. Kensuke leans over and cups his hand, collecting the water and helping Mamoru get the most of it out of his eyes.

After about an hour, they were all covered in flour from a flour fight, and batter, but there were four jugs of batter now, two chocolate, and two madeira flavour.

“Right, Ryouta, you pour this one, I’ll pour this one, and we have to marble it.” Kensuke explains, and they do it perfect the first time. The second time is more of a mess of both then a marble but it still goes in the open. Then they face the messy kitchen. There was flour on every surface and Kensuke had a hand print on his ass.

“Right, we should was up, it’ll be quicker. Ryouta, you’re on the counters.” Mamoru says.

“Ai!” Ryouta smirks, crouching down to open the cupboard, retrieving the dishcloth and the spray cleaner. As Kensuke was filling the sink, Ryouta throws the cloth into the sink, letting it soak up as he sprays down what he can reach of the free counters, Mamoru putting away the ingredients that were left over and sorting out the rubbish. He grabs a spoon before Kensuke can begin washing it, and licks what he can of the leftover batter, passing it to Ryouta who gladly takes a lick before glaring at Mamoru.

“You couldn’t have saved the chocolate one.” He mutters and Mamrou spins round to find that Kensuke had already submerged the chocolate spoon into the water, and whines, draping himself over Kensuke’s, causing Kensuke to try and shake him off, and splashing himself with water.

It takes them about half an hour to clean the kitchen, and just as they’re finishing up, the cooker decides to beep and alert them that the cakes were ready. Kensuke takes them out, and Ryouta and Mamoru both gasp in awe at the sight of the actually good looking cake, which was surprising, considering it wasn’t Kouki’s cooking. Ryouta and Kensuke share high five. Ryouta starts on making a butter-cream icing to fill it with and cover it with, dyeing it different colours to make a scene. They do a simple pastel blue and pure white decoration, with the small pink and dark blue flowers that Mamoru had bough the day before an hidden in the cupboard. Once they slide it onto a plate and put the cover over it, they take it down to Soara.

“Whoa, that looks amazing!” Ren says, holding the door for them to walk through, and Morihito appearing to help Sora empty out a shelf in the cupboard.

“Wow, that does look amazing.” Mori says, and Mamoru blushes.

 

The next day, Kouki is woken up by a loud scream that startles him into an awake state. It doesn’t register whose scream it was, so he just bolts into the living room, where he’s confronted with a scene. Mamoru and Kensuke are wearing cute tiny party hats that were probably for hamsters that they’d glued onto cat ear headbands. Ryouta clearly refused to wear one. Above the kitchen, hanging from the rafter above the doorway, hands a banner, reading ‘Happy Birthday!’. When he reads that, it registers what day it was, and what the hell just happened

“I’m twenty.” Is all Kouki can say, uncertain that’s what today is even for, but he smiles when Ryouta steps forward, furiously blushing as he holds out a blue-ish bag for Kouki to take.

“It’s from all of us,” He explains,” and there’s more from each of us induvidually, but that’s for now.”

Kouki takes it, but doesn’t open it immediately. Instead, he grabs Mamoru, and Kensuke whist Ryouta steps towards the hug without having to be pulled. They stay that way for a while, before Kesnuke speaks, clearing his throat beforehand.

“Are you going to open your present?”

They sit down on the balcony, as the morning was nice enough to do so, each of them in their pyjamas. Mamoru sits against the glass railing with Ryouta next to him, both of them drinking coffee. Kouki dips his hand into the bag like it’s a lucky dip and he pulls out a small box. He slowly places the bag onto the ground, as there were two more boxed in there, and slowly opens the box in hand. Inside, sits a necklace, and he holds it up to the sunlight above him. The sapphire stone shine brightly from it’s pendant and Kouki smiles.

“I love it, thank you.” He whispers, and Mamoru smiles.

“It was Ryouta’s choice.”

“I thought they were from all of you?”

“It was our joint decision on these ones, but we don’t know what each other got you any otherwise.” Ryouta explains and Kouki understands.

He dips his hand back into the bag, and picks up another similarly sized box. It’s much heaver than the other one, and he opens it to find a small glass figurine of a Sakura tree. For now, he leaves it in the box, through fear of dropping it and shattering it across the balcony. Kensuke quietly explains that it was perfect to go in Kouki’s glass cabinet.

The last box is light, and he opens it to find a small, metallic bookmark that would clip over the very top of the page, but when he inspects it, he finds that each of their names are engraved into it, and he smiles brightly, jaw actually starting hurt. Ryouta hides his own smile in his coffee cup, Mamoru trying not to laugh as he spots it.

 “I love them, thank you!”

 

 “OH MY GOD THE CAKE!” Mamoru suddenly shouts from where he lies on the floor, having now sat up at enough speed to whack his knee against the table, not that that mattered. Kouki spots as all of their faces drop in realisation. Ryouta jumps up too, and the two of them dart out of the dorm and run down the stairs to Soara’s dorm. Kensuke and Kouki are sat in the silence for a couple seconds, before Kouki bursts out laughing as Kensuke was face palming.

“I can’t believe they forgot the damn cake.” He mutters, just as Ryouta reappears, them only knowing so because the dorms front door slams open.

"DON’T LOOK OTHERWISE I WILL BLIND YOU.” Ryouta shouts violently as Mamoru carries the cake into the kitchen, before the living room is plunged into darkness. Mamoru sings for them, as none of them are confident enough at that moment so sing, as Ryouta carries the cake in. In the candlelight, Kouki blushes and hides his face, as Ryouta sets the cake onto the coffee table before watching as Kouki blows out the three candles from the top.

 Mamoru then makes a load of noise trying to find the light switch in the darkness, his sense of direction completely forgotten.

When the lights are back on, Kouki finds that the cake is beautiful, as Kensuke appears behind him with a large knife and some plates.

“Did you really make this?” He asks, and they all nod.

“Hence why it was at Soara’s dorm. You would’ve found it otherwise.” Kensuke explains.

“Happy Birthday Kouki!” Mamoru shouts.

The rest of the day is full of playing board games whilst they ate cake for lunch and dinner, which wasn’t ideal but why not, considering it was a birthday. Kensuke quickly sends a text to Mori, thanking him for hiding the cake, and that they would make another one soon, as they had demolished this one. Kouki had been given some new headphones from Mamoru, and Ryouta had got him four new notebooks, each of them decorated differently. Kouki wears his new pyjamas from Kensuke that night to bed, but doesn’t stay there, as someone enters his room. It’s Mamoru.

 “Is something wrong Mamoru?” Kouki asks, letting him into the room where the eldest sits on the edge of his bed.

 “Can I stay with you tonight?” Mamoru asks, holding the edge of Kouki’s duvet in his hands

“Of course.”

The leader curls up with the eldest member, who at times like this, felt like the youngest, curling against Kouki as the both fall asleep.

“Happy birthday Kouki-Kun.” Mamoru whispers into the darkness, and Kouki smiles into his hair, unaware that the group chat on his phone was now full of pictures that they had taken of the kitchen during the day.


	12. Twins

The library was silent, only a few children about and older ladies with a shop bought coffee and newspaper in hand. Issei sits himself in the corner, leaving his bag on his seat whilst he hooks out his library card out of his back pocket, and begins to roam around the building for the book that he’s actually looking for. For the first time in his life, Shu had asked Issei to write a song, but he wanted actual places and events in history to be mention, after listening to an English song a while back called Europa.

So, Issei finds himself in the historical section, and runs his fingers down the spines of the books to find the right one. Issei loved the library, nothing like his brother who didn’t really enjoy sitting in the silence for hours. Issei simply loved it all, getting to be alone, even if it were just for a few hours, but the silence was worth it.

Everyday of Issei’s life was pretty much hectic, full of music recording to dance lessons, photography shoots and whatnot. It wasn’t often that he got a day to himself, and there was always a part of him that completely and utterly missed Ichiru. Of course, he would much rather have his twin with him, just so he wasn’t too alone, but Ichiru was at home today, and Eichi was there, so it was alright.

“Are you looking for something sir?”

Issei looks around to find a young woman who worked at the library. He blushes and nods his head, and to his defence, she was beautiful. He doesn’t trust his voice, but still pulls out his phone, and this, this, is what fell out of his mouth.

“My dad said I should look for this book.”

And he shows the woman Shu’s text that sent the name of the book he recommended to read. Issei was internally screaming as loud as possible at himself, he just called Shu his dad.

Well, Eichi would make what Issei believes is a fantastic mother.

Once again, to his defence, he didn’t know what a fantastic mother was.

Thankfully, the lady found the book instantly, and passed it over to Issei, explaining that it was a library owned book and he couldn’t take it out. Issei thanks her and returns to his seat. He plugs in his earphones and takes out his notebook, and begins to take notes of the important things he reads, listening to SolidS on the radio, trying not to laugh as Tsubasa and Dai argue quietly in the background whilst Rikka tries to introduce the next song, and Shiki was giggling to the left.

Soon enough, Issei realises that he had just been taking down notes, and not actually taking in a single ounce of the information he’d been ‘reading’ and wasn’t aware that SolidS had left the radio studio. He sighs, packing away his earphones as he takes a breather. With a sigh, he realises that it was just one of those days. He packs away his pens and notebook, and takes the book right back to where he’d been given it. His mind was elsewhere, and nowhere he really needed it, and so he began to walk home.

His phone pinged, and he ducked beneath a tree to read it, as he had just walked into the park. It was from Shu to the twins, telling them that Eichi and him would be at a photo shoot for the afternoon. Ichiru then texts him solo, saying that he wasn’t feeling to good, and that he would be in bed when Issei got home. Issei asks what’s wrong, and gets the reply he was expecting.

_“I just want parents Issei…”_

Issei knows… He knows…

And he bought it on himself by calling Shu his dad.

 

Issei taps twice on their bedroom door, just to let Ichiru know that he was home, and dropped his bag in the kitchen. The sun was out today, and so Issei found himself sat on the floor of the balcony, in pure silence as he looks over the city of Tokyo. He doesn’t bother Ichiru, as he knows his twin brother was feeling the same deep pain in his chest, and just wanted to be alone yet with someone at the same time.

However horrible it was, however… out-casted they felt, the twins never spoke about not having parents. When Shu came home, and expresses the need to talk about his parents, the twins would offer advice, often conferring with one another, despite how they wouldn’t have a single clue what they would actually do. It was at concerts that they realises the most, when the others on stage would look around and point out their parents in the audience, whereas Issei and Ichiru wouldn’t find anyone they recognised.

Although, Eichi’s parents would always give them chocolate and a hug when they saw them. His parents were absolutely lovely.

Issei would often walk through the park on Saturdays on his way to the library, mostly alone. On days like that, the park would be full of children and parents. He would hear them shouting for their parents, running over for hugs, getting picked up and loved. When he got home, Ichiru would be there, either Shu or Eichi with him, and he would feign happiness for a while.

Ichiru couldn’t stand the though of doing that, listening to people lucky enough to have parents. And the children were always so happy. Of course, the twins loved the orphanage and were always happy to talk to the people who raised them when they had the chance. It just hurt to be without.

But Ichiru hated their parents at the same time. He hated them because they left them. Why did they bring them into this world if they couldn’t cope with children? It makes Ichiru wish they weren’t born, and when that thought came into his head, he curls further into his duvet, tucking his old wounded arms beneath his pillow. He wouldn’t hurt himself because of his parents.

The twins would spend nights together, quietly talking about their parents, and giving one another little ideas about who they were, until one or both of them got upset, and they cried together. Nights like that, they both wanted to crawl into their parent’s bed and cry…

But they couldn’t…

 

Issei was still sat on the balcony when Eichi and Shu got back from their photo-shoot, and the note on the table told them that Ichiru was fast asleep in his bedroom. Issei had written said note, and told them he was on the balcony. Eichi wanted to immediately go and check on both of them, but Shu stop shim, and tells him that perhaps they both needed some time. Still, Eichi watched from the corner of his eye as Issei leans back against the window.

He just wanted to feel something other than emptiness… He wanted to go inside, and call his mother, and help her in the kitchen. But he knew that was impossible, and so did Ichiru. They couldn’t even call home.

Shu watches as Issei shakes his hair aggressively with his hands. It’s clear in his body that he was stressed out, or that something was wrong. He was angry, upset. Enough to make his want to break something, but not enough that he could bring himself to do it.

 He understood Ichiru’s anger towards their parents, but didn’t want to be angry…

“Mummy…,” He whispers childishly, “If you can hear me now… I love you.”

He speaks to the sky, as he stands up, and opens the door, slipping inside of the living room and smiling at the sight of his friends. He twists around to lock the balcony door shut, having a second or two to stare out of the window before retreating.

“Are you feeling alright Issei?” Eichi asks as the boy sits on the sofa. He seemed distant, and the two older ones feel a little out of place.

“What… What’s it like… to have parents?” Issei asks hesitantly, and Shu freezes with what he’s doing, and returns back to the opposite sofa. As he’s followed by silence, Issei explains, not taking his eyes off the note he’d left.

“I just… I see people, and they have parents. And it hurts… It hurts my chest. I don’t know what it is, and I know Ichiru feels it too… But… I…” Issei can’t think of any more word, and he leans down, hands in his hair and elbows resting on his knees. Shu and Eichi share a worried glance.

“When we’re on stage, everyone points out their parents, and get excited because they’re watching. And this sounds selfish, because Rikka’s parents aren’t supportive, and neither are yours Shu, but at least you have them… God, it sounds awful. Just forget I said anything.”

Issei starts to get up, but Eichi catches his arm, and he freezes where he stands, staring out of the big windows, tears in his eyes.

“I…I just want parents… That’s all I want, for Ichiru too… Or someone who at least acts like them. And that’s why I hate it when you leave.”

“When we leave?” Shu questions, and Issei nods, sighing shakily, and beginning to scratch his arms absentmindedly.

“You guys are the closet to parents we’ve ever had.”

“Issei, come here.” Shu says, and Issei stumbles over as Eichi lets go, and lets Shu sit him in his lap, and he hugs the leader of Quell. Shu’s arms are tight around his waist and back. Eichi sits with them for a moment before getting back up, and heading down the hallway. He knocks on the twin’s door, and waits for a reply. He receives silence, which he was half expecting as well.

“Ichiru, if you’re awake, please come through. We want to talk with you and Issei together.”

 

Shu holds Issei tight, and leans back against the pillows, letting Issei probably embrace him. Issei wraps his arms around Shu’s waist and he buries his face into Shu’s neck and shoulder, resting against him.

“Shu… I’m sorry. Please. I.”

“Issei, if Eichi and I feel like yours and Ichiru’s parents, then let us fulfil that role.” Shu whispers, and Issei slumps in the his touch, untensing, and some tears finally roll down the young boys cheek. Shu shushes him, and rocks him gently just like one would a baby, and Issei finally, finally feels like he’s with a family.

 

Ichiru had made a mistake from the moment he woke up, discovering and reaching an article about family members that made their families better, and orphans who’d found their real parents. He hated doing this to himself, and hated the way he couldn’t bring himself to leave his bedroom. He had heard Issei tap his door, and his footsteps lead away.

On the other hand, he was currently wide awake, and desperately wanted to leave his room in search of comfort. He’d heard every single word Issei had said, and he had agreed with every single word too. With a huff of confidence, he opens his bedroom door and steps out, catching Eichi before the elder returned to the living room.

“I…Issei is right… You guys couldn’t feel more like family to us. That’s why we stay, through every hardship, through every single argument. We stay, because Quell is so much more than just a band, but a family. And Tsukino is nothing like we’ve ever experienced.”

Ichiru’s crying now too, ever so gently as he looks up at Eichi.

“You and Shu… You’ve made us feel like normal children. You help us with our lyrics and our work like parents would, and don’t make fun of us or judge us.” He says, before Eichi opens his arms.

“Come here, and give me a hug.”

Ichiru falls forward, and grips Eichi tight, and sobs gently, clutching at Eichi’s shirt with trembling fingers.

“Eichi, bring Ichi here.” Shu says, and the group are soon reunited. The twins are sat in the middle, their legs intertwined as they sit on their ‘parents’ laps. Ichiru breaks first, reaching out to hold Issei’s hand but not facing his twin.

“I hate them,” He sobs, heartbroken, “I hate them so much… Who the hell….Who does this? Who leaves their children without even naming them?”

“What do you mean?” Eichi whispers, and Issei explains, as his brother was crying to hard to respond, Eichi now holding the back of the boys head to stop him from hitting it against his shoulder. He couldn’t have Ichiru getting hurt like that.  

“We weren’t named by our parents, the orphanage named us Ichiru and Issei Kuga.” He says, and Ichiru moves to wipe his eyes, Eichi doing it for him with a tissue that he grabbed. The twins don’t let go of one another’s hand.

“Ichiru, they left you because they loved you. They gave you to the orphanage, because they needed you to be cared for.” Eichi replies, and holds Ichiru tight to his chest.

Issei falls asleep first, Shu soon after, as Shu leans back further to accompany Issei’s body, effectively cradling the younger one to sleep. Ichiru falls asleep third, Eichi resting Ichiru carefully against his body as he watches over them, protecting him.

Shu wakes up once the sun had set, and doesn’t move an inch once he remembers that Issei is laying on his chest. He glances over, and finds that Eichi was barely awake, his head nodded ever now and then. Shu waves his arm to get his attention, and Eichi tries to stay awake to see him.

“Go to sleep, the boys are alright.” He says, and Eichi smiles weakly. Shu smiles himself as he watched Eichi drift off to sleep, resting his face against Ichiru’s hair, who ever so slowly moved to do something as he watches through bleary eyes as Issei moves.

Issei shifts on Shu’s chest, and mumbles something incoherent, before he relaxes and snuggled into Shu.

“I love you baba…”

Shu feels his whole body warm, and he places a kiss into the boys head.

“I love you too sweetheart.”

And Ichiru had filmed the entire thing.

 

Two weeks later, and it brings us to the Twin’s birthday. They wanted a fairly quiet affair, and so only invited SolidS round for dinner.  Currently, Shu and Rikka were in the kitchen cooking, whilst Issei was clinging to Ichiru back as the younger twin runs around the living room.

“Oh my god, please put me down.” Issei shouted to his brother, who agreed, and sort of dropped him onto the sofa . Issei then retaliates, and pulls Ichiru down on top of him, digging his fingers into his brothers side and tickling him.

None of the two groups have ever heard a noise like that escape Ichiru. He screeches through a cough and laughs until he can’t breath, and begs Issei to stop. Issei releases him, and Ichiru drops to the floor, where he’s suddenly whacked around the head with a pillow. Tsubasa is standing there, having just smashed Dai round the head too, and suddenly, an all out war starts. Dai goes after Issei as the younger one does the same as Tsubasa, but doesn’t get away fast enough, and suffers the same fate as Tsubasa.

Soon enough dinner is ready, and they all calm down enough to eat, although both the twins are sweating and red faced. Rikka makes the most amazing Sushi, but announces that he followed Dai’ recipe that he’d learnt beforehand. Eichi had made Gratin as per Issei’s request, despite how much they actually ate it.

And when the twins open their cards from Shu and Eichi, the two get jumped on because of what the cards say.

_“Happy Birthday Issei and Ichiru, we love you. Love from Baba and Papa.”_


	13. Shoulder Pains

Shiki's tired, dead tired. Enough to say, that if he wrote one more word, he would collapse. Tsubasa and Rikka were on an overnight train home from the other side of Japan, where they had been filming a dance cover for some reason. Rikka had called him about an hour ago, telling him how Tsubasa had just fallen asleep, and that he was going to try. Shiki forgot what the reasoning was behind a dance cover. Dai was somewhere that Shiki didn't know of too, and now Shiki was all alone in the dorm, as ten o'clock came round. He sets himself on the sofa now that he was done working on lyrics for the night, duvet dragged through from his bedroom. Shiki read through his phone for a little while, before getting more and more tired as the night dragged on, but he was determined to stay up to know that Dai was home safe. 

When Dai got home, he was silent, assuming no one was in. Slipping off his shoes, and leaving them in the cupboard, he steps into the living room, and is silently shocked to find Shiki laying there, still reading through his phone, eyes closing for longer each and every time they did. 

"I'm home." He says, and Shiki looks up from the top of his phone. 

"It's eleven, how come you're late?" Shiki asks as Dai perches himself on the edge of the sofa, ridding his hands of their rings and bracelets he'd word, leaving his single silver band on, aware that he could see Shiki's identical one glittering from his phone's artificial light. 

"I got... I struggled with the filming. I couldn't get my mind around my character." Dai mumbles and yawns widely. Shiki opens his arms, flinging the duvet to the side. Dai takes the hint and shrugs out of his jacket, throwing it on the opposite sofa, before gently crawling between Shiki's legs, and laying down on Shiki's chest, ear resting right above his heartbeat. Both of them are drained from the day, and Dai finds himself explaining everything to Shiki's, his chest shaking every know and then with heavy breaths. 

"My character is... exactly what I dreamed of being as a kid." 

"What do you mean?" Shiki whispers, a little worried now as he runs a hand down Dai's back, slipping it under his shirt to rest just above his waistline, skin on skin. It's comforting. As Shiki continues to rub his hand up and down his back, he lightly lets his nails run over the skin, and feels Dai shiver. Dai moves his own hand to rest on Shiki's shoulder. 

"Before I hurt my shoulder, I dreamed of becoming an Olympian. i trained like one. My character...he's an Olympic swimmer. I know it's only a small cameo in a a film, but... I can't stop thinking about myself, if I hadn't changed by life so drastically. I don't regret it at all, I just wonder." 

"Dai, what did your parents think? Of that dream?" 

"They didn't... I never told them." 

"You didn't tell your parent?" Shiki is horrified to hear that. People always tell other about their dreams. Okay, maybe he hesitated when he spoke about what he dreamt of, but for the sake of conversation he'd lie. 

"I just wanted to swim or sing. One of them. And I got to do both. With a cost." Dai sighs, and turns his head further into Shiki's neck. Shiki runs his other hand to press down on Dai's shoulder, not enough to anger the old wound, but enough to remind Dai that Shiki was still there, but Dai wasn't able to forget. 

He reaches up, and taps Shiki's cheek, causing him to turn to face him. Dai tilts his head just enough to gently press their lips together, and Shiki smiles into the kiss, not moving his hands away from Dai's body. When they part for air, Dai lets out a practically incoherent whine, before Shiki runs his tongue over Dai's lip, and they kiss once more, Dai melting. 

No one spoke again, as the night drew in, and together, they fell asleep, breathing in sync with one another as the world moved around them. Shiki wakes up occasionally, the leader in him making sure that Dai was comfortable and sleeping soundly. Dai wasn't heavy either, just a nice pressure on Shiki's chest. 

 

 

It was early morning when Rikka and Tsubasa got in, and they both crept in through the living room only to be confronted by their leader and youngest member, cuddling one another, fast asleep. The two of them slowly draw the curtains, holding their breaths as they dont' want to wake them up, and plunge the living room into temporary darkness whist they slept. Tsubasa pulls the duvet to tuck around Dai better, and leaves them to it. Both he and Rikka head into Tsubasa's room after leaving a note on the coffee table to alert them when they woke up that they were home. 

In return, Dai finds them in a funny position. The duvet had been flicked back as the AC had been pushing out some warm air, and Tsubasa was led between Rikka's legs which were under and over his waist, as the younger pressed his face into Rikka's shirtless stomach. Dai snuck a picture of them, sending it to Shiki, who then posted it to the Quell-SolidS group chat. Thankfully, Quell had been more than happy with the news of them dating, Ichiru and Issei congratulating them before Shu and Eichi had done. 

Shu had woken them up later once lunch time came around, and Tsubasa felt so bad that he had to carry Rikka through because of his leg that was dead from where Tsubasa had led on it for six or seven hours straight. More than that, if was funny watching Rikka trying to walk with a dead leg and almost flattening Tsubasa. They both ended up led on the floor in the middle of the hallway, laughing their heads off, Rikka's hair splayed across the carpet as his foot slammed into the floor as he tried to regain feeling in it. 

 

 

"Shiki, are you busy?" 

Shiki spins round in his chair, headphones resting on his shoulder as he finds Dai poking his head through the door, blue hair still drying from a shower and a distant look in his eyes. Shiki can hear the slightly loose doorknob squeak as Dai twists it in a circle. 

"I am not, what's wrong?" 

"You know the other night... When Rikka and Tsu weren't here?" Dai whispers, and Shiki smiles. He stands up, closing his laptop as he places his headphones back onto the desk and ushering Dai to actually come in to the room. 

"Do you want a hug?" Shiki asks, and Dai drops his head, before meekly nodding. He'd been too afraid to ask Rikka or Tsubasa, in case they asked too many questions. 

Shiki pulls the duvet and Dai slips in beside him, resting his hand on Shiki's shoulder, sighing quietly. He gently tucks one leg over Shiki's, who hums in agreement to that, turning his head to kiss his lover gently. 

"You finished that filming today, didn't you?" Shiki whispers, and Dai nods. 

"I hope I did alright... I had to swim like a competition, pulled my shoulder a little." He breathes, and Shiki clicks on his tongue. 

"Get on my chest." 

Dai pushes himself up, and yelps in pain, falling back onto Shiki's arm as he winces. So, maybe he'd pulled his arm worse than he'd let on. Shiki winces himself, and helps to move Dai around and onto his chest, just like a few nights ago. Shiki silently rubs Dai's shoulder from beneath his loose shirt, hoping his hand wasn't too cold. When Dai lets out a pained whimper, Shiki quietly shushes him, kissing his forehead. And soon enough, Dai was passed out against his body, and sleeping once more. 

It was only Rikka who found them that time. Tsubasa had gone out for dinner with a few friends. Rikka had come into the room to alert them about dinner, but found them both fast asleep. Rikka didn't want to bother them, as it was rare to find Shiki ever sleeping, and rare to ever find Dai relaxed like this, his limbs limp as he rests. Unfortunately, Rikka had to wake them as dinner wouldn't last for tomorrow. 

Ever so carefully, Rikka runs his fingers through Shiki's violet hair, pushing back his fringe until he opens his eyes, and smiles up at Rikka. 

"I'm sorry to wake up, but I though you'd like to eat." He speaks quietly, moving his hand from Shiki to Dai, who flinches, but looks around to find Rikka, and smiles. 

"Food?" he asks, and Rikka giggles. 

"Your favourite." 

When Dai goes to get up, something clicks and he gasps in pure pain, his vision genuinely having been thrown out as he collapses, knocking Shiki's breath from his lungs. He doesn't respond to either Rikka or Shiki's concerns, having not hear them as everything had been thrown out. When he comes back to his senses, Shiki had slipped out from underneath him, and he was facing the ceiling. 

"Dai, are you alright?" Shiki says, leaning on one knee on the bed. 

"I don't know what just happened?" He replies with, and that's when Rikka appears in his vision. 

"You've just dislocated your shoulder. It's because of your wound, but you haven't properly injured it." Rikka says. 

"I sense a 'but'." He mumbles. 

"But, I need to relocate it." Rikka says, and Shiki moves away, causing Dai to panic. He grabs Shiki's arm, and the leader turns to face him, swallowing heavily. 

"I'm not leaving, I just need to give Rikka some room." 

Rikka had done this once before, and so he slides one hand beneath Dai's shoulder, apologising when it hurts the younger, and the other one lays on the front of his shoulder. Before he begins to count, he kisses Dai sweetly. He counts down from five, and on two, he pushes. Dai gives a choked off scream as his shoulder is put back in it's place, and Rikka actually feels the bones realign in his body. It once again, throws his vision out; and he doesn't realise that he'd passed out, until he wakes up the next morning, Rikka by his side. 

He says by his side, Rikka is sat in Shiki's desk chair, barely upright as he sleeps on. Dai realises that there's someone by his side, and he turns to find Tsubasa, cuddling a pillow tight to his chest instead of touching Dai, who guesses that the elder was frightened of hurting him. There's also a note on the bedside table, and Dai can just about reach it. 

_I hope you're okay Dai. You were asleep when I left, as were Rikka and Tsubasa. I love you, rest well XX_

 

 

It takes a few more days for his shoulder to feel better, and by then, the film was already being shown to VIPs before it was released. Of course, Dai got tickets and manages to get some for the rest of SolidS too. Quell also got invited on a professional basis, but they were mainly there to support Dai, who was down on stage as part of supporting cast. He appears just as the film starts, ducking in front of Tsubasa to get his seat in between him and Shiki. 

When his small scene comes up, Tsubasa grabs him excitedly, and Dai can't help but smile as he shakes his head. Then, they understand how Dai had hurt himself. In the film, Dai has to race the leading cast member, and they both smile like the world would depend on who won. Dai was simply an amazing swimmer. 

It was hard for him to watch, having dreamt all of his life about what was happening on screen, but with Rikka, Shiki and Tsubasa at his side, he couldn't feel more like his dream came true


	14. Morihito's Tattoo

"Guys, I'm thinking of getting a tattoo." Morihito announces, and he hears Soushi and Ren snorting, whilst Sora and Nozomu get excited. It's the last thing they'd except Mori to say, as he wasn't the sort of person to get a tattoo. Soushi was half listening to the radio, tapping his drumsticks against his knees with the music, creating little red patches on his kneecaps. He's in a whole world of his own. 

"Where, and what of?" Sora asks, handing the plates of Nozomu as he begins to wash up, filling up the sink with the warm water and pouring soap into the water, and dunking his hands beneath. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and Sora skips around the room to quickly collect any other dirty dished or glasses that he can find. 

"I want a guitar pick on my inner wrist. And I want Soara written on the pick." He says, and Sora sort of freezes, but continues to hand dishes over to feign that he wasn't surprised. Nozomu notices, and nudged him with his shoulder to just say was he was thinking. 

"Do we... mean that much to you?" He asks quietly, unaware at hoe both Mori's and Ren's faces drop, and Soushi ever so slowly turns down the radio a little.

"I'd love to have a tattoo for Soara." Mori replies, and Sora finally unfreezes with a weak smile gracing his lips. 

"My mother would murder me, so we can't get matching ones," Nozmou mumbles, "but I can stick a pick to my arm if you would like>" 

"Wait, that's a good idea. We should do that to see if Mori seriously wants it." Soushi says from where he stands between the kitchen and the living room, as he flicks his drumsticks between his fingers like a large pen. 

“Go and get one then.” Mori says, and Soushi drops his drumsticks onto the sofa, and bounds over to the shelving unit, delving his fingers into the little jar that sat on the shelf that was full of guitar picks. Nozomu and Sora had put it there after they started to loose them more often then they realised. 

“Hand me a sharpie Ren.” 

Ren already had said pen in his hands, although Soushi can’t see this, and chucks it across the room. He’d been colouring for the last hour, working quietly since dinner time. Soushi catches it and slowly writes ‘Soara’ onto the pick width ways. Then, he crosses the  room and takes Morihito’s arm, resting it onto the counter, flat, and laying the pick on top. Nozomu takes the towel from Sora so he’s not dripping water all over the kitchen, and they al hover around to see what Mori would look like. 

Soushi looks up to find that Mori is smiling, and nodding his head. It doesn’t look exactly how he imagined, but it was close enough. 

“I want it, but fully black perhaps, and Soara being the only thing no coloured in.” Morihito explains quietly, and Soushi understands that he’d not too sure what he wants. 

“I think you should do it.” Ren says even quieter than before, pulling one knee up against his chest as he continues to colour. 

“Would one of you come with me?” He asks, and Nozomu immediately shoots up his hand, then drops it again with a pout. 

“Is that a yes or no?” Soushi giggles, and Nozomu shakes his head, sheepishly smiling. 

“I’m scared of needles.” he replies, turning back to continues washing the dishes, as Ren switches out the colour of pen. 

“Ren, would you draw it for me?” Mori asks out of the blue, and Ren chokes on a cough. He’s never been asked a questions like that in his life. He looks up from his colouring, and can feel that the colour from his face drains at the realisation that Morihito is completely and utterly serious. He caps his pen quickly, and drops it back into the pencil case. 

“I mean, if you’re serious… I can try.” He whispers, and Sora smiles loving at the two, whilst Mori just readjust his glasses with a nod. 

“Just let me grab my book.” Ren says, and he slides off his stood, heading towards his bedroom with shaking hands. His drawing would end up on Mori’s body, tattooed on his body forever. He rifles through his desk, finding his drawing book and quickly finds his second pencil case. When he returns, they’d pulled out the extra stools, and were all sat around the counter. 

“I thought we can make different designs, and then Mori could choose his favourite.” Ren suggests, and Sora gets all excited. 

“We can make suggestions, but you’re the one drawing.” He giggles, and Ren smiles knowingly. He had a good hand in designing most of the groups album covers. 

“Of course.” He says, flicking to an empty page, but doesn’t get far, as Soushi stops his movement, taking the pad from him, and flicking two pages back. On that page, sits the drawing that had taken Ren around four hours. He’d injured his legs, and was unable to stand up there with his band, so they told him to rest as he watches them rehearse. The drawing is them on stage, each of their respective instruments. It hasn’t been coloured, but shaded amazingly. 

“When did you draw this?” Soushi whispers as he passes it to Mori. Ren doesn’t see his proud smile. 

“When I hurt my leg, and you were rehearsing.” He replies, as he tries to take it back, but can’t move his arms enough to grab it. 

“It’s amazing Ren, how come you don’t draw more?” Sora asks, and Ren shrugs in reply, no knowing the answer himself. He’d been drawing since he was he was a little kid, just like he’d been playing piano. He watches as Mori flicks through himself and he stops on another page. This time, it is a drawing of a simple acoustic guitar, with vine leaves drawn all over it. 

“Can I start on the picks now?” Ren asks quickly, and Mori hands back his pad. 

“I was thinking of just tracing around the pick, then drawing on it.” Ren explains as he places the pick onto the paper, and brings the pencil to slowly draw around it. 

“So, what is the one you want first? Or the one you would like the most.” Ren asks, and finished up the first pick, and notices that Mori is still thinking. 

“I’m not sure, because I like the guitar.” Mori replies, and Ren cocks his head before he realises what he meant. 

“So like, vines. Like an ivy bush?” Ren whispers, as he starts to draw inside of the pick, drawing branches along it and sketches leaves every now and then, creating a perfect replica of the guitar on the previous page. 

“Sora, you can colour it if you like.” Ren says, as he slowly pulls out the page form his book, and handing it to Sora, who’s wide-eyed. 

“But you need the rest of the paper for ideas?” Sora says. 

“Don’t mind that, we’re gonna need more than one page.” Ren replies, taking the pencil cakes and slowly taking out the pencils so they don’t make a loud noise on the counter. Sora takes the brown and green that Morihito had picked out, and begins to colour in very carefully, aware that this one be the reference used, which slightly worried him. He really didn’t want to mess this up for Ren or Mori. 

“And another couple of ideas?” Ren asks, and Mori has to take a moment to think. 

“I don’t know… Perhaps just different colours and different shapes or patterns.” 

So, together, they spend the rest of night by one another side, each of them colouring soon enough, either drawings that Ren had already done, or the picks that he was still drawing. They’d all agreed not to colour in the guitar or the stage drawings, as they were both important to Ren, so they left them untouched, much to Ren’s delight. Morihito brings out cake soon enough, and they all ask where it came from, taking it the sight of the beautiful cake. 

“Kensuke and Ryouta made it.” He replies, passing a plate to each of them. 

“i think I want a tattoo now.” Soushi smirks, and Mori smiles brightly. 

“We could get one done at the same time.” 

“I want a difficult one though, it would take time.” 

“Do you want a watercolour on by any chance?” Sora asks with his mouthful of chocolate cake, and Ren looks up, admiring the thought of Soushi with a tattoo. 

“How the hell do you know that?” Soushi asks with disbelief. 

“Because you’re still logged into my Pinterest.”

A week later, Mori and Soushi are walking into the heart of the city, both holding Waffles as they cross the busy road. They’re heading towards a well known tattoo shop, and both of them had a reference. Soushi wasn’t getting his done today, but was hoping he could find out how much time would go into having a watercolour galaxy tattooed on his forearm. Mori was having his done, and had chosen to have that one that Nozomu had drawn. It had Soara horiziontally written, the only part of the tattoo which couldn’t be coloured. The rest of the pick was different block colours that just showed what Soara was made of. 

Beautiful colours. 

“Are you nervous?” Soushi asks as they walk through a park, down the side of a river. 

“I don’t think so. You watch, I’ll back out now.” Mori laughs, and Soushi puts a hand on his shoulder, still walking beneath the trees. 

“You better now. Sora is too excited about it.” 

Morihito guides Soushi through the busy streets, pulling up his mask to hide his face and sort of hoping no one recognised them, which was inevitable because of how big Soara had gotten recently, but there was nobody in the street in which they had to be in. Soushi opens the door for him, and a girl smiles up at them from the counter. Morihito gives over his name, and the girl asks them to wait for a minute or two. Soushi can’t help but feel intimidated by her, as her hair is long, black and so is most of her make up save for the inner corners of her eyes which were white. Both her arms were covered in tattoos of writing and symbols that Souhi had never seen before.

Soushi notices that Mori’s hands are shaking lightly, and he grabs them within his own. 

“It’ll be fine. 

Mori smiles weakly. 

“Morihito?” 

An older looking man calls out his name, and he too, is covered in tattoos. He can tell Morihito is nervous. 

“You can bring your friend in.” 

Soushi sits by Mori’s side as his friend climbs into the seat. It’s weird, having his arm away from him so he can’t see the needles. Soushi holds his hand carefully. 

“Blame Nozomu for the pain.” The younger, black haired boy says, and Morihito giggles, slightly tensing as he feels the needle go in for the first time. It doesn’t hurt too much, and he gets slowly used to it. 

“So, are you thinking of getting a tattoo?” The man asks Soushi, who realises he was still holding his folder. 

“I am, but I’m aware it’ll be a hard one.” Soushi replies, smiling gently. The man turns around to dip the needle in more ink to finish of the outline of ‘Soara’ and the pick. 

“Is it a difficult design then?” He asks. 

“No, it’s a watercolour one. I don’t know how possibly they are.” Soushi says, and Morihito tenses up again, holding his hand tightly suddenly. It was a lower part of his wrist and was way more tender than the rest. It was also the hand he used to hold the guitar, and not strum. That was clear, as a tiny speck of blood appeared on his skin. Thankfully, Mori couldn’t see that. 

“They’re possible, if one has a good pain tolerance.” 

“He does, he dropped an entire drum on his foot and didn't wince.” Mori says, and both men laugh, Soushi blushing a beet red. 

“I recall screeching afterwards, and Sora ended up on the floor.” 

“So, you guys sound like you’re in a band.” The tattoo artist says, and Mori nods. 

“We’re part of Soara.” Mori explains, and the man smiles. 

“That’s why I recognised you. My daughter went to the Tsukino concert last year. The second day.” The man explains, and both Mori and Soushi go ‘ahhh’.

“Yeah, that’s us. I play guitar, and he plays drums.” 

“I don’t mind giving an autograph for her,” Soushi says, “If any of our other members come down, I’ll give them a word.” 

“That would be very nice. She’d be estatic. 

It takes about an hour in whole to finish Mori’s tattoo, and he’s more than happy with the results, as it looks exactly how Ren had drawn it, and how Nozomu had coloured it. Sora had printed it, and given it to Mori the next morning once it was all detailed with the dots and everything. It truely was a piece from all of Soara. They would go down next week to get Soushi’s watercolour done too. They catch the train home, as Mori’s arm was killing him and wrapped in cling-film. 

When they got home, no one was there. They checked every single room, only to find a note on Sora’s bed which was hastily written. 

_ Sorry, they called us in for an interview. Ren feels sick but we couldn’t stop it. Can you have something ready for when we come back at three. Thanks X _

“I hope Ren isn’t too bad.” Morihito breaths, as he checks his watch. 

“Half an hour.” He adds on. 

“Let’s make soup,” Soushi suggests, “I’m sure Ren would like that. I’ll bring some blankets through too.”

Ren comes home asleep on Nozomu’s back, and Sora explained that he had a panic attack in the car, and the interview never even happened, as they hadn’t got there before he’d started. By that time, Mori had taken off the cling film and was stirring the liquid in the pot, passing the spoon to Soushi. He was crouching down in front of Ren when the younger boy woke up, and he ever so gently runs his fingers over Mori’s tattoo tiredly. To be honest, Mori had completely forgotten about it. 

“It suits you.” He whispers, voice scratchy. 

“Go back to sleep Ren, they’ll be food when you wake up, don’t worry.” Morihito smiles like a giddy child, stroking Ren’s hair as he passed out once more. 

Nozomu drapes himself over his back for a little while. 

“Thank you.” 

“What for?” Mori’s eyebrows furrow. 

“For having something down on your own body to remember us by.”

 

 


	15. Shu and Eichi

Eichi was walking backwards, giggling as he tries to defend himself against Ichiru, who's holding a water gun in his hands, aiming straight for Eichi's chest. The fans are screaming as he gets closer to the edge of the stage, but as he's backwards, he can't tell how close he is. Ichiru lowers the gun, and lunges forward to get to Eichi. When he begins to fall, Shu is there. Shu grabs him and pulls him back, but they both lose balance for a second time, and Eichi falls with Shu underneath him. Shu lands painfully on his wrist, with Eichi on top of him. 

"Why did you do that?" Eichi cries, tearing off his microphone as he gets off Shu, trying to get him up. He winces painfully as the weight is taken off his wrist. If it weren't for Shu, Eichi probably would've cracked his head open. Issei and Ichiru had both run down the stairs to the left of them, jumping down without hurting themselves. They run over, crouching down to see if everyone was okay, Ichiru apologizing to the moon and back. Bodyguards are now making sure no fans interfere, not like they would. Soon enough, Ryouta and Kouki appear above them, joining them from backstage after watching what had happened. 

They help Shu and Eichi up, and they walk mostly uninjured to the nurse. 

 

 

"If you had landed any further to the right, you would've broken your wrist." The nurse says, and Eichi cringes, watching as the woman wraps some more bandages around his wrist. Issei and Ichiru wait outside, both of them sat on the floor as they waiting. Eichi shouldn't really have gone in, but he'd insisted, and Shu said to the nurse that it was okay him being there. It was just sprained, no fractures either. 

When they leave, the twins both jump up, and Shu smiles up at them, holding up his bandaged wrist. 

"I'm fine." 

Ichiru apologises again to both of them, sheepishly bowing and giggling when Eichi wiggles his fingers into his side. 

 

 

A holiday shoot is coming up, and everyone was going, but some sort of mix-up had occurred, and so Growth and Soara had ended up staying somewhere else down the road to SolidS and Quell, but they only filmed in one place. It was a great way to get them all bonded. Ren and Issei got on really well, and Sora didn't mind staying out of the water with Tsubasa for a while. Shu had gone in, with a new bandage that was waterproof. 

Ichiru had tested the waterproof go-pro by throwing it into the pool. Currently he and Rikka were filming one another doing flips and shit. 

"If you want to do in, go in." Sora had said to the blonde, but Tsubasa had shaken his head. 

"You'll be alone if I do." 

"I can dip my feet in." 

So, Sora does just that, sitting on the edge and dipping his feet in. Issei swims up to him, and Sora feels the fear in his chest build up at the idea that the older twin is going to pull him in. Issei holds up his hands defensively. 

"Don't worry, I'm not here to bite. Ryouta just wants to know if you want Ice cream?" Issei smiles, and Sora sighs gently in relief. Issei would only pull someone in if it were his brother or perhaps Tsubasa is the older boy was being a twat. Or if Ichiru asked him nicely. 

"Yes please, a chocolate one if there is one." He says, and Issei nods, smiling as he swims away to catch up with the others. 

"Sora will have chocolate please, and I'll have vanilla!" He shouts to Ryouta, who throws up a thumbs up and ducks into the kitchen. When he returns, he makes Sora jump by sitting next to him.

"Didn't mean to scare you." He whispers, handing over the ice cream after he'd unwrapped it. 

"Thank you." Sora replies by bowing his head slightly. 

"Sora, can I ask why you don't like swimming?" Ryouta asks quietly, but adding on that if Sora didn't want to, that was perfectly fine as well. 

"I had a nightmare, and I was drowning. Next day we went swimming and Soushi had to get me out before I actually drowned." He replies, licking on the chocolate ice cream. 

"I'll make sure no one pulls you in." Ryouta smiles, and Sora giggles. 

 

 

Over the course of the week long holiday, Shu had completely and utterly fallen in love with Eichi. Of course, since the adaptation of Issei and Ichiru calling them Baba and Papa made a point, but apart from that, there was nothing. Except from the fast that Eichi would sometimes hold his hand when he dragged to show to him something, or ran long the beach, and his smiles would literally make Shu want to faint or something. 

Eichi was beautiful too, the ways his eyes sparkle when he spoke about something that made him happy. And when his hair was fluffy, always. More than anything, Shu just loved Eichi when he was being Eichi. When he was being Papa to Issei and Ichiru, making sure they didn't get sunburnt or weren't too cold, or had the right amount of sleep and were sleeping before he and Shu went to bed. It was the little moment where Eichi would fall asleep on Shu's shoulder, and completely forgot about the world around them. 

Eichi, however, felt the exact same. He loved the way Shu would fall asleep anywhere if he was tired enough, which included when writing. Eichi loved it when Shu would put on his aftershave, and it would smell strongly of woodland. He loved it when they sat together, and their legs would intertwine. He loved it when Shu held one of the twins against his chest, and cuddles them as if they were one of his own. 

And Eichi loved when Shu and Shiki wrote lyrics together as the sun set, their books splayed around them as they wrote, laughing at one another. 

Eichi was in love with Shu. 

And Shy was in love with Eichi. 

The holiday wasn't exactly the easiest, as Eichi and Shu were asked to share a bed. Neither of them made a complaint, but each morning, Shu would wake up with Eichi curled against his chest, sleeping soundly as the leader listened to Rikka and Dai go out for a run together. 

"Shu, your ice cream is going to melt!" 

Shu is shaken back to reality and throws his other hand beneath the melting ice cream, causing Rikka to laugh and hand him some kitchen towel quickly, before he too jumps back into the pool. Eichi is laughing from where he holds himself up with Tsubasa on his back. When the pink haired boy kisses Tsubasa, a twang of jealously hit Shu in the chest. By Christ, he thought it was disgusting. 

Shu glances up and his eyes meet with Eichi's, and they both blush heavily. 

 

The second to last day there was incredibly hot, and so they agreed not to film, and just have a holiday. Singular. Growth and Soara weren't coming, but were going to the beach for a while. Ryouta had dragged Soushi in the end. As no one else was in the pool except for Dai whose legs were in, Shu swam over to Eichi, and slowly dragged him over to the deep end of the pool, Eichi giggling as he did so. 

Suddenly, Ichiru reaches over silently, and slaps Rikka on the arm, who in turn looks at him, half expecting something to be wrong, and he gets the attention of the others sitting near him. Now that their eyes are on Ichiru, he raises a finger to his mouth and points to the pool. 

Shu is holding Eichi up, and they're both incredibly close, foreheads touching as Shu's foot keeps them from ducking underwater. Eichi laughs, something Shu was saying making him do so, and Rikka leans over to Tsubasa. 

"If they kiss, you owe me a thousand yen." 

Shiki snorts from behind his book, and Tsubasa rolls his eyes. 

"Yeah, like they're not going to." 

 

"I'm sorry, for the other day." Eichi whispers, and Shu frowns a little, raising a slightly wrinkled hand to push back Eichi's hair. 

"You did nothing wrong," Shu replies, running his fingers through Eichi's hair with his injured arm, "All you did was make a little mistake." 

"But-" 

"No, I almost broke my wrist. You were falling off stage. It was my choice to help." Shu replies, trying not to get angry with the older one. Eichi looks up to avoid tears falling from his eyes, but Shy slowly cups his face, bringing his eyes back down. 

"Thank you..." Eichi whispers, and finally leans forward. Their lips connect, and Shu tries not to make a somewhat satisfied noise. Their lips move in perfect sync until Shu pulls away, both of them keeping their eyes closed for a second or two. 

"What was that?" He asks, feigning light anger. 

"Affection?" Eichi whispers, now feeling as if he'd done something wrong, and his heart pounds with imminent rejection. 

"Disgusting." 

There's a thick silence, but Eichi can't move away...

"Do it again." 

Eichi bursts into giggles, shaking as he dunks Shu's head under the water, but Shu drags him down with him. When the resurface, they share a kiss again, and Eichi had to pull away as he's giggling so much. Shu holds him against his chest, and Eichi sighs into the touch. 

And then Issei and Ichiru jump into the pool, splashing both of them with a wave. When they resurface too, they're giggling as they cling onto their backs. 

"So, are our parents getting marries any time soon." Ichiru asks, and Shu does the first thing that comes to mind, falling backwards to dunk Ichiru under the water will all his mite. Then, someone else jumps in, and all Shu sees is a flash of pink, before their both being pulled up. Dai is draped over Tsubasa's back who was now struggling to hold them both up, and Dai quickly changes so he doesn't drown Tsubasa. Ichiru and Issei are floating with the long foam things. Eichi just clings to Shu's back now. Rikka and Shiki are still tackling one another, when Shiki shoots back to the surface, coughing and spluttering as Rikka has to let down his knotted hair. 

"I hope the photography isn't too harsh tomorrow." Issei says, leaning back to wet his hair again, but Ichiru shoves his hand into his brother face, and Issei goes under. 

"You dick!" Issei shouts at his brother, who quickly swims to Eichi. 

"Protect me!" 

"But what if I wanna join?" Eichi asks, and suddenly, he can't breathe through laughter as he gets tickled. 

 

As the sun goes down, Eichi and Shu sit in the garden area, Eichi leg on the other lap, and looking up at him. Rikka and Dai had gone on another run, whilst Tsubasa and Shiki had disappeared on a walk somewhere. 

"Shu... Will you go out with me?" Eichi whispers, closing his eyes as he prepares for rejection once again. 

"Eichi, my love, why are you closing your eyes?" Shu replies, and gets Eichi to sit up opposite him on the same sofa, but he can't look Shu in the eyes. 

"I'm scared." Eichi barely whispers, breathing the words. 

"What of? Eichi, I love you more than anything. I couldn't say no to you even if I tried." 

"Is that why you almost broke your wrist for me?" Eichi asks, finally opening his eyes to reveal that Shu had tears in his eyes. Eichi panics, and his hands flutter as they go to Shu's face, trying to stop him from crying. 

"I can't bear to see you in pain. I was scared that if you fell, I'd look and see you led in your own blood." Shu whispers, and his hands are shaking badly. Eichi quickly takes them, but doesn't say another word. 

"FUCK!" 

"I'm sorry!" 

Both Shu and Eichi jump up and run into the kitchen, where Ichiru is now stood in the middle of the pile of broken glass. Issei was stood just outside the circle, eyes wide open with fear. They both look at the elder, fear mirroring theirs. 

"Ichiru, are you okay?" Shu asks, and Ichiru just nods numbly, but he's holding his hand incredibly tight to his body. Eichi grabs Issei round the waist as he beginning to walk towards his brother, shushing him when he cried out at Eichi. Eichi quiets him with a kiss to the very base of his neck. 

"I've cut my hand, pretty badly." Ichiru replies, taking his hand away from the injured one for Shu to see. It's absolutely covered in blood, and Eichi feels Issei's legs go weak. 

"Is there glass in it?" Shu asks, working out a plan. 

"No, I pulled it out seconds before you came in." 

"Okay, Ichiru, just keep a tight pressure on it, no matter how bad it hurts." Shu says before running to put his shoes on so he can just get to Ichiru. Ever so carefully, Shu manages to get Ichiru out of the pile of glass to run over to Issei, who starts to clean his wound in the bathroom. 

"Shu, I need-" 

"Go and put some shoes on before your pierce a hole in your foot." Shu says before Eichi can walk any further, and Eichi nods, disappearing into the hallway to grab his shoes. 

Together, they clean the kitchen, making sure all the glass is cleared up, and the kitchen is safe to walk in. Ichiru is sat on the edge of the bath, with Issei starting to find a bandage to wrap around his brothers clean hand. 

"I'm so sorry for scaring you, I didn't know you were holding glasses. I'll tell Shy and Eichi everything, and they can get mad at me, yeah." Issei rambles, "They can get mad at me." 

"And pray tell, why would we be angry?" Eichi asks, and Issei flinches, turning back to finish up Ichiru's dressing. 

"I'm sorry, I really am. If I'd have known he was carrying two glasses I wouldn't of scared him. I promise." He says, and Shu rubs his back, watching him carefully as he wraps his hand, doing a great job at it. It turns out that Ichiru was getting the two of them drinks, and Issei had scared him into shattering the two glasses against one another, hence the cut. 

"No one is mad, I promise." 

Shu and Eichi both made a pact whilst they were eating dinner, to keep their calm with the twins, whatever they did. They were their sons. 

Just that sentence made Shu's heart pound and stomach do little flips. By the gods, he loved him. 

 

 

That night, Eichi was more than happy to sleep with Shu, for one not feeling awkward, but not before he checks that Issei and Ichiru are asleep, which they were. He gets changed, slipping into a sleep shirt and bottoms. Shu opens his arms, and Eichi lays in them. They don't stay that way for long, as Eichi can't help but push himself up and kiss Shu. Their tongues meet and swirl together in their mouths. Shy finally hums in satisfaction, and a shiver is sent through Eichi's entire body. They stay that way for a while, and the last thing Eichi sees that night, is white. 

 

The next day is full of photo-shoots, quite a few pictures of the twins climbing this massive tree and Ichiru getting stuck. It's funny as anything when he tries to jump to Rikka, knocking him down in the process and they both just lay on the floor laughing. And then they have a four hour drive home. Thankfully, they had been given a driver and a mini-van, so all eight of SolidS and Quell could get in one car. The twins both ran to the back and ended up playing rock paper scissors to see who got the window seat, but they were both asleep before they'd even started to move, resting against one another. Tsubasa and Rikka were sat opposite them, Rikka having the window seat and Tsubasa taking a picture each time they stopped in a pretty location with Rikka's gentle face. Dai and Shiki were in front of them, sharing earphones as they listened to some of Shiki's music. 

Eichi had shuffled enough to the side so that Shu could lean against the window with his back, and rest his legs on Eichi's lap whilst he read his book. Eichi was listening to music himself, but resting his hands just on top of Shu's legs, and smiled in his dozy state, sending Shu's hearts in little flips. He gracefully sits up to press a kiss to Eichi's forehead, before returning to his book whilst keeping an eye on how Eichi blushes and hides his face in his hands. By the gods, did Shu love him 


	16. Tsukino's kitten program

Once again, there is a storm raging over Tokyo, and Nozomu just had to get caught in it. The rain was just as heavy as the thunder, and lightening lit up the sky in large sheets. Nozomu had rung Mori before he'd ventured into the rain, and told them he'd be soaked by the time he got home, as all the trains were shut off, and so were most of the traffic services. He'd ducked beneath a bus stop for the moment, barely sheltered from the storm. 

Just as he walks into the rain, he hears a pitiful sound. 

A meek, pained meow echoes around the alleyway he was passing, and it was a miracle he'd even heard it. Without a second though, he ducks into it, and listens out for a second noise. Exactly what he was waiting for, another meow echoes around. Following that sound as best he could, Nozomu found himself on his knees next to a small plastic bag. When it moves unnaturally, Nozomu starts to hurry to untie it, cringing at the way his fingers slip as he tries. 

The poor thing is tiny. 

A ginger little kitten sits there, shivering and shaking with fear, looking up at Nozomu with pained eyes. it's begging Nozomu to take it. Nozomu doesn't hesitate to take it into his hands, and opens his jackets zip, tucking into his quickly cooling body warmth. He shushes it's pained whimpers, and he begs for it to last the night at least. Nozomu cringes again at the feeling of the little body trembling against his fingers, and he prays that it's not scared of him. 

Now that the kitten is cradled against his chest, Nozomu begins to hurry his journey home, getting drenched as he runs through puddle and soaks his feet. 

When he gets in, he keeps that small creature tucked into his chest as he talks to Mori and Soushi. AS he walks to the bathroom, a loud meow breaks out, and he freezes. Ren perks up, and so does Sora as they both lean over the back of the sofa. Soushi and Mori are now confused. 

"Nozomu, did you just meow?" 

"Um, no-" 

The kitten meows once more.

"Nozomu?" 

"It was freezing out there, and someone had tied it in a bag. I couldn't just leave it." Nozomu says as he pulls out the kitten. 

. Ren gasps, and jumps over the back of the sofa, running into the kitchen and opens the drawers with haste. He appears with a clean dishtowel, a soft one that hadn’t been used much, and slowly takes the kitten into his own arms. He wraps the towel around it, and tucks it closer to his chest.

It worried Mori and Soushi to see him look up with dead fear embedded into his eyes.

“Please, we have to help it!” Nozomu begs, he too having fear in his eyes. The poor thing was still shivering, and tears actually start to worry Ren’s eyes. Morihito gently takes the kitten and raises it to eye level with him. The small finger ball reaches forward as its nose twitches as it sniffs. Then it licks Mori’s nose, and he can’t help but smile as he tucks it into his own chest.

“It’s a boy too.” Nozomu adds quietly.

“Someone grab the blanket from my bedroom, the one on my bed. And Nozomu, go and get changed before you catch a cold.” Soushi says, and Sora sprints as fast as he can to get the blanket, dragging Nozomu with him and dropping him off at the bathroom. Nozomu had little frictions burns and a few scratches on his fingers from the haste to get the bag open, and he takes a breather whilst leaning on the sink.

Ren takes the kitten back from Mori, and takes him over to the sofa.

“Oh, you must be so hungry.” Ren whispers, heartbroken as he watches the kitten slowly curl up on the sofa. Mori feels awful for not knowing what to do.

“Can they eat tuna? Or milk?” Ren asks, and Soushi thinks about it.

“I think, but not too much of either. Perhaps we could give him some of both.” Soushi suggests, and hie and Mori start to look around to see if they have either. Mori ever so carefully carries a plate that had milk poured onto it through, and he sets it on the coffee table. Of course, the ginger ball spots this and starts to meow loudly, and looks like he’s going to try and jump to the coffee table from the sofa. Spotting this, Ren picks up him up eye level like Mori had done, just as Sora reappears with the blanket, and he drops it onto the sofa.

“Not yet little guy, you’re too small.” Ren giggles, before placing the cat onto the coffee table, where it stumbles in a hurry to get to the milk. Mori can’t help but sigh quietly, as he just hopes this isn’t the first thing the little thing had eaten.

Soon enough, Nozomu reappears from the bathroom, in jogger bottoms and a large jumper. By then, the kitten’s entire face is covered in little flicks of milk. He giggles and sits himself next to Ren who was watching the animal intently. He’d always wanted a cat.

“He’s got more on him that in him.” Ren laughs, and Nozomu reaches over to gently stroke it’s fur.

“Nozomu, did you say he was in a bag?” Sora whispers, horrified when Nozomu slowly shakes his head, holding up his plastered up fingers and explains.

“I had to untie it, and it was hard ‘cos it was all wet.” Nozomu replies, and Soushi makes a sound that could pass off as a growl, but not loud enough to scare the kitten.

“Some people are disgusting.”

 

Ryouta says the same thing when Nozomu tells the story to Growth, who really wanted to meet the kitten. It was currently climbing between Kensuke’s and Mamoru’s laps. Since the storm a day or two ago, Soara had bought a cat bed that was sat by the sofa, as per Ren’s request so he could feel like a part of the family. There was also a box of toys that Kouki was currently looking through to find a fishing rod type toy.

They’d bought food and treats, all before they got the go ahead from the company to say that they could keep it, but there was no use fighting with Soushi who told them about Ren and Nozomu and Sora literally camping out in the living room the first night, as the kitten wouldn’t go a minute alone without meowing. They’d dragged their duvets through, and Mori and Soushi found them the next morning, with Ren led on the floor with the small kitten curled up I his arms as he slept on his side, Nozomu with his arm trapped beneath Sora’s head.

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” Kensuke says as he holds the kitten up, before putting him down on the floor for Kouki to play with. Kouki brings out the fishing rod, and almost shrieks when the cat leaps up to grab the stuffed fish hanging from the elastic. Half of the group choke on their drinks as they laugh at him.

“He didn’t get you did he?” Ren asks, and Kouki shakes his head.

“No, I just didn’t think something so small could jump like that.” Kouki breaths, still holding a hand over his heart as he’d flinches and raised his blood pressure. Perhaps Kensuke wasn’t the only creature that did that.

“What’s his name?” Ryouta asks, watching as Kouki teases the cat to run around in circles chasing the fish, no longer afraid of the beast.

“He doesn’t have one yet, we can’t think of one.”

Mamoru snorts gently, and reaches out for the kitten to sniff his hand, before he rubs his tiny ginger face against Mamoru’s fingers. Mamoru curls his hand around the kitten, picking him up and depsotiting him on the folded blanket in his lap. He falls silent  as the kitten curls up in his lap, closing it’s small eyes and giving into sleep. He doesn’t realise that everyone else is watching him in silence as he gently smiles, running his finger tips over his tiny nose and tiny paws as he stretches out.

“You’re gonna grow up to be a lion, you know that right.” Mamoru whispers, and Ren and Nozomu struggle not to giggle as Mamoru is completely serious.

“Maybe that’s what we should call him.” Soushi says and everyone laughs.

“What, Lion?” Morihito teases and Soushi deadpans him.

“NO, perhaps something like… Killer?”

“No!” Nozomu almost shouts, swatting Soushi on the shoulder, “He couldn’t kill something if he tried! Plus, he’ll have to be an indoor cat.”

“Okay, so not Killer.”

 

It’s the middle of that same night when Mori and the rest of Soara find Sora led on the floor, both him and the kitten staring out of the balcony windows. Sora has a notebook with him, and he starts to go through a list of names he’d made.

After reading about ten, he finished off with a few English ones.

“Oscar?” He says, and the kitten seems to perk up, and bounces around his face.

“Okay, so Oscar is a go-ahead?” Sora whispers and the kitten blinks cutely up at him. Soon enough, Soushi venture further into the room to see if they were both awake. The kitten had curled up in his bed away from Sora, who was led on the ground, still facing the windows as he drifts off to sleep. Soushi gently pulls him into his arms, and picks him up, chest against chest as Sora falls further into sleepiness.

Soushi lays Sora down, but doesn’t get far as a tired meow breaks the silence. He watches as the kitten jumps and tries to get onto Sora’s bed, but can’t make it, so he lifts Oscar onto the bed. Sora wakes for a moment to see the ball of fur tuck itself underneath his blanket that had been pushed to the wall, and he smiles sleepily knowing the little thing would sleep well.

The dorm seems more alive with Oscar. With each week they change who feeds him, and it eventually becomes a routine. It was quite helpful too, as Nozomu actually beings to wake up on time, even when it wasn’t his week. Oscar seemed to work it out too, as he would sit outside whoever’s bedroom door until they almost tripped over him. Mori had only done that twice so far, but hadn’t hit the ground, and Sora was there to half catch him, half slow down the momentum as they both ended up sitting on the floor, facing a cat who was casually licking his paws.

 

“He’s taunting us.” Sora had whispered.

 

It was rare to see Soushi interact with Oscar, but when he did, it was almost magical. They’d found both of them asleep in the bath, which was empty ,and as far as they were concerned, Oscar was the only one comfortable. On another occasion, they’d found him with his camera on the balcony, with the door opens and the cat running between each room with his toy mouse in hand or in mouth. He’d gotten some brilliant snapshots, and then falling asleep next to him running about.

Oscar was definitely a good cat.

Nozomu struggled to believe that it was the same kitten, running about the house when less than two months ago, he’d found him trapped in a plastic bag. He was thinking about it one night, when Sora found him, and was crying unknowingly. He’d wondered how many little cats just like Oscar or younger were alone out there, and it hurts his chest so much. Sora had sat next to him as they sat on the floor leaning against his bed, and just held him. When Nozomu tells Sora why he was upset, he expects taunts of sorts, but instead, Sora sniffles.

“I hope there aren’t….” He whispers, and Nozomu sobs, covering his face with his hands.

”And I can’t even do anything to help.”

 “We can, “Sora whispers, “We can.”

 

 

So, Soara introduce their cat to the world in a home short music video, pretty much of them all dancing with the cat in their arms. It sparks interest in how they got the cat, and in an interview, Nozomu explains all about it, and it tires him out just thinking about it. When Morihito comes up with an idea one evening, he only tells Soushi.

Nozomu had burst into tears the moment they told him what they’d done .

They’d set up an organisation in Soara’s name to alert the anime protection of where and when people had seen hurt or abandoned animals. It had taken them a while to calm him down, and when they showed him the website, he’d cried even harder. Oscar had come up behind them at some point, and was now laying half on the sofa and half on Ren’s shoulder.

“Nozomu, all these people care. And with us being, I suppose, famous, it helps get the word around.”

“Thank you guys…”

 

 

Ren comes home the next week, with an even tinier kitten in his arms. And was sobbing before he’d even explained what had happened. He stood in the doorway, flinching away from whoever came near him, crying.

“Ren, what’s happened?” Soushi asks, but before he gets an answer, Ren is holding out the kitten in his hands.

“Oh my go! Mori!” he shouts, and Mori comes running through from his bedroom with the others trailing behind him.

“Oh no…”

The poor thing didn’t last the morning. But it was happy, and wasn’t cold or hungry either. And it was worse when Oscar came over, and gently rubbing his nose over the animal like a sorry message. Ren had cried his heart out, even worse than when he’d found it. It was poor timing when Quell came over, and the group said they would leave, but Ren whispered that he wanted them to stay. There was something about Quell that made people feel… calm.

 

“Can you… Can you join the program? With more people, stuff like this won’t happen.” Ren whispers to Quell, and Shu immediately nods, taking Ren’s hands in his own. Ichiru is sat in the corner with Issei, and they don’t realise what they were doing until they’d finished. Ichiru had cut a square out of his scarf, and had gently helped Issei wrap it around the kitten like a blanket.

“Perhaps we can cremate her?” He whispers as he hands the poor thing to Morihito, and collapses back against Issei once more. Ren holds her the entire journey there, and until they are called into the room to say goodbye.

And so the little kitten, who they decided on calling Tsuki, was cremated a few hours later, and the smallest of jars now stood in the entrance hall to the Tsukino building. After that day, Quell, Growth, SolidS and even Procellarum and Six Gravity had joined the program against abuse to cats and dogs, and Nozomu finally, finally felt like he’d helped the whole world.

 

 

 


	17. The Lyrics book

Shiki was currently having the worst day. He'd left his lyrics book in the dance studio, and they were currently on their way back to go and collect it. He'd insisted the other members hadn't of come, but Tsubasa wanted to go back as he could then refill his water bottle without having to stop and buy a new bottle halfway home like usual. Rikka and Dai were just there for a longer rest in the car before they had to do more work at home. 

When they get into the studio, nothing seems off, until Shiki picks up his book. Now this book, was full of lyrics, and notes for the piano and guitar, little recommendations of who should sing what.

"I didn't leave this open." He mumbles to himself as he wraps his fingers round it. When he properly lays his eyes on it, his heart drops. Someone had written all over it, changing up the words and had crossed out entire versus. When he flicks through, most of the pages had been edited in the same rushed handwriting, and same inked pen. 

"Someone's written in it." He says, and Dai twists on his heel, Rikka already striding over with purpose. 

"What do you mean?" He asks, crossing his room to look over the leaders shoulder, swearing under his breath. Rikka's eyes are wide with shock. 

"What the hell?" Rikka says as he glances it over, Tsubasa being the last one to join them. There's added words and everything. Rikka can tell that Shiki is mostly upset, more so than angry. Dai's mostly confused, because they'd been in here for most of the morning, save for about an hour that it took them to get back here, and perhaps half an hour to get a snack. Was that enough time to do all that writing?

"Look!" Tsubasa says, pointing to a word that was written down, and that's when Shiki grabs his wrist tightly, and Tsubasa yelps in pain. It startles all of them. Shiki's staring at him incredibly angriliy, and it's beginning to scare Tsubasa. He glances up at Rikka, who is staring down at where Shiki is grabbing him. 

"Shiki, Jesus. Let go!" Tsubasa asks, but Shiki just tightens his hold. 

"Shiki, please, you're hurting me!" Tsubasa whines, trying to pull his wrist out of Shiki's hold, but couldn't. He could already feel the bruise forming beneath his fingers. Rikka and Dai were frozen, as they saw exactly what Shiki saw. 

"You wrote in it." 

"What? No! Shiki, just let go, please!" Tsubasa cries, properly tugging at his wrist now, panicking as he preys someone walks in, and Shiki lets go. He can't hear anything except for the blood rushing in his ears and their voices. Why wasn't anyone doing anything?

"You've got ink on your hand Tsubasa." Dai points out, as Shiki finally lets go of Tsubasa's wrist. He looks over it, and sure enough, there's smudged blue ink on his hand, the exact same colour as the one in his book. That had been on his wrist since this morning. 

"Why would I write in it? I would never do that!" He cries, laugh dying in his throat when he realises that they were completely serious. That's when a burst of unfortunately familiar numbness explodes in his chest. He hasn't really seen an angry Shiki before, and he hadn't even done anything wrong. 

"Then why have you got ink on your?" Rikka asks, crossing his arms. 

"Because I wrote in my diary this morning?" Tsubasa says, slightly wavering through fear. Holy shit, if they found his notebook, A, they'd realised he wrote down the time in each entry and B, he wrote about a lot of stuff. Come to think of it, he carried it with him all the time, so why haven't they seen it. He'd written all his dark thoughts in there too. 

"I woke you up this morning Tsubasa." Dai replies to that, and Tsubasa coughs back a scoff. 

"You actually think I did that?" He says, holding up his hands defensively. 

"You don't write diaries, and you were the only one okay with coming back here." Shiki hisses, and Tsubasa flinches away. he feels the spiking feeling in the back of his throat, and prays now that he'd not crying, because if he is, he can't tell. 

"I didn't do it, I swear. I only wanted to fill my bottle." He says, still holding his hands up. Dai makes a slightly movement to try and calm things down, but Tsubasa flinches expecting him to hit him or something. 

"I don't believe you." Rikka says, stepping in front of Tsubasa. Angry Shiki was one thing, angry Rikka was another entirely. 

"I didn't do it!" Tsubasa shouts, shoving Rikka away from him, fire burning in his eyes as pure anger now burns bright. Before anyone can shout back at him, Tsubasa is turning and storming out of the room, slamming the dance studio door behind him. Rikka stands there, staring at the floor in shock as his chest pounds. 

Tsubasa knew how much Shiki valued his lyrics, so why would he write all over them and edit them like that they were some school project. Tsubasa couldn't believe that they actually thought he was lying. As he walks home, leaving the three of them behind, he slips of his wring, the silver band clipping from his skin. They didn't believe him, so how the hell could they still love him? 

With a fit of anger and stupidity, he throws it. 

 

 

"Shiki..." Dai whispers, and Shiki looks up, finding Dai holding up his book. 

"It's not Tsubasa's handwriting." He says, showing Tsubasa's notebook that he had found in his bag left on the bench. Rikka jumps up way before Shiki could even think, and grabs the notebook, having only seen it once before and opens it up, forgetting all personal information as he flicks through. It is a diary. Tsubasa does write one. Every single day. Rikka reads through some of the pages quickly, and reads that Tsubasa was honest in all the paragraphs he's written. Of course, there's stuff he'd rather not read in there, like a tally on each page of how many days he's gone without cutting. 

"He's written in it today... at half six." Rikka says, showing them the page dated today, "He wasn't lying." 

"But he was asleep when I went in." Dai whispers, confused as he reads. 

"He faked he was asleep. He's the master at it." 

Shiki feels his heart stop, and he takes his book back, and suddenly slams his first against the table. The noise makes Rikka flinches, and quickly returns his gaze back to the book. Tsubasa had sounded so excited for today, according to his written words, getting excited about having to work on lyrics with everyone and working on a new song. 

"We should go home and get him." 

 

 

Tsubasa barely makes it to the dorm, to his bedroom, the tears getting the best of him and his mind. He collapses by the side of his bed, leaning against it heavily as he sobs uncontrollably. 

God, he wants to cut so bad, just grab a blade and do it. 

He's got a good enough reason to do it, right? And the scissors are in his hands, but he can't do it, he can't breathe. The scissors are hurting his hands with how hard he's gripping them, so prepared just to cut. He's making so much noise that he'd not even aware of how hysterically he's crying. Suddenly, there are hands on his shoulders. He opens his bleary eyes, just enough to register that it's Rikka in front of him. 

Rikka forces the scissors out of limp fingers, and chucks them across the room. 

He looks a mess, drool soaking his chin and tears messing up the rest of his face, eyes rimmed red painfully. He screams hysterically as Rikka pulls him towards him, and he can't help but cry heavily into Rikka's shoulder. He can't seem to draw enough air into his body to keep up, and Rikka all but catches him as he falls unconscious. By then, Shiki and Dai had moved round from their frozen spot by the fear of what they'd done. 

Shiki helps Rikka get Tsubasa onto his best, whilst Dai goes to damp a towel, taking the scissors with him and chucking them onto his own bed. Rikka gently wipes away the drool and tears covering his face and hands, heart pounding still as he does this. Dai and Shiki go through the rest of his drawers, trying to find anything else sharp that he could use to harm himself. 

Shiki's hands are trembling badly and he doesn't know what to do. 

It takes about half an hour for Tsubasa to wake up, and when he does, he's confronted by a scene. 

Dai and Shiki are led on the floor, propped up by the wall with Rikka on the desk chair. His chest ached and so did his voice. He glances down at his hand, then remembers. 

He'd thrown his ring. 

God only knows where it went. Tears cause a sob to bubble in his throat, and he just about catches himself before he cries out. Thankfully, keeping his calm this time, he reaches over and tugs Rikka's shirt to wake him up. Rikka wakes up instantly, but his smile drops when he spots Tsubasa is crying. 

"We're not angry, not anymore. We know you didn't do it." Rikka whispers, but Tsubasa shakes his head. 

"I threw my ring..." He sobs quietly, and Rikka doesn't know how to respond, except from pick him up. Rikka sits himself on the edge of the bed, with Tsubasa on his lap, legs either side of his waist as he hugs him. Rikka shushes him and rocks him, and eventually, Tsubasa's soft crying ceases. 

"It's okay, I'll get you a new one." He whispers, nuzzling blonde hair. 

"I'm sorry. I don't remember where I threw it... I'm so sorry." He sobs back, hands gripped onto Rikka's shirt. 

"Listen to me, I still love you Tsubasa, no matter what, okay? If there is a ring or not, I still love you. It was a stupid misunderstanding." Rikka whispers, and he couldn't be telling the truth more. Tsubasa is twenty-two years old, but he feels fifteen. 

"I love you too." Tsubasa breathes tiredly, and turns his head to face the new weight next to him. 

Shiki had tears rolling down his cheeks, and Tsubasa's heart drops. 

"I am so sorry Tsubasa, I didn't mean to hurt you, or scare you." He mumbles and Tsubasa reaches out to hold his hands. There are finger print bruises on his wrist, but he doesn't care. 

They spend the rest of the day in bed, Tsubasa sat against Shiki's chest, watching a film on Tsubasa's TV, quietly working lightly. He falls asleep at some point, some much needed rest after the morning they'd had, and so he sleeps right through till night, barely registering the fact that he'd been moved away from Shiki at some point. Dai had inspected his arms once he was asleep, and confirmed that there was no new cuts, but it still pained him to see the old ones. 

That night, he does write down that the argument happened, but that it was resolved and all okay. 

 

 

A week later, Tsubasa knocks on the door of Shiki's room, letting himself in. Shiki has got his headphones on, and so hasn't heard him. Tsubasa taps on his shoulder, and Shiki turns to face him. He's all dressed up and ready to go out, confusing Shiki. Tsubasa has his own headphones around the base of his neck, and coat on. 

"Here, just a little something. I'm at the company tonight, but I'll try not to be late." Tsubasa says, and hands over the neatly wrapped gift, leaning down to kiss the singer. It's open mouthed, not that either of them care. 

As soon as Tsubasa had left, Shiki finds himself tearing open the gift, and finding a notebook. On the first page, he reads Tsubasa's note. 

_I'm so sorry about your book. This may not be perfect, but it's a good replacement. I love you._

Shiki flips through it, and gasps. Tsubasa had rewritten it all by hand. Shiki drops it onto his bed, and ran into the living room, where Tsubasa was just leaving, in the middle of waving to Rikka. He grabbed the boy by his waist and hugged him tight. 

"Do not tell me, do NOT tell me you haven't been sleeping to write that." He says and Tsubasa laughs shakily, a faint rose of colour on his cheeks. 

"Someone had to do it." He whispers, and Shiki lets him go, "If there are any mistakes, I apologize." 

"Is that why you're going to the company?" Dai suddenly asks, and Tsubasa freezes, "To find out who did it."

Tsubasa just winks, and runs out the door. 

 

And the next morning, after finding out it was an ex-trainee that Shiki had worked with that had written all over his book, Tsubasa finds that his hand is donned by a ring, almost dropping his coffee with the realisation. He turns around in Dai's embrace, thanking him in a whisper as he leaves to go and do the same to Shiki and Rikka. It turns out that Rikka had slipped it onto his finger during the night, and it was exactly the same as the rest of them. 

By Christ did he love them.


	18. Ichiru's nightmares

_Issei's dying. HIs breath is limited as he grasps a hold of Ichiru's hand. He's led there, with a sword through his chest, keeping him pinned down to the floor, with blood painting the floor around them and his body. Ichiru's knees are also covered with his twins blood, and so are his hands as he flutters them around his body._

_"...I'm sorry." Issei manages to spit out, and Ichiru panics. There's blood spilling down the sides of Issei's mouth now, and he's crying blood too._

_"No, no, Issei, you're not allowed to go!" Ichiru shouts, trying desperately to find a way to save his brother._

_They'd lost Shu and Eichi already, their bodies together on the opposite side of the room. Ichiru was the only one uninjured out of them, and now he was the only one going to survive. Ichiru was now screaming at his own brother to stay awake, please stay awake!_

 

 

Ichiru sits up gasping, and then gets up as fast as he can without waking Issei, who was led beside him. He was terrified to even look, so he ran into the hallway where he sank to the floor, huddled against the wall in darkness, which was making it worse. But turning on a light would wake someone up, and that was the last thing he was prepared to do. He was just so scared... Issei shouldn't have been like that, in any case like that it should be Ichiru if anyone. But not Issei. He's breathing so erratically that he gags dryly, thankful that nothing spills from his lips. 

Without a second thought, he stands up shakily and makes his way down the hallway in the direction of the kitchen, away from the front door, still sniffling quietly and breathing a lot calmer now. He could join Eichi and Shu in Eichi's room, or he could use Shu's empty room to hide out in. He could feel pain in spots where he'd seen Issei get hurt, and his limbs felt dead. Perhaps they signified Eichi and Shu?

Quietly, he slips into the room where the two elders were asleep, and he's thankful to find they were curled up together quite closely, leaving just enough room for Ichiru to slip in unnoticed as long as he stayed- 

"Ichiru?" 

Ichiru startles out of his skin, stepping backwards and knocking off a pencil case, which in turn wakes up both boys. They both sit up and Ichiru clenches his eyes shut, making the wrong decision when he sees all the monsters that he'd just watched kill his brother and parental figures. 

"Hey, it's only us." Shu whispers, but they both startle too, worried when they watch Ichiru collapse to the floor. 

"Please, shut up! You're not real! You're dead, I watched you die!" He cries, before there are arms around his body, grounding him. He tried desperately to get them off, pushing and scratching as best he could, before Shu manages to stop him. 

"Calm down Ichi, we are right here." He whispers, and Ichiru finally relaxes into his arms. Shu slowly gets Ichiru's legs around his waist, and picks the boy up like he would if Ichiru were a smaller child, thankful that he's just smaller than himself. Ichiru clings on, and they stay that way for a short time, Shu cradling the boy. Eichi is still sat on the bed, shirtless as he reaches out to take Ichiru. The twin is shaking and sweating badly, and they both come to the same realisation that he'd had a nightmare. 

His shirt was stuck to his skin, and it's a relief when Shu ever so gently lifts it over his head, and slips on of Eichi's over him, a slightly bigger one too. For a moment, Ichiru had pressed his bare chest against Eichi's and felt his entire boy go numb at the short contact. 

Eichi stays where he's sat on the edge of the bed, with Ichiru's legs around his waist and chest against chest. The boy is crying till, wetting Eichi's shoulder slightly, not that he minded. 

"Papa, Issei was dying! You and Baba were hurt and there was nothing I-I c-could do." Ichiru finally sobs, not knowing what to do with himself, trying his best not to scratch Eichi's skin. Shu helps with that by taking Ichiru's hand.s 

"It was only a nightmare Ichi, Baba and I are right here." Eichi whispers. He's so glad that Ichiru felt comfortable enough to use the nicknames properly now. 

Eichi and Shu both help Ichiru into the middle between them. Shu slips an arm underneath Ichiru's head, his other one draped over Ichiru's waist just underneath Eichi's whose other arm was underneath his own head. 

When there's a knock on the door, Ichiru flinches. 

"Eichi, Shu? Is Ichi with you?

"Issei..." Ichiru whines just loud enough for his brother to hear, and Eichi immediately moves back. Issei comes into the room, tiredly blinking at the lamp light that Shu had flicked on. Ichiru twists round and makes exhausted grabby hands towards his brother. Issei crosses the room after closing the door behind him, and Eichi helps him step over him, and lay behind his brother. 

"Why did you leave?" Issei whispers and a shiver is sent through Ichiru's body where he curls into Shu's chest. 

"You were dying... and you wouldn't stay awake. And my chest hurt where you'd been hurt. And Eichi and Shu were dead and there was nothing we could do, and-"

"Shh, Ichiru, baby, you're okay. Everyone's okay." Shu whispers, and brings the boy closer to his body. Eichi and Issei following to create a comfortable cuddle that lasts until the morning had passed. Shu only woke up to cancel a dance practise in the morning. 

 

 

Around a week later, the nightmare comes back, but this time, Issei isn't home. 

_"Eichi, you can't die, not here." Ichiru cries, cradling Eichi's body close to his chest. Shu and Issei were already gone this time, and there was more monsters coming down the hallways. Ichiru doesn't get another chance to speak, as he's being tugged backwards and the monsters face appears in his vision._

_The last thing Ichiru sees is death._

 

Ichiru barely manages to wake up without screaming. When he turns to check on Issei, he isn't there. Panic bursts in Ichiru's chest like fire, and he races to get up. Quietly, he checks Eichi and Shu's room. Issei isn't there. That panic fires up once more as he runs into the bathroom, praying to any ancient god that existed that Issei wasn't in there doing something he'd regret. They were twins, lots of things that went through Ichiru's mind went through Issei's, and so he's frightened. But to his half relief, the bathroom is empty. 

In a panic induced hysteric, ichirul checks every room in the house, before coming to the conclusion that Issei wasn't in the dorm. His sobs bubble through his lips and he clutches at his own shirt. Was he even awake? Was he still asleep and he was going to find Issei somewhere?

As he closes his eyes to try and calm himself, the monsters face, grim and large appears in his vision, and he flinches himself to open his eyes once more. Through the darkness, he runs to Eichi. He opens the door quietly again and slips inside. He rounds over to Eichi and tugs gently on Eichi's fingers. The elder immediately awakens, and his face drops when he spots Ichiru crying. 

"Come here. What's wrong?" Eichi whispers, and Ichiru climbs in beside him, failing horrendously to try and not cry. 

"It happened again, but the monsters got me too. And Issei isn't here, and I don't know where he is!" Ichiru sobs, scratching at his own arms as he clenches his eyes shut. Eichi runs both hands up and down Ichiru's back, settling him pretty much on Eichi's chest. By then, Shu had awoken and he propped himself up by his elbow to reach over and gently caress the side of Ichiru's face. 

"He'll be home soon, he had a night photo-shoot. He isn't in any danger." Shu promised, but Ichiru shakes his head. 

"But they got me!" He cries, tugging at his shirt uncomfortable. He's now led fully on Eichi's chest, his head tucking in between Eichi's head and shoulder. 

"Ichi, shall we take this off?" Eichi whispers, curling a weak fist in Ichiru's shirt. 

Ichiru quickly nods, and Shu helps him raise the sweat dampened shirt over Ichiru's head. Ichiru literally doesn't know what to do with himself, just keeps his eyes trained on his hands as they pick at the already sore skin on his thumbs. Shu stays on his side, and Ichiru guessed somewhere in his head that they were leaving room for Issei. 

He hoped. 

"Why don't you tell me what got you? I'll help get rid of it." Shu whispers, kissing Ichiru's cheek. 

Ichiru shakes his head, and Shu and Eichi instantly grow worried as he moves his hand to his mouth, but doesn't slip anything past his lips. There's a distant, worried look in his eyes, and he's so clearly exhausted. Eichi can tell he feels numb, because his body is limp against his. 

"Ichiru, baby, you can suck your thumb if you want. Nor me or Baba will judge." Eichi breaths, and Ichiru doesn't hesitate to do just that, his other hand pulling to hold Shu's. As Ichiru starts to breath a little heavier, his eyes begin to close. Shu begins to sing quietly, and this sends the boy into a trance, and soon enough, Eichi can tell that the boy is fast asleep, still with his thumb in his mouth. 

"I can tell they feel so much younger when they're tired." Shu whispers, and Eichi hums in agreement, stroking Ichiru's hair. 

"Baba?" 

Shu looks up to find a dead tired looking Issei. He's leaning on the doorway, bag barely handing onto his shoulder, yawning widely. He's using the doorway as his pillar, legs clearly too exhausted to carry him. 

"Eichi, can you move without waking him?" shy asks, and Eichi nods, very carefully shuffling to the left as Issei quickly crosses the room. He's wearing jogger bottoms and just strips off his jumper and shirt, flinging them over the top of his bag, before collapsing gently on top of Shu. Instead of holding Shu's hand, Ichiru shuffled eto take a fist full of the elder's shirt, instead holding Isseis' hand without knowing, but he soon wakes up as soon as their fingers meet. 

"Issei." He says around his thumb, and Issei reaches over to kiss his brother on the forehead. 

"I'm here." 

 

 

"I'm not going to sleep." Ichiru says as he closes the door behind him, and walking through the living. He'd had about two weeks of not sleeping where nightmares plagued him, and he couldn't just sleep with Eichi and Shu ever night. It was making him feel sick, not having enough sleep, and he was so sure either Shu, Eichi or both were noticing. Issei was unable to suggest anything, and Ichiru just shrugged him off eventually. 

So, he leaves a note for the working elders, and makes his way downstairs, shooting a text to Rikka as he makes his way down in the elevator one floor.

Rikka answers the door with a warm smile, and is more than welcoming. Tsubasa brightens up when he sees him and gives him a bone crushing, warm hug. Shiki just ruffles his hair. He loved being with SolidS, especially now they were dating because it made such a homely feel to them.

"So, how come you're up late?" Dai asks him, and Ichiru's smile falters. Shiki notices that too, and he drops his phone into his lap. ichiru doesn't really look at anything apart from the edge of the coffee table.

"Ichiru, have you been sleeping alright?" Shiki asks, and where Ichiru sits next to Tsubasa, he shakes his head. Rikka's expression softens, but Ichiru doesn't see this, as his fingers curl around the base of his frayed jeans. Tsubasa takes in the fact that his hands were horribly chapped. He's slip some hand cream in Ichiru's bag next time he got up. They all take that as a 'no'.

"Would you like some tea?" Rikka asks, and Ichiru nods, having not had tea for quite a while, and Rikka had all assortments of it. Tsubasa runs a hand over Issei's back comfortingly. 

"And how come you're not sleeping?" He asks, and Ichiru just curls further into himself. 

"I keep having the same nightmare, but from different points in time. It's either Eichi and Shu who are dead, or Issei and someone. But the monsters have started to get me, and I keep dying. The last two nights I can just remember darkness before I wake up." Ichiru explains through tears, and Dai winces at the sight. Rikka's still waiting for the kettle to boil too as he listens. 

"How do you usually calm down?" Dai asks as he crosses over to sit on the other side of Ichiru. 

"The first two times I went to sleep with Eichi and Shu, but now it's every single night, and I can't do that to them." He whispers, and Shiki notices how he's keeping his eyes open, and not blinking unless it's absolutely necessary. 

Rikka returns with the cups, enough for everyone, and slowly sets it into Ichiru's hands. 

"It's a mint flavour, and it usually helps against nightmares. If you want, you can stay with me and Shiki tonight. If you feel comfortable with that." Rikka whispers. 

"Is that okay?" He replies, glancing up to Shiki who he wasn't expecting to be smiling. 

"Of course, if it'll help you get a good nights sleep."

Ichiru sips on his tea as they talk quietly, and the group slowly tiring. Shu texts Ichiru to make sure he was alright, and Ichiru sends back a picture of Rikka and Shiki on the opposite sofa, sipping teas as they talk quietly between themselves, then sends a selfie of him and Tsubasa, both smiling with Dai hides his face beside them. 

When Ichiru is finished with his tea, he feels significantly more tired, but he doesn't want to close his eyes, unless the monsters come back. He's scared that Tsubasa's body will join theirs now.

"Ichiru, is there something worrying you that could be causing these nightmares?" Shiki asks, and Ichiru has to think. 

"I... I don't think so. I don't... know." 

Is Ichiru's pain ridden reply, as he sinks into Tsubasa's side, who takes his empty cup and places it on the floor. 

"There must be something." Tsubasa replies. 

"Ichiru, is it because of the film?" Dai asks. 

Ichiru and Issei were being starred in a short film, where they had to go against one another, like the book it was being based on. It was only forty minutes long. Ichiru was casted to be the killer, as he has the ability to keep his face straight pretty much all the time, despite how he thought Issei would suit the role better. He had to kill Issei's character, the good guy, and his parents. Of course, they'd been practising their lines for weeks, and still had to shoot the scene where Ichiru killed Issei. 

He'd have to stab him. 

"Ichiru, you're hyperventilating, I need you to breathe for me." 

Ichiru realises that he's on the balcony all too late, and that he's sat in between Shiki's legs, back against the elder's chest. He takes in deep breathes, and begins to calm himself down. He'd panicked, and cried out for Shiki, who darted over and helped him calm down. In the end, Rikka must've helped him get onto the balcony for some fresh air. His hands ache from where he'd scratches them against one another. 

"We'll go to bed in a minute, and we can talk in the morning. No more for tonight." Shiki whispers into his hair, and Ichiru simply nods. When Rikka joins them, he feels comfortable enough to lean back, and finally close his eyes. He doesn't fall asleep for a little while as he feels himself being carried into the bedroom.

Distantly, he's aware that Tsubasa and Dai have said goodnight to him, and he just clenches both their hands in acknowledgement. 

They woke him up once again just to get him changed. He sleeps in between Rikka and Shiki, holding both of their hands awkwardly, but either way, they all sleep. ichiru didn't have a single nightmare at all, and slept all the way through the night, not moving as he was just too exhausted. Shiki wakes up each hour to make sure he's still asleep, sometimes finding Rikka awake too. 

 

 

"Ichiru, we can pull you out of the film." Shiki suggests in the morning, and Ichiru just shakes his head. 

"We've gotten to far, we have to do it now. Just get past the damn scene, and it'll all be over, right?" Ichiru assures himself. Dai can't help but think that it's such a shit way of coping. 

 

 

That is not how it played out. He'd ended up asking SolidS to be there after he filmed so he could fall back on them if needs be. That failed immediately when Shu and Eichi turned to watch the filming too. They were leaning on the railing a little way off, but close enough to hear everything. Issei and Ichiru were all set in their costumes and they were set to film. 

"Ichiru, you really don't have to do this." Shiki had whispered, but Ichiru shook his head, not having the time to reply as the director called him over. 

Then, it happens. 

Ichiru grabs Issei and stabs. Of course, the knife is fake, and so it collapses in on itself without having to actually hurt Issei. The older one grabs Ichriu by the shoulder, and they both fall to the floor. Issei crushes the small bag in his mouth, and fake blood spills from his lips. It's disgusting. Ichiru keeps a straight face all the way through, even when he turns around to wipe the blood from his face into the camera and walks away. 

It's when Issei's line comes is when Ichiru feels his actors resolve break. 

"Don't... kill them." 

Ichiru has to stop, it's in the scrip, and so he does, and he turns. Then, SolidS, Shu and Eichi can see his face. 

"Kill who? They're already dead, aren't they?" He says, strongly, forcing back the shiver threatening to take over. 

"Momma... and Dad." 

That line had caused Issei so much grieve just learning. Ichiru twirls the knife in his hand, an improvised yet helpful nervous tic. 

"I can kill whoever I want, you don't tell me what to do." Ichiru hisses, storming back over, and pulling his brother up by the shoulders against, then he raises his brother up by the shoulders again, then he raises the knife, and cuts into the fake skin over Issei's neck, and the blood covers the both of them. 

"Cut!" 

Ichiru drops the knife and Issei, and runs. The metal clangs as does his footseps as he sprints away from the scene. Issei was too slow to get up and follows, and all the staff were in too much shock to move. Shiki and Rikka both stand up straight, and Tsubasa swore heavily. 

 

 

He doesn't know how he got there, but he ends up in a bathroom somewhere behind stage, soaked in fake blood and mind slowly growing cold, shaking from where he'd hiding underneath the sinks. He knows he's going to pass out. His hands were trembling so badly that he can't even get his phone out, but does manage to crack it as he drops it onto the floor trying. 

"Siri... Call Rikka." Is all he can spit out, and is so thankful when the phone does at its told. He can see that Rikka had answered, but it's not on loudspeaker, so he can't hear him. What they hear though, is a thump of Ichiru's unconscious body hitting the floor, his nightmares and terrors riddling his mind and head as he falls into an exhausted version of sleep. He screams in this state, screaming anyone's name who he finds as suddenly, Shiki's and Tsubasa's body join the mix. 

Tsubasa sprints away from them, trying to find out where he can hear the screaming from, eventually following Dai. Dai finds him first, and isn't able to wake him up, and Tsubasa grabs Eichi. 

"He's in a nightmare, we have to wake him up and calm him before he hurts himself." 

So, Eichi empties his water bottle over Ichiru's face gently. This causes him to shoot up, Dai throwing his hand in between his head and the sink. The boy coughs as he scrambles away from them, tucking himself as far as possible into the corner. 

As soon as he lets them touch him, Eichi moves his arms out of the way, and takes off his jumper and shirt, throwing them to Dai who chucks them as far as he can, but spotting Shiki put them up and throw them into the bin as Rikka takes off his own jumper to put over the boy. Then, Shu arrives with Issei, who was all cleaned up. Once Ichiru is finally calm, he can speak, but works himself up pretty quickly. 

 

"I killed Issei, and Tsubasa was there, and he was dead too, and so was Shiki." He says, terrified of himself beyond belief, enough for him to dig his hands into his legs. 

"I'm right here Ichi, you didn't hurt me whatsoever." Issei says as he falls to his brothers side, and embraces him tightly when the younger one throws himself at him. Issei lets Ichiru slip his trembling hands under his shirt to where he'd fake stabbed him earlier, then ran over his throat. There were no cuts in either places. Tsubasa and Shiki kneel just in Ichiru's eyeline, making him aware that none of what had happened in his head was real. 

"You don't have to watch the film, we never have to watch it." Issei whispers as he carries his brother to the car. Ichiru buried his face as far into Issei's neck as he can, holding hands with Eichi as they walk. What they don't know, was that Shiki and Shy had asked them to completely cut it all out, and explained the reasoning. Whether that went through or not, was the companies decision. 

That night, there are no nightmares. Nor the next. Or the next. Issei sleeps beside his brother, with no movement whatsoever 

And Quell makes a new rule for both twins. 

Mint tea before bedtime. 


End file.
